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secondoracle — Love Lost
Published: 2004-11-11 10:59:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 182; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 40
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Description Smoothest hips and honeyed lips
more sweetened by his prose
with sighs like songs her arms did long
to keep him till he rose

But red dawn came with battle's flame
and swept him with it's sign
now with a part deep in her heart
she does the world malign

Did she pray through night and day
to see his safe return?
or did she sleep, her breathing deep
with dreams of him, and burn?

Now as a ghost of hallowed hosts
she drifts along the beach
her grief profound, her lover drowned
kept ever out of reach
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secondoracle - Friendship
Comments: 10

xSum1TellMeYx [2004-11-12 19:22:41 +0000 UTC]

beautiful poem beautifully written

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LadyDeMary [2004-11-12 05:07:15 +0000 UTC]

very very nicely done.. I too a poet in heart too often critisized for a rhyme. Told it was a forced poem, my answer to them ~ precisely what you've said. It comes to me as a storm in the sea... all I do is get it to paper (or napkin, or whatever I can write on at that very time) I am impressed... I love your words. :bows to her: Thank you for sharing!

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n3v3r-f0r3v3r [2004-11-12 02:53:19 +0000 UTC]

brilliant

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Vanilla-Skies [2004-11-11 12:31:05 +0000 UTC]

oooo... damn it.. this is awesome... made me cry

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secondoracle In reply to Vanilla-Skies [2004-11-11 22:04:04 +0000 UTC]

made you cry? Wow. never had an actual emotional reaction before. Thanks!

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Vanilla-Skies In reply to secondoracle [2004-11-12 12:04:34 +0000 UTC]

i dont blv it.. think it ought to make ne1 cry.. u cried aftr writin it?

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almightysquish [2004-11-11 11:18:05 +0000 UTC]

Very Nice And yes, I know the feeling. I couldn't sleep for a week over a poem I wrote... It's a very nice poem, I love how easily it seems to rhyme... My only arguement might be that the rhythm almost seems a little fast for a poem of this genre. If you somehow slowed it down it would be more moving, I think. But it is great as it is!

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secondoracle In reply to almightysquish [2004-11-11 22:07:18 +0000 UTC]

thanks. I have been thinking about elongating it. Peraps adding another stanza or two. As I said in the description this poem simply sprang upon me while I was outside in my yard. Had to get inside fast before I lost it. And yeah I agree anyone writng poetry should have a better than average command of language and vocabulary.

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almightysquish In reply to secondoracle [2004-11-12 11:54:39 +0000 UTC]

Yea, that could be good, adding a bit... Interesting, at very least. Would you let me know if you added one? I'd love to read

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almightysquish In reply to almightysquish [2004-11-11 11:19:46 +0000 UTC]

I love your language/vocabulary, too. It's always nice to find some variation in language, or poems start to sound too familiar...

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