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ScribbledNotes — We Keep Finding New Ways...
Published: 2008-10-05 08:13:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 286; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 2
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Description Rusted handles of non-fiction I could
never get a handle on and breaks
in between piles of autumn leaves
clumped together by Zephyr's wind
keeps an empty feeling inside of me,
a hindrance and bashful resentment
coming to full force by the
building impressions of stress -
even in moderation, it's not best to
exist, I insist, I insist.

They make those jeans for skinny
white girls, she says.
They make those jeans for skinny
girls, I muse, leaving Race at the
door, for I know of the Chinese
who slink through tiny cracks
in the floors and of Indians
wearing bindi proudly who impress
the idea of small, of small create.
And you leave sentiments of unswerving
devotion at the door, useless and
thoroughly overdone in topical conversations
since years past. These differences

create lovely gaps for us, crossing
chasms with toothpicks and thread; I'm
no MacGyver and you're no Dreamgirls,
but you wouldn't believe it if I showed
you the credits to the movie and years
of Broadway performance – your name
reads nowhere on the Playbills, do you see?

I never beat Super Mario Brothers and
the Princess is still locked away in the
castle. Little wonder the bitterness
stays put so well on your tongue, my Princess.
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Comments: 26

YouInventedMe [2008-10-12 08:11:45 +0000 UTC]

fantastic flow

the first two stanzas are the strongest


xo!

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ScribbledNotes In reply to YouInventedMe [2008-10-24 22:42:46 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!

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anyimacielgray [2008-10-11 04:22:01 +0000 UTC]

My love for this poem might be a few days too late. I was wondering if you'd allow me to express it anyway. The last stanza is my favourite. But I love the rest of it as well.

The opening is stunning.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to anyimacielgray [2008-10-11 05:52:45 +0000 UTC]

A love for a poem can never be late. I'm so glad you like this! I do feel proud of everything overall, that is true.

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anyimacielgray In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-10-11 15:05:55 +0000 UTC]

I'm so glad I found this. [:
And I forgot to favourite it last night.

It was one o'clock in the morning.
So this morning.

You should feel proud [:
This is a gorgeous story.

Your stanzas are so neat.
Mine are always all over the place.
I am trying to communicate jealousy, here.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to anyimacielgray [2008-10-24 22:53:39 +0000 UTC]

It is communicated perfectly, though I don't know why. Thank you so much. I'm glad someone noticed! I always try to keep my stanzas and line breaks to sensible amounts.

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anyimacielgray In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-10-25 01:06:12 +0000 UTC]

[:

i can deal with perfectly.

sensible is always a plus.
maybe that is why that adjective has never been used to describe me.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to anyimacielgray [2008-11-11 00:01:45 +0000 UTC]

Ah, but now is a good time for it to start being used on you, eh?

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anyimacielgray In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-11-11 00:38:20 +0000 UTC]

as good as any.

[:

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Alexa88 [2008-10-06 04:12:27 +0000 UTC]

oh hey, others liked the second stanza as well. Good taste.

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Alexa88 [2008-10-06 04:11:41 +0000 UTC]

Nice i like the second stanza best i think... the titled, either way.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to Alexa88 [2008-10-06 20:55:55 +0000 UTC]

Yay!!!!

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CrashHooligan [2008-10-06 00:47:54 +0000 UTC]

I love these lines:

"I muse, leaving Race at the
door, for I know of the Chinese
who slink through tiny cracks
in the floors and of Indians
wearing bindi proudly who impress
the idea of small, of small create."

Also, regarding the last two words, I do think it flows better without them, but yet I like them and don't want them taken away.
But i'm always ambivalent.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to CrashHooligan [2008-10-06 20:54:58 +0000 UTC]

I know! It's bothering me, cause, they came up later, after reading them for like a third time and decided it would add more weight, but might be overstating the obvious and wasn't sure! But the pace is thrown off! The majority is going towards the no add though.

THANK YOU! I;m glad you like that part, I really like that part, too.

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hauntingmewithsmiles [2008-10-06 00:36:59 +0000 UTC]

I like the last two.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to hauntingmewithsmiles [2008-10-06 20:55:31 +0000 UTC]

You do?! Wow! What to do?

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etto-etto [2008-10-05 18:11:10 +0000 UTC]

Hmmms. When I read it, it sounds better without; however, I like the personal sense I receive with just those two words added in the end.

"even in moderation it's not best to/exist, I insist, I insist. " I love those lines <3

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ScribbledNotes In reply to etto-etto [2008-10-05 18:37:50 +0000 UTC]

Me toos! Good, yeah, I think I'll leave it be without. It is personal, but seems overstated, you know?

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IsabellaMichel [2008-10-05 16:39:35 +0000 UTC]

Hmmmm I suppose without. Though it's good with as well.
I never beat super mario bros as well.
"They make those jeans for skinny
white girls, she says.
They make those jeans for skinny
girls, I muse, leaving Race at the
door"
I love these lines.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to IsabellaMichel [2008-10-05 17:26:10 +0000 UTC]

I thought so! It seemed a bit too much of me making sure I was telling you what I thought of her. I'll see if anyone else has comments about that, but I'm leaning on taking it out.

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IsabellaMichel In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-10-09 04:38:21 +0000 UTC]

K. Let me know on your choice.

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ScribbledNotes In reply to IsabellaMichel [2008-10-11 05:52:00 +0000 UTC]

Hey, by the way, you do know I was talking about the last stanza and not the title of the piece, right? I think I made everyone confused!!! Again!!!

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IsabellaMichel In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-10-11 06:13:33 +0000 UTC]

Well I'm not sure. What was your take on it?
I'll tell you mine afterward. xD

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ScribbledNotes In reply to IsabellaMichel [2008-10-11 06:18:09 +0000 UTC]

After much... not really... deliberation, I conclude that you, dear, knew what I was talking about all along! lol

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IsabellaMichel In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-10-11 06:22:16 +0000 UTC]

That's a good thing! After all I find that I am often confused....
So hooray!

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ScribbledNotes In reply to IsabellaMichel [2008-10-11 06:32:34 +0000 UTC]

Hooray indeed! lol

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