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sayraparker — The Netherworlds ch1
Published: 2011-12-06 22:27:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 919; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 9
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Hey there, you submitted to the critique folder of the , so here I am. ^^
First and foremost, this is quite the interesting little world you've created here. I like it.
You have a tendency to jump back and forth between points of view without any clear indication that it happened. It took me a couple re-readings of a few lines here and there in order to keep track. I suggest making the switches a bit more clear.
Your descriptions are quite nice, and I like your writing style. It's descriptive enough to provide a rough image of what everything looks like and what's going on, yet leaves enough to the imagination.
Can't really find much to nitpick at here, so nice job! I hope to see more in the future. ^^
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Yay. That's great news. I really appreciate the time you took to go over it. And I think I know the instances of jumping you were referring to, and will go back to see if there are ways I can iron them out. Again. Thanks.
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I like it! I know that's not helping much, but it was thoroughly enjoyable.
Is it sad that I fall asleep the same way Cassi does at my age? hahaha
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LOL That's not sad at all! Where do you think I came up with the idea? I think everyone secretly does it...or at least that's what I hope.
And thanks for taking time to read through it. I find not a lot of people like to read chapters online like this, so 
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Took me FOREVER to get that chapter where I wanted it.
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