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Scathach — RAW
Published: 2006-04-03 04:27:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 222; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
I can feel the rhythm inside meBeating like a solid object
Again Again More More
I want the s l i t h e r of another snake
To GRAB me
To pulllllll you into myself
I’m lusting after a sick glimpse of time
It’s pulse tic toc against my skin
Underneath my dreams I see him tic toc
Pretty girl Lonely dress keep your lips pouted
Baby doll is such a mess her own hands
S me a r her love down down down
Drink me up Sit me down Stand me straight
I’ll take it any way Bring me to the other side of my own body
Run hands down dirtied lands I’m waiting for you to explore
Want me need me love me
Ravage hunger I cannot supply Finally I feel
RAW
Sink your teeth deeper in to my smooth silken skin
eat me up raw
Cut your touch even closer hold my body tantalizing
keep me oh so raw
Line your stares into my heart help your hands
to my cart of RAW
sex lined with heat hands find a beat
my heart begins to sweat
I’m raw for you.
© Kathryn Ott
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Comments: 8
the rest of the gaggle summed it up nicely and i'm glad to see your passion is not overlooked. the syncopated style stopped me when i read it so many months ago... i was more used to easier flow. here's the best way to describe this: a woman, not a girl, inviting you in and showing you what she likes. there are hints of candlelight on the tips of these words. shadows to hide in together. a refrigerator in the corner quietly chilling our favorite beer. it's casual and intimate and sexual.
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It's frida kahlo, it's john coltrane, it's all the wonderful feelings that we find in our lives. It's "sex". It's so "sex" that the curving letters drip sweet juice and giggle through flesh-toned veils. It's only the dream of young boys and girls, yet iit's every night on Earth. My skin crawls. Cheers.
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Wow...I think I need a cigarette now. I feel inspired. You are very good at this erotic poetry thing. You don't go overboard like most I've read here. You've found the difference between sexy and raunchy.
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thank you so much for your comment- i care a great deal about this piece. and to inspire someone else-well, there is no greater honor. thank you for saying i'm 'very good at this erotic poetry thing' - i take that very seriously, and erotic poetry for me is something that i work a lot on. i can write raunchy of course, but-raunchy can be too simple sometimes. and sex....sex is never simple. and it shouldn't be. sex, romance, erotica....it's fascinating, intense, it has layers, beauties, terrors, and more-and in poetry, i feel it my duty to release those layers and that pumping emotion.
thank you for fave-ing this piece as well, i greatly appreciate that. i honestly adore this piece-it holds a lot of meaning for me.
thank you again.
*kay*
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Overall, awesome. Love the middle parts. Here's what struck me as a bit cliched though:
I can feel the rhythm inside me
You don't need this line, just start with the second line.
Bring me to the other side of my own body
Don't need the "of my own body." Ambiguity here is nice.
my heart begins to sweat
I’m raw for you.
A little popsong-ish at the end. I think it's the heart-and-"for you" combo that set it off.
But still very nice. Well done.
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i'm taking your comment into consideration, i'm still debating on a few points. another part of this poem is the positioning of the words, which is not shown on here b/c i cannot for the life of me figure out how to load my piece onto the dA page OR figure out how to make it leave the spaces i put in when i'm just typing it onto here. ach-me and my aweful technology skills. ah well.
but i greatly appreciate the depth of your comment, it helps to know exactly what people do/not enjoy. thank you for your time, and your words. i appreciate them so so much.
*kay*
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I agree with you on that. But I admire your passion in this work.
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thank you so much for your comment, i truly let the passion flow in this poem.
*kay*
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