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Day 5

When you woke up again from the sound of your alarm, you could feel the relief shoot through your body immediately. Your heart was thundering inside your chest and as you took in a shaky breath, you could feel the tears wet your cheeks.

    You had never felt so hopeless in your life. Seeing Steve there on the ground of the Hydra base, slowly bleeding out, something inside you had clicked back in place. The girl you had been for the past year had faded from your mind and you had vowed to yourself that whatever were to happen today, you would be yourself again. And if you were to die tonight, you’d at least take that damned Hydra agent with you.

    You pushed yourself from the comfort of your bed, knowing exactly what you needed to do today. You had been so self-absorbed the last few months, that you hadn’t even realized how much you had distanced yourself from everyone. Natasha and Wanda had been your friends before the Sokovia Accords but now you barely talked to them outside of missions.

    That, along with your attitude towards Steve, was going to change today.

    You took the time to arrange a few things before freshening up and changing into your workout gear. You checked your watch, knowing the captain was probably already out on the track, wondering where you were. You smiled, and despite knowing you would probably never be the woman that would make him happy, you could always just be his friend.

    Without doing your daily warm-up routine, you started running, seeing Steve moving fast ahead of you along the tree line that created a natural border around the compound. You had done a lot of thinking after leaving him alone in New York the day before. You had thought about everything you had said to him and the others the past year and you realized how stupid you had really been. You had tried so hard not to get hurt yourself, that you had hurt everyone around you without realizing or caring about it. But that was going to stop.

    It had to.

    You had only been running for a few minutes when the captain showed up by your side.

    “Morning,” he nodded, his eyes shifting over your face––a glint of hope in his blue orbs.

    “Hey.” You smiled shortly, squinting against the sun as it slowly rose towards the sky.

    Steve’s whole face lit up seeing you smile at him and he slowed his pace even further to match yours. “H–how are you?”

    “I'm good. Tired, but I'll live.” Hopefully. “What about you?”

    “Yeah, I’m good too, I guess.” A sigh escaped his lips and it wasn’t until then that you noticed he looked as fatigued as you felt. “It’s nice talking to you again.”

    You nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry for ignoring you for so long. I never meant–” You stopped, taking in a deep breath. “I know you probably won’t believe me but I wish I had made different choices the past few months. I–”

    “It’s okay,” he said, interrupting you. “I understand. If I knew my decisions would have cost me our friendship, I would have done things differently too.” He evaded his eyes from you, looking up at the orange colored sky. For a moment the silence lingered between you until you could see the sorrow and pain in his eyes and you realized he was probably thinking about Peggy as well.

    “Are you okay?” you asked, eying Steve worriedly. “I know today must be hard for you.”

    He swallowed hard, nodding at your words. “It’s been a year since Peggy died, but it almost feels like it was yesterday that I held her hand in the nursing home.”

    “I know. I'm sorry.” You laid your hand against his arm as comfort, making you both slow your pace and continue your round along the track in a walk. “I remember meeting her for the first time. I still can't believe she thought I was your girlfriend.” The memory made you snort and you could see Steve smile even though he was staring at the ground as he walked. “I don’t think she really liked me, to be honest.”

    “She loved you,” the captain objected, casting his eyes back at you. “She always said you reminded her of Howard. I think she liked you even more than Sam, and he always brought her flowers.”

    You both laughed at that and for a moment it felt exactly like it had before Sokovia. That faded quickly though as Steve took in a deep breath, looking up at the sky again and keeping his thoughts to himself.

    “Her funeral was beautiful.”

    “It was…” He nodded, shaking off whatever was going through his head. “I never got to thank you for being there. It meant a lot to me that you were despite everything.”

    “Of course. I know how much she means to you.”

    “You know, I didn’t think I would still feel so…” He stopped, searching for the right words.

    “Empty?”

    “Yes.”

    “That will fade...eventually.” Now it was your turn to you evade your eyes, thinking back to how you had felt when you had lost the most important person in your life. You had been a mess for months when your mother had died. She had been your everything. Especially since Tony didn’t come into your life until you were in high school. You were grateful that you at least still had him, but he could never fill the empty, broken space in your heart that would never truly be whole again.

    “How did you get over it?”

    “I didn’t,” you admitted. “I just learned to live with it. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my mom. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” you said, looking up at him. “She will always be a part of me, just like Peggy will always be a part of you.”

    He smiled at that, nodding shortly. “Why do you always know the right thing to say?”

    You snorted again, thinking back on the past few versions of this day. How bad you had been at saying anything at all, let alone the right thing. “I had some time to think. About everything…”

     Steve’s eyes searched your face, seemingly thinking about something. “I really missed this, [Name]. I missed you. I'm sorry for putting you in this position. I never meant to hurt you.”

    “I put myself in this position, Steve.” You sighed, fidgeting with the seam of your shirt. “I’m the one that should be sorry. Like I said, if I could go back in time and fix all the mistakes I’ve made the past few months, I would.” You laughed a little at those words, knowing it was quite ironic.

    “You and me both.”

    “No.” You shook your head, stopping completely, making him frown at you. “You were just doing what was right and I’ve been a shitty friend the past year. I’m really sorry.” You could feel tears rimming your eyes, your voice breaking at the end.

    Steve sighed, smiling sadly. “I won’t lie, it’s nice to hear you say that… But if I hadn’t left like I did, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. We’ve both made mistakes and I’d really like for us to start over.”

    You swallowed hard, nodding at his words. Wiping the tears from your cheeks, you took in a shaky breath. “I’d like that too.”

    He took a step toward you, his fingers caressing the wet trails on your face, sending shivers down your spine. “I can’t promise things will be the same, but I’d very much like to have my friend back. Why don’t you come to Central Park with me?” he asked, his eyes shifting over your face. “I’m meeting some of Peggy’s old colleagues for lunch and I’m sure they’ll be excited to meet you. We can walk through the park before that and talk about everything.”

    “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”

    “You’d be doing me a favor,” he laughed, dropping his hand back to his side. “Peggy’s colleagues are mostly as old as she was and they can talk for hours. They’d be happy to see a new face. Besides, I’d really like to talk things through.”

    You smiled, still feeling his soft touch on your cheek even though he had removed his hand. “Alright, so I’ll meet you here in a few hours?”

    “Well, I actually wanted to make a stop first, if that’s alright. Would an hour be okay for you?”

    “Oh, of course,” you said, already knowing where he wanted to go. It was probably better if he didn’t know that. “I’ll go freshen up.”



An hour later you were walking through the streets of Brooklyn. The sun had already risen to the sky, warming your cheeks as you stared at the tall buildings around you. Steve was leading you toward the frozen yogurt shop, telling you about the different flavors of the cold dairy he had seen Peggy eat during her time in the nursing home. It made you smile a little. He clearly still loved her.

    You could only hope someone would love you just as much someday.

     The line in the yogurt shop seemed even longer this time than it had the previous few times. You didn’t mind however. Things were going to go how time wanted them to and it was best not to fight it. You let your eyes scan the room until you had found Marcie at the familiar table. She just looked up from eating her strawberry flavored frozen yogurt and smiled, seeing you. She waved at you as the people in line moved toward the counter. You gestured you’d be right with her.

    After getting your yogurt, which you insisted to pay for this time, you walked toward your best friend, taking a seat beside her.

    “Hey, [Name], Steve,” she said, turning her hazel eyes up to the captain. “It’s so nice to see you again. What brings you to this part of town?”

    You too looked at Steve, letting him tell her why you were here and where you were headed. He smiled at you when he finished, explaining to Marcie that you had agreed to join him for his lunch with Peggy’s colleagues.

    “That sounds like fun. I think it's nice that some of her old colleagues are coming together to celebrate her life. She was such a beautiful person.”

    “She was,” you agreed, feeling Steve’s hand on the table close to yours, your fingers almost touching. You could feel him looking at you for a moment until Marcie continued talking.

    “So where are you meeting them? I know some pretty nice places near Central Park. I’d be happy to show you if you want.”

    You could feel your jaw tense but managed to keep your mouth shut, letting your anger out without saying anything. It was Steve who eventually spoke up.

    “That’s kind of you, Marcie, but I was actually hoping to have some time alone with [Name].”

    “Oh, of course…”

    You were as speechless as Marcie was. She made some more casual conversation with both you and Steve until half an hour had already passed and the captain checked his watch. He turned to you, telling you it was time to go. Nodding absentmindedly, you pushed yourself from the table, waved goodbye to Marcie and followed Steve out of the building. He led you across the street and toward Central Park that was a few blocks away.

    “I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t invite Marcie to come with us,” he said after the first couple of minutes of silence.

    “Not at all. I was kinda hoping you would when she offered.”

    “Really?”

    You nodded. “It’s been a long time since we've done anything like this and with Marcie there it would be different.” You let out a hot breath. “I still can’t quite believe I'm walking here with you.”

    “Me neither.” Steve licked his lips, turning his gaze toward the street before you. “There was a time I thought you might never speak to me at all.”

    “I was an idiot.”

    “Maybe,” he snorted, “but then so was I. I thought you would understand why I left, but I should have explained what was going on.”

    “I understand why you left, Steve. Bucky needed you. I would’ve done the same for you. I just don’t understand why you left me behind. Why you didn’t trust me.”

    His brow dipped at those words and he searched your face for a moment before taking in a deep breath. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you, [Name]. Not at all. If anyone would have had my back, I knew it would be you… But I also knew where my decisions were going to lead me and I didn’t want you to have to choose between me and Tony. Not after losing your mother.”

    You swallowed hard. “So you made the choice for me…”

    “Yes, and I’m sorry. I thought you'd be safer with Tony. I realize now that I should have let you make your decision.” He looked at you, regret filling his blue orbs. “I-I just wanted to protect you.”

    You turned your gaze to the ground, letting his words sink in. He had left you behind, not because he didn’t trust you or didn’t care about you, but because he wanted to protect you––because he didn’t want you to get hurt. “Steve, you-"

    “Before you say anything… I really want you to know that you mean a lot to me, and back then I thought I was doing what was right for you… But I was really only doing what was right for me. I didn’t want you to throw away your life for me. I understand if you're still mad at me. I just want you to know that I do care about you.”

    You smiled at his words. “You realize you're making it impossible for me to still be mad at you, right? It wasn’t your decision to make, but I can understand why you did anyway. I would have followed you anywhere and if I had been there that day with Zemo I would have had to have made a choice that would have changed everything. It’s probably for the best that I wasn’t.”

    “So, we’re good?” he asked hopefully.

    You nodded. “More than good.”

Several hours later you were standing outside on the track, looking at the moon that gave the sky a silvery glow. You thought back on everything that had happened today and couldn’t help a smile from curling your lips. Talking to Steve about the past year made a weight fall off your shoulder and you knew the same was true for him.

    Peggy’s colleagues had been incredibly nice and the rest of the day you had spent together with them and Steve, reminiscing times long since passed. They had even made you dance together. You could still feel his hands around your waist, leading you through the moves with ease even though he had never danced before. In those few minutes nothing but you and him had existed and for a fleeting moment, you had thought everything was right again.

    You closed your eyes, letting the cold night air fill your lungs. No matter how nice the day had been, you still needed to get through the night. The most important part of the today was yet to come. Tears were rimming your eyes as you thought about what you had to do and how that, after today, was going to affect Steve.

    Your heart ached thinking about it.

    “Hey,” it suddenly sounded behind you in a familiar voice.

    You quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks before turning around to the captain, letting a smile curl your lips. “Hey,” you whispered.

    “Are you okay?”

    “Yeah.” You nodded. “Just thinking about some things.”

    “Nothing to do with me I hope?”

    You laughed at that, shaking your head slowly. “No… I really had a good time today. It was nice to spend some time together again. I missed you…”

    “I missed you too.” He took in a deep breath, “[Name], I–”

    “Can I ask you something?” You interrupted him, feeling the weight of the nearing end of the day on your shoulders.

    “Yes, of course.”

    “If you knew you were going to die tonight, what would you do?”

    His brow knitted together, his eyes searching your face as another tear rolled down your cheek. He took a step forward, wiping it off with a soft, gentle swipe. “What is going on, [Name]? Is that why you’re crying, because you think you’re going to die tonight?”

    “No, I–I’m just thinking about the life we have and everything we’ve been through. One wrong choice and it could all be over.”

    “Don’t think like that,” Steve said, his thumb caressing the skin of your cheek. “You’re not going to die. You know I won’t let you.”

    A smile curled your lips, leaning into his touch. “You’re just saying that to cheer me up. The truth is we don’t know what will happen tonight.”

    “Maybe, but I’ll be right by your side. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

    “I know… Thank you.”

    “For what?”

    “For always having my back and giving me a second chance. I have a lot on my mind lately and I’m sorry for bothering you with it. You probably don’t want to be thinking about death anymore today.”

    “You really want to know what I’d do if I knew I was going to die tonight?” His eyes searched yours for a moment, shooting to your lips.

    You swallowed hard, looking in his deep blue orbs, feeling his breath on your skin. “I–”

    Before you could say anything, his other hand found a way against your face and he pressed his lips against yours. You could feel your heart thundering in your chest, your breath catching in your throat. You rested your hands on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat drumming against your fingers. You melted into his gentle touch until all too quickly he pulled away.

    “I–I’m sorry,” he whispered, letting go of you. “I didn’t mean to–” He stopped, shaking his head. You, in turn, took in a shaky breath, letting your eyes shift over his face. Your heart was beating violently inside your chest, confusion, happiness, and desire shooting through your mind.

    What the hell had just happened?

    “You know what, no, I’m not sorry,” he continued, returning to his place against you, his hand cupping your face again. “If I was really going to die tonight, I’d want you to know how I feel––how I’ve felt for a really long time…”

    You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “And how is that?”

    “I love you, [Name].” He let out a long breath as if he had been holding those words in for a long, long time. “There, I said it. I love you…” He evaded his eyes from you, swallowing hard. “I know you probably don’t feel the same.”

    “Steve, I-"

    “But I don’t want any more unspoken words between us. And I-"

     “Steve!” You exclaimed. “Will you just shut up and kiss me again!”

    He didn’t let you tell him twice and took you in his arms completely, his hands resting on the small of your back. You leaned into his touch, feeling his skin against your own.

    “I love you too,” you whispered against his lips before he kissed you again, his mouth curling into a smile.

    “Today didn’t go as I planned…”

    You stared at his lips for a second before looking up at his blue orbs. “Well, I certainly didn’t expect this,” you said, padding your fingers against his chest, feeling his chest rumble with laughter. “But I’m glad it happened,” you whispered, leaning in for another kiss. His lips were soft, his touch gentle as his hands pushed against your back, pressing you tightly against the warmth of his body.

    “Me too. I was a fool for not telling you how I felt sooner.”

    “So was I, but we’re here now.”

    Steve nodded, his lips finding yours again, and again and again until it was time to start your mission. You reluctantly let go of each other, not yet ready to give up this new found love. He wrapped his hand around yours and together you walked back into the building where Tony was already waiting for you with the small copying device you'd rather throw out the window and never see again.

An hour later you were running through one of Hydra's headquarters for the sixth and hopefully last time. You had given Tony and Steve as much info on the layout of the facility as possible without raising suspicions about your knowledge. You had come up with a plan of attack which required you and Steve to stick together as much as possible until the way to the control room was clear.

    You had been able to convince them that one of you needed to get inside it to get you both out without any bloodshed on your part. Steve had agreed to let you do it since he lacked the right skills to hack into the room. Tony offered to help from a distance––as you suspected he had done last time––but you had a good argument when you said you were going to be faster. Since time was of the essence, they had both agreed.

    So now you were carefully making your way toward that damned room. Steve was right behind you, holding back the Hydra agents that were tasked with stalling you, and protecting you from their gunfire.

    “Go!” he yelled when you had found the right hallway. “I'll cover you.”

    You looked over your shoulder, seeing him position himself between the agents and the clear way toward the control room. You knew it was a trap, but the information was still there and this time you had come prepared.

    You nodded at Steve once before quickening your pace and sprinting to the end of the hall as fast as you could. You didn’t even need to think while hacking into the small panel that gave access to the room beside it. You had done so so many times now that you still remembered the right code.

    Once you were inside you took down the female agent quickly. Knowing her every move came quite in handy when trying to move fast and efficient. You reached into your pocket and got two copying devices from your suit. One that Tony had programmed and that needed to be brought back to him to finish your mission, and one you had programmed yourself and that could connect to a secure network and send Tony everything on Hydra's servers without you ever having to leave their base.

    You plugged in the small device, typed a few commands into the large control panel before you and started up the copying program, hearing Tony's confusion in your ear.

    “[Name], I'm receiving all kinds of data streams from your location. What’s going on?”

    “I figured out how to stop the time loop.” You could feel tears rimming your eyes as you started to realize what all of this had really been about. You needed to finish this day the right way and there was only one way to do so.

    “What are you talking about?”

    You could hear soft footsteps behind you and your hand shot to your gun, ready to pull the trigger. “I love you, dad.” With that said you turned around, your gun pointed at the dark-eyed agent that had tried to sneak up on you.

    “Hmm,” he mused, holding his gun in line with your head. “You're better than they give you credit for.”

    “You have no idea.”

    “But you still fell for out trap and you're not walking out of here with that information.”

    “I don’t have to.” You smiled, keeping your eyes on him.

    He frowned at you, looking at the flickering device that was plugged into the computer, sending a signal all the way toward the Avengers Headquarters. “No…”

    “You lose this time, asshole.” You bit down your teeth, getting the safety from your gun. He quickly turned his attention back to you, staring at the barrow of it in horror. When you pulled the trigger, however, it gave a haunting click and the smile faltered.

    “Shit,” you breathed softly, your eyes shooting toward the door opening. You could see Steve turn from his defense position. Your heart thundered inside your chest and when you heard the ringing sound of a firing gun it took you a split second to see the pain in his eyes and hear his cry.

    You collapsed onto the floor, hearing Tony in your ear asking what the hell was going on. Your head hit the floor with a thud and the last thing you saw before everything disappeared were Steve's clear blue eyes that were begging you to hold on. But after everything that had happened you knew that wasn’t what time or fate wanted. You had done everything the way it should have been in the first place and that, for the first time in a long, long time, made you happy.

    So you let go, hoping that one day you’d see Steve again.

Extended ending

Beep…

Beep…

Beep…

You slowly opened your eyes, hearing the beeping from an alarm in your ears. Your room was one big blur, lights fading in and out as you looked around you. A headache was pounding against the inside of your skull and you could feel your heart sink. You were back in your room again. You had done everything you had wanted to and you had even finished the mission. You had made things right.

    So why in the seven hells were you still here?

    You slowly pushed yourself up, feeling a shot of pain go through your body. The beeping turned louder and you frowned. That didn’t sound like your alarm.

    “She's awake,” it sounded beside you and slowly but surely the outlines of the room became visible.

    Natasha and Wanda were sitting on two chairs beside the hospital bed, while Tony pushed himself from his place against the wall. Beside you a heart rate monitor beeped softly, the sound echoing in your ears. Your whole body felt sore and it took you a moment to realize where you were.

    “What happened?” you asked, letting your eyes shift through the room, scanning the faces of your friends.

    “You were shot during the mission.” Tony swallowed hard, taking a seat on the other side of you, wrapping his hand around your fingers. “We thought we lost you.”

    “Where’s Steve?” Your throat felt extremely dry and the beeping intensified as you started to panic.

    “Don’t worry. He’s fine. After you downloaded all the information from the Hydra base onto our server, I was able to access everything pretty quickly and open all the doors. Steve took out the remaining agents and carried you out.”

    “Where is he?”

    “He’s resting in the other room. It was quite the interesting day for him too,” Tony said, raising his eyebrows at you meaningfully. “But I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

    You nodded, taking in a deep breath before letting yourself drop back into the bed. Natasha and Wanda padded your shoulder when they stood up from their place beside you, telling you, you should never scare them like that again. You promised you wouldn’t as Tony also took his leave, promising he’d sent Steve straight to your room.

    A few minutes later, the captain walked through the door, a relieved look on his face. “You’re okay.” His words were barely a whisper, but you still nodded. “Thank God…”

    “I did it,” you muttered, watching him take a seat behind you, taking your hand in his. “I actually did it…” You spoke those words more to yourself than to him, realizing you had escaped the time loop and would be able to continue your life.

    With Steve.

    “Tony told me about the second copying device. Are you going to tell me what you were thinking?”

    “It’s a long story… Right now I just want to enjoy my time with you.” You smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

    He, in turn, leaned closer, pressing a soft kiss on your lips. “I’ll let it slide… for now.”

    You couldn’t help but laugh, letting your head sink into the soft pillow. Your eyes were growing heavy and you could feel the pull of slumber taking you down into a long overdue sleep. “I’ll hold you to that,” you muttered, feeling Steve move into the bed with you, taking you into his arms. You snuggled against his chest, feeling content. The captain pressed a kiss on your forehead, pulling the sheets back over your shoulders.

    “Sweet dreams, [Name]. I love you.”

    “I love you too…”

    You fell asleep in his arms within seconds, feeling safe with him by your side. You slept together in the hospital bed for several hours until the sun had already risen toward the sky and had taken you toward a new day.

    Toward a new tomorrow.