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Screwed-In-The-Head β Confession 1
Published: 2012-09-17 16:19:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 1054; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 2
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I feel like I have to just come out and say these things instead of selectively telling people. So from time to time I'll be posting my confessions about the Soul Eater fandom as it relates to my life.I don't know who exactly of my watchers knows this, but I was outpatient hospitalized two separate times when I was little because I was a danger to myself and others. Any photo you pick up of me from around that time looks exactly like Stein's face here. I suppose since that's the case I see a lot more behind his expression than most people would.
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Screenshot from episode 23.
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Comments: 59
(SORRY, SORRY, SO LOOOOOOOOONG!)
i at points compare myself to stein. theres a little bit of him in all of us. the part of us that wants nothing more than to hold someone down and beat them mercilessly. and i often, to myself refer to my best friend as spirit, my spirit. when i feel like im lost, like im ready to literally explode, she sits me down and says, theres no reason to worry, calm down, you know better than anyone that they are fake and want to be real like you. we all find that person that comforts us when we get like this and always remember, you are always loved! plus... ya know... theres always anime! and me... if you'll accept.
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I was always the kind of kid that tried to befriend all the loners, being one myself. I was always the weird one. It wasn't until fourth or fifth grade that I got a friend at school. Candace. then she moved away after a few months, and in fifth grade Emily moved in. She told me I was her first friend and I burst into tears before telling her it was the same for me. I remember saying "us weirdos need to stick together" and now that's our motto for our entire group of friends. all the people that don't have many, we take them in and they gain like 10 friends instantly. I wish there had been a group like this for you when you were little ;_; and Stein too. sorry for long comment, here's a potato.
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My feels are all over the place reading this ;_;
Whenever I hear you mention this, it makes me want to go back in time and hug you, and be your friend, but you probably don't appreciate that because you don't know me
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(unnecessarily long comment is unnecessarily long XD)
I can sort of relate to him in that I was treated like a wierdo and that I was scolded for things that were out of my control (i.e being born as a girl instead of a 'loving son would dotes on his mother'). I've also had moments in which I wish I could hurt others and make them suffer, and was held back by my conscience and my caring side. But the similarities end there.
I kinda relate more to Soul as when I was younger, I was always compared to others such as my cousins and the family friend's kids. It was like, no matter what I did, people expected more from me. I'm also very hard to read and people don't seem to understand me very well.
I've spent most of my life seeing mentors and councillors, but I've never been through what you've been through, so there isn't really anything I can say, and if I tried it wouldn't be enough, because we can't change the past nor can we change who we are. I can only hope that you remain well and that you will have a much happier and brighter future in which you wont have to suffer again.
Seeing things which stir up previous negative memories in media can often be bittersweet to encounter (especially for me). On the one hand, you feel a sense of relief because it feels like there are people who actually understand what you went through and know that it can happen, but then those horrible memories come rushing through and you end up feeling the same pain and torment as you did before. I now nearly burst in to tears when I see Bambi.
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I just want to hug little Stein and make everything better... It would be like hugging my younger self and telling me that it's okay.
Honestly Stein gives me a lot of hope for myself because of how similar he is to me. I mean, he went from a troubled child who harmed people (and probably himself too) because he didn't know how else to handle the world, to the best meister to ever graduate from the DWMA, plus a medical degree. In a very realistic manner, I might add, because unlike in some superhero movies or things like that he didn't just get rid of his "bad" qualities or ignore them, he learned to live with them and turned some of them into strengths.
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I wanna huggle him too! And reassure him! I'd also like to huggle your younger self too.
As for my younger self, she would be in for a long and harsh lecture as well as a motivating pep talk XD She needs to grow a back bone and break outta that foggy deppression and wake up to the real world XD Though she will need TLC
I agree, Stein progressed in a very healthy and realistic way and the fact that he is able to use some of his 'bad' qualities as a strength makes him far more human than most 'perfect' superheroes. (reminds me of L.O.S.E times when I say that 
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Harsh would not have worked on someone like me or little!Stein. It's really difficult to work with people like us (yes I say us, he has the personality of a real person so I treat him as one). My particular disorder, which I think Stein has too, was only recently publicized in the United States in the 1980s. That's not a lot of time for clinical and therapeutic research. One of my main problems is that because of that (and because my head is just SO different), nobody understands how my brain works. I nearly cried tears of joy every time Stein went off on a monologue about life because I completely got it, something I can't say for most people I listen to. Everything he says, it's like it's coming from my heart - which he would in turn say was actually an emotional, cognitive, and memory relation in my brain and not my actual heart, and I would then agree.
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It's always good to know that someone, even if it's a fictional character, understands you. XD though I have yet to find a character I can really familiarise myself with.
I don't think that you have to have disorder to be difficult to deal with. Sure, your brain may work differently, but everyones does. I don't have any disorders that I know of (apart from possible mild RAD) but not many people understand the way my mind works either. My dad does, to a certain extent (I'm sort of like his mini-me, only female and an anime fan XD)however, even he doesn't fully understand me either. I'm kind of like Soul in that sense, noone knows what I'm thinking and noone understands me, I actually have to tell people how I'm feeling!
My aunt only just realised recently that trying to understand me and change me is futile, and that she has to accept me as I am.
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"Sure, your brain may work differently, but everyones does."
Please don't tell me that again. Please just don't. That's not the kind of different I'm talking about. That's not the kind of different I am. I literally have physical abnormalities in my brain including an excess of misplaced, jumbled-up neurons that make it impossible for me to not hear and see EVERYTHING around me. The pathways in my brain are so off that I can really only understand logic and not anything relating to interacting with people. When I talk to "normal" people, I feel like there's a wall up between me and them. Don't tell me everyone thinks different, because It's not like that. I think so different I can't COMMUNICATE with people.
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I'm sorry! That was my retarted, inexperianced 'uneducated' side speaking, it does that to me.. a lot!!!
What I wanted to really say was: people can be difficult to deal with in different ways. Even someone who doesn't have a disorder can be extremely difficult to deal with. For example, I find it much easier to talk and have conversations with you than I do with a lot of people in my generation, because they are just a bunch of brainwashed corporate zombies who only care about the latest fashions and Jersey Shore like programmes. I don't care if you have a disorder or not, and so what if our minds work in completely different ways! We can still have interesting debates, we can still agree on things, we can still come up with theories as to why Spirit does what he does and we can both discuss various subjects and add input. The point is, thinking differently and having a different view on the world to others isn't a bad thing. If everyone in the world thought the same and had minds that worked the same, we wouldn't get anywhere in life! Life is much more colourful when viewed from multiple perspectives!
I also can't communicate my idea's very well either, whatever I say makes perfect sense in my head, but to others, it's a mess. I have to pre plan my senetences and run through them mentally to make sure they are at least somewhat coherent! I have problems talking with 'normal' people because there's a massive 'social' wall between us. I'm socially inept!
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I know it's not a bad thing sometimes. It's just frustrating. I feel like the only connection that works in this world anymore is brainwashed sheep to brainwashed sheep.
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I swear, if they were an element, their atoms would bond so closely together that they would form the strongest solid in existance and would be inert to anything else XD
But seriously, I know how frustrating it feels!
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LOL I just shared that with a chemistry teacher and made her LOL.
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But it's true, isn't it?
They're inpenetrable, you could build a fort even stronger than Fort Knox using their element XD
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lolyes
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Fort Brainwashed-sheep: No entry to those of a higher mental capacity
Entering may lead to a drastic fall in IQ and common sense.
Side effects include: inability to use language properly, obsession with soap operas, vanity and knowledge only pertaining the latest large coprate products and their releases.
Walls are made of the element mindlesssheep, a solid so strong it can withstand missiles, bombs and nuclear weapons of mass destruction.
If you value your sanity, individualy and brain capacity
DO NOT COME WITHIN A 10 MILE RADIUS OF THIS PLACE
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it XD
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lolololololol
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Just realised.... I spelt 'individuality' wrong
I think I may have been infected *shudders*
*runs to decontamination chamber*
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NUUUUUUUUUUUU
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*decontamination complete*
*leaves chamber*
Phew.... that was close. I shudder to think what would've happened if I didn't make it on time *shudders strongly*
I think I'd die if it ever happened to me!
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You wouldn't know it though... That's the scary part.
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It's like some creepy virus, once you've passed the lag phase.... you're DOOMED!! No amount of treatment will be able to save you!!!!
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yes
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I LOVE EPISODE 23!!!! -huggles-
This feels really awkward now, especially since I KNOW you're older than I am, but Fangirls ALWAYS watch out fo'
each odder. WE WUV YOU!!!
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It is really great that you're sharing your feelings like this
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....umm thanks
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Not to be awkward
Just saying, it takes guts and you deserve a clap on the back
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thanks
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You're welcome
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^^
I should put these in my regular gallery. I don't care if people bitch at me for the screenshots, no one watches my scraps. >>
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Do what you want dude
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