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Published: 2008-02-07 19:15:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 4343; Favourites: 56; Downloads: 8
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Deidara couldn’t answer Sasori for a long time, but was perfectly aware of how long he was taking- a clock close by reminded him of that with its abnormally loud Tick! He could feel Sasori’s eye boring into his own, and the temptation to look away itched at the blond wildly, but he did not look away. Something inside him told him that if he couldn’t even manage to give Sasori an answer, he should at least not duck out like a coward.He did think of something to say eventually...but was it even worth saying? He was pretty much sure that Sasori knew it himself...so was it really necessary to point it out? Still...the thought of the awkward silence remaining wasn’t pleasing either.
“I’m not really sure what to say, un,...but I have something to ask.” He said in q quiet voice. “Will it really ease your mind, killing those murders, un? I know its revenge....but is it worth it?”
“I think I know what you’re trying to say, Deidara, but I can’t...” Sasori told him, trailing off for a moment, his voice now overrun with sadness. “...I just can’t let them get away with it.” He told Deidara, his voice sounding like he was on the verge of tears, but desperately fighting them back.
Deidara tried not to look like he was being patronizing Sasori, but couldn’t help feeling pangs of guilt and sadness hit him as the redhead spoke. His face softened as he bit down hard on his lip, whilst clenching Sasori’s hand firmly.
“I can’t really say I understand...but if it was me, un, I’d probably do the same thing, un.” Deidara said softly, trying to form a small yet effective smile on his lips. “But...answer me this...can you even remember what you used to be like before you started taking revenge, un?”
Sasori let what the blond asked him sink in, before even attempting to answer. Moments passed, before the red-haired teenager slowly shook his head, which was only just visible in the low light.
He didn’t...it was like he had become a new being. Just how the actions of others can change someone’s life forever and alter their mind is phenomenal, as Sasori now knew. It was a painful realisation to think about just how much he had changed...did he really used be normal?
It was then that he realised something else, because he had become so engrossed in killing those who killed them...he almost forget his parents along the way.
What were they like? How were they towards him? He was searching his mind frantically for those pieces of information, but stopped when he knew that they wouldn’t come, ever, because he had forgotten. He had forgotten just what he had been avenging in the first place...
He seemed to be realising a lot in this short space of time, but he did also remember that he had told Deidara all this because he didn’t want to tell the blond about his feelings for him. Well...It wasn’t so bad, him knowing. It was definitely better him knowing about this certain part of Sasori’s past and feelings rather than the ones concerning him. That would definitely be disastrous.
Trying to take his mind off that of his past, Sasori squeezed on Deidara’s hand, grinning as he did so, causing the sculptor to look at him in surprise.
“Deidara, it’s your turn. You said you would tell me, what was it...?” He said, grinning slightly, in mock questioning. “Ah, wasn’t it “I’ll tell you something, that I wouldn’t normally, as a trade.” So...go ahead.”
Urgh...why did Sasori have to have a good memory? Well, it was it was my own fault, for even suggesting the trade, Deidara thought to himself. He had already thought of what he was about to tell the redhead, but that actual prospect of it being in the open was downright scary.
The blond hesitated, agitated and very nervous. Sasori didn’t help much- by looking at him all the time, it was making him go redder and redder, unable to speak.
He really, really didn’t want to have to tell the redhead anything, but he had made a deal, and Deidara wasn’t someone to go back on what he said.
“Fine, un...” He said with expiration. “I feel a bit stupid saying this, un, but the thing is...I’m Gay...or Bi...I’m not really sure, un. But I don’t like girls in that way at all...un.”
Deidara was starting to blush even more, his face now resembling that of Sasori’s red-hair. It was a small mercy that because of the low light, Sasori couldn’t exactly see the blond’s rapidly increasing blush.
“I feel stupid saying it out loud, ‘cos some people are able to tell others, err, sexuality, un.” He gulped. “So it might be that I’m pointing out the obvious, un...oh, god, I’m babbling.” He muttered, cursing in his mind.
Sasori had to laugh at that “Oh, god, I’m babbling” despite trying to look really serious as Deidara was talking to him.
He was being serious for the rest of what Deidara had said, really, especially when he found out...well, what seemed like Deidara’s orientation.
It was true that Sasori had noticed that the blond would probably be gay, but it wasn’t the best option to ask him outright, mainly because he had no idea how Deidara would respond or if it would offend him.
Wow...hopefully he wouldn’t have to say all that to the blond; it was a bit of a mouthful.
He did wonder why exactly he chose this information to tell him? Hmmm...could it be that Deidara thought it might affect their friendship, or something along those lines.
Maybe he wanted to know if I was homophobic or not, Sasori thought to himself. Also...wouldn’t it be worth asking how the blond knew he was gay? He wasn’t that curios...ok, maybe he was, but it made sense to ask now, while they were still on the topic, than at any other time.
Sasori smiled at Deidara, to try and reassure him a bit. Sasori didn’t know exactly what he was trying to reassure the blond of, but he did look quite nervous form what Sasori could see in the dim lighting.”You do know I’m not homophobic at all, don’t you? Just saying in case you thought I was.”
Deidara looked straight as Sasori, bewildered. This was going really well, from what Sasori had already said, telling him this wasn’t a bad decision at all. In fact, Deidara felt a lot more comfortable now it was out in the open between them.
The blond’s face relaxed into a smile, as he gave a very small laugh. He was
beginning to enjoy this little trade of information, and was about to ask Sasori whether they should continue when the redhead spoke again.
“I’m a bit curios to how you know that your gay, Deidara.” He asked the blond quiet softly, not really wanting to alarm him.
That was about the worst thing he could have heard right then....or at least the worst thing Sasori could be “curios about.” Deidara gulped, his heart beat increasing.
The answer for what Sasori had asked him arose to the centre of his mind as soon as the redhead asked it, but it was something that he most definitely didn’t want to reveal to anyone. But he would rather have everyone in the entire world know except Sasori, than tell him right now...
But that seemed almost impossible, as Sasori gave the impression that Deidara couldn’t worm his way or lie out of this one. He didn’t know whether it was the redhead’s tone of voice, or if it was the way he was looking at him, but he definitely got that feeling.
This isn’t good...the only way he could possibly make it less disastrous was to tell some of it...but leave out a little, but huge at the same time, detail. Would it convince Sasori?...Well, He would just have to chance it.
“I know be-because I like someone...of the same gender, un, as me. As in...” He hesitating, almost praying that something would happen so that he wasn’t able to continue, but obviously nothing of that sort did happen, so he continued, and practically forcing himself to do so.
“...I have a crush on them, un.”
Sasori wasn’t expecting Deidara to say that...he expected him to say something along the line of “Oh, I dunno, un. I don’t like girls, un.” But he did actually have more of a reason than that? Interesting...
The redhead took note of Deidara’s hesitation, meaning that he had probably not said it out loud before, let alone to another person. Lucky me, thought Sasori, a little sarcastically.
So...Deidara had a crush on some one, did he? Well, it was believable. And also...made the redhead think back to his conversation with himself earlier, when he had contemplated his feeling about Deidara. Sasori felt like he had crush on the blond, but nothing else. Yet.
But...did the blond feel the same way to this other person? That would be worth asking, but first, Sasori frowned as he asked himself a question. What was that weird emotion that had just developed in Sasori’s “feelings” at that present time? Could it possibly be... jealously?
Was he jealous That Deidara like someone else? No, that was crazy. Deidara could like anyone he wanted; it wasn’t as if it involved Sasori at all....unless it did. Urgh...stop contradicting yourself, Sasori told himself angrily.
Wait, now...what if the sculptor didn’t have feelings for this mystery other person..but the blond had the same feelings for Sasori, that Sasori had for the blond. That would definitely be interesting...and it seemed to make sense why the blond didn’t to tell Sasori why he knew he was gay in the first place, because he likes Sasori in that way. Obviously that would be answer! Sasori mentally cursed himself for not recognising it in the first place.
“You have feelings for someone of the same gender....” Sasori repeated, slowly, causing Deidara to bite down on his lip.
Sasori now changed to to a very serious tone, talking now to Deidara and not to himself. “ I’m not sure if you feel we’re are good enough friends for you to be able to tell me anything, so i have to ask, are we at that stage?"
Deidara gave him a very quizzical look. Why the hell was Sasori going on about friendship now? “I guess, un...” He told him.
“Oh, so we are? Alright and i would assume...that you would tell me about your feelings for this...person, am I correct?”
Deidara nodded, unable to speak.
“Ok...so then, why did you hesitate?” He asked, but didn’t give time for Deidara to answer as it was more of out-loud thinking. “I would assume, because of this, that you worried about telling me those feelings...because those feelings were about me?”
Sasori leaned in closer to Deidara, dropping his voice so that he was absolutely positive nothing he was saying could be heard.
“ So I need to ask...Do you have a crush on me, Deidara?”
Deidara watched Sasori lean into him, shortening their distance from each other. Was this good or bad?
He really couldn’t mentally tell anymore; it was like his brain had turned into goo with nervousness. Now finally, it seemed, Sasori was going to say something really private or something...and that’s why he leaned in closer. It made the sculptor feel uncomfortable to s say the least.
Oh...good...god. Was it really happening? Did the red head just ask him that? Oh, sh*t, this was really awful.
Why did Sasori “need” to ask him that?! It was the very thing Deidara feared answering the most, because he knew the answer and meant it as well. What the blond said in retaliation to Sasori could quiet possibly decide what their future relationship, whether it deciding they were friends still...or if this could possibly mean they would be become more...
All this pressure was too much. Deidara wanted to scream, or run, or even both, but his limbs didn’t seem to be paying attention to what his mind was saying; He just continued to sit their in his chair, mouth slowly opening in shock, yet somehow his hand was still holding onto Sasori’s.
Deidara felt speechless, but with forcing himself, as well as averting his cerulean away from the redhead and onto the cold black floor of the restaurant, he managed to come out with a very quiet “Yes.”
The redhead let this information register, before he pulled away from the blond, not uttering a word until he was sat once again normally at his chair, able to just about see Deidara very hurt and confused face form the dim light of the moon streaming for the outside.
The Puppeteer seemed to be frowning; his eyes closed, and did for what seemed like an extremely long time, as in deep thought. Deidara watched him all the time, hardly able breath with anxiety.
Sasori finally seemed to stop frowning, and opened his mouth to speak, drawing in a deep breath. Well...he had a lot to say.
“Okay, Deidara. You have a crush on me....” He paused, opening his eyes at long last. “In a way...I thought you might have. I mean, I don’t wanna shock you, but I had one on you too.” Sasori was aware he was using the wrong tense, but decided to use it too explain what he wanted to say better.
“I don’t want you to get upset over your feelings. Crushes, love...any affectionate feeling is really just one big mess of hormones.” Sasori stopped his little speech, realising just how stupid and ...mother like that information sounded, but continued after mentally kicking himself.
“Well, what I’m trying to say is, it’s pretty natural that you’d have a crush on me. And that’s because we spend a lot of time together, and with just us too. It’s easy to get attached to that.
Your crush will pass; it’ll be gone soon, I reckon. Mine did.” He paused again, drawing breath. “It’s not anything to be ashamed of; people get them all the time. I’m not really explaining this very well...um, Deidara, I’m trying not to sound patronizing, but sorry if it sounds it.”
Sasori knew that he was lying by saying his feelings for Deidara had passed...it was quite opposite, actually.
He had only realised his feelings today...but rather then saying that, he had pretended that those feelings didn’t exist anymore because he wasn’t very reliable on his feelings, and if he told Deidara that he also had feelings, the blond might get to hopeful, and then would be extremely hurt, espescially if Sasori came to the conclusion that his crush on Deidara was just a crush. In defence of himself, Sasori made himself remember that he was saying this because it was, in a way, protecting the blond’s feelings. He hoped.
This information felt like it had put up a very forceful for Deidara to listen. He new what the puppeteer was telling him, and could understand crystal clearly, but he didn’t WANT to hear it!
Sure, he understood what Sasori was telling him amidst the ramble “Don’t worry, you’ll stop liking me like that eventually” It was probably advice he would want to hear...if it hadn’t been Sasori, the one who he had feeling for, who said it!
What made it worse was perhaps the “mine did.” Deidara’s eyes snapped back over to watch the redhead when he said so, them also widening in astonishment. Sasori used to like him? That was...just awful! Well, it was sort of nice, but it meant that he didn’t like him in that way anymore!
Right now Deidara needed some alone time, so he got up from his chair and mumbled a word that vaguely resembled “toilet” before heading in the direction of the men’s room.
He paused, halfway on his journey to the bathroom, realising that he still hadn’t given Sasori the birthday present he had bought for him...
“Look in my bag, danna...un.” He said, turning back to face the redhead, waiting no longer than a minute before going into the toilets.
Why was Deidara getting up? Oh, sh*t, have I upset him? Sasori panicked, eyeing the blond curiously, and sighed when he mentioned where he was going.
The puppeteer knew Deidara was most probably going in there to get away from it all, and so gave him some space, muttering “okay” in response.
After Deidara had gone, Sasori flung his arms down onto the cool black table, whacking his arms into his arms with anger. Sh*t....he really had said the wrong thing. Sasori couldn’t see Deidara to well with the lack of light, but he could easily tell that he was upset.
Oh, god Sasori, what the hell have you done?!
Oh...what was that Deidara had said before he departed? Look in his bag? Hmmm...
The redhead got up from the table, and walked over where the blond’s original chair was, plucking his shoulder bag form the seat. Reaching inside the quiet large bag, his hand felt something quiet bulky and squashy. Huh? What was it?
He pulled it out, the tell tale sign of wrapping paper giving away that it was a present as it rustled in the quiet restaurant. Sasori tried to examine it with touch, but when he failed in indentifying it, walked over to the window where the best source of light was coming from the silver moon outside.
How sweet of him...to by a present...
Sasori held it in his hands for a while, the package being quiet large and squishy. He finally did open it, slowly pealing away the shiny purple paper, until something material related tumbled out into Sasori’s hands.
Holding it to the window, Sasori examined his gift more closely, seeing that it was soft gray hoodie, with black spiral designs on the front and back, alongside small kanji characters located at the pockets, reading “love” on the right side, and “hate” on the left.
Sasori said nothing, but let his eyes watch it for a couple moments longer, before slipping it over his tee-shirt silently, smiling. The paper fell of the table where Sasori had placed it, and it was there that the puppeteer noticed the little tag attached to it.
He picked up the note gingerly, eyes relaxing yet also filling up when he read what the blond had scrolled across its surface.
“To Sasori-no-Danna,
Happy Birthday! I didn’t know your size so I had to guess, but I hope you like it!
Love from Deidara”
Ever since the power had gone out, at approximately 6:20 in the restaurant, those dining had been engulfed in darkness and locked inside its premises’. Some were asleep on the plush leather settees of the lobby, while others, including Sasori and Deidara, were still sitting at their table.
Well, Sasori was sitting at the table; Deidara was sitting on a spare chair next to him. Well, he was until almost half an hour ago, when he had disappeared into the toilets.
Deidara had said nothing, yet he wanted to talk to the redhead more than ever. The sculptor was still pained form telling the redhead about his crush on him, but even more so by the redheads “advice”.
Sasori looked so...natural, when Deidara had confided in him. Almost reacting as if it was one of the most natural things in the world.
Though, in retrospect, it was one of the most normal things in the world, for people to have crushes on others or fall in love with others.
But to Deidara, it was as if something special had happened to him, like it was something only he had, and that feeling was the fact of liking Sasori in the way he did.
That’s why the redhead’s comforting yet exceedingly natural words hurt so very much.
The blond had been in the toilets for a while now, and prepared to go back into the restaurant soon.
He had thought about what Sasori had said for all the time he had been in there, and came to a conclusion about what he wanted to do. He was not going to rely on what Sasori had said about the feelings passing, if anything he was hoping they would grow stronger.
Even though he was upset about learning the redhead didn’t like him in that way, he planned to act normal when he went back out...because he didn’t really want Sasori to feel guilty or anything, which he felt would happen if he did go to join him again, tears streaming down his face.
He gathered up enough courage to go back into the restaurant, arming himself with things he might say to Sasori, when upon opening the door of the toilets, came face to face with him.
Deidara’s face slowly increased in redness as he felt Sasori’s eyes stare at him. Both boys didn’t say anything for a while, but when they did pipe up, they did so at the exact same time.
“Sasori I-“no, Deidara, I-“But what-“I mean-“I’m Sorry!””
Both boys then started to laugh, perhaps finding it much more amusing then they normally would’ve had.
“Deidara...can i go first?” Sasori asked the younger blond tentatively. He nodded, so Sasori continued. “I just wanted to...”
He trailed off, stepping closer to the blond, in advance to flinging his amrsd around Deidara neck, pulling him closer and hugging him tightly. “I just wanted to say thanks for the present. Thanks so much...” He tailed off again, hugging the blond even tighter.
Deidara blushed uncontrollably, thankful yet again for the lack of light. He placed mis arms around the puppeteers waist, hugging him back softly. The blond was so moved by the redheads sudden bout of affection, he forgot completely what he was going to say.
It felt, to both Sasori and Deidara, like they were standing there forever, but they couldn’t have been, because they would never have been rescued at long last out of the restaurant about an hour later, before saying goodbye to each other a couple of hours later, which was well into the early hours of the next day.
In all, Sasori had to think it as he was being driven back to his house in the passenger side of a police car that it had been the best birthday he had had in a long time.
Slowly but surely, November 2007 came to an end, the weather taking a turn for the worse as it headed into December.
It was like the reverse of what happened in November seemed to be happening in December, as the month seemed to fly by, mainly because each night towards the middle of it was devoted to revision for final exams, and because Sasori and Deidara both were worked like slaves during basketball practices, taking up a lot of time on the whole.
Before long, the exam stress of the exams were over, as they had been completed a week before the students of high school were set to break up for the Christmas holidays.
And it was during this Christmas holiday, that an event struck that would complicate the life’s of Sasori and Deidara a little more then they already were...
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Comments: 55
xXDarkWolfMissXx [2012-11-04 22:21:49 +0000 UTC]
aw dei I could picture the hoodie u gave him ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
jisko2ijsko [2010-12-10 18:37:53 +0000 UTC]
what does HSFF exaly mean?
i still don't know :S
btw: awesome serie
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
izzy-nut-girl In reply to jisko2ijsko [2011-07-06 02:22:13 +0000 UTC]
hsff stands for high school fan fiction
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
jisko2ijsko In reply to izzy-nut-girl [2011-07-06 09:56:02 +0000 UTC]
... ow...
kind of obvios now...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Seisheun-chan In reply to jisko2ijsko [2011-04-14 11:40:04 +0000 UTC]
Its an acronym (sorry, i have no idea how to spell that word) for High School Fan Fiction
Thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed reading it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seisheun-chan In reply to MJDubius42 [2011-04-14 11:40:22 +0000 UTC]
Thanks!! I'm very flattered that you do
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ice-fire321 [2010-06-09 06:45:03 +0000 UTC]
No Sasori, don't deny your love! D:
I luff this, by the way. XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Seisheun-chan In reply to ice-fire321 [2010-08-04 21:07:35 +0000 UTC]
Aww Sasori has a few emotion problems at the moment, bless Thank you very much! I'm extremely glad that you like this
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
samanthakintobor1 [2009-07-09 11:02:57 +0000 UTC]
oh lord it's like 7 am and i've been reading this all night must not sleep need more yaoi( goes a yaoi zombie rant) here have a flower(hands flower)
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Seisheun-chan In reply to samanthakintobor1 [2010-08-04 21:10:49 +0000 UTC]
Ohh I am very flattered that you liked this story so much to carry on reading it
Thank you for the flower!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SilverMoon123467 [2008-09-01 17:30:01 +0000 UTC]
Wait......are Sasori and Deidara NOT going to be together???
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Seisheun-chan In reply to SilverMoon123467 [2010-08-04 21:12:05 +0000 UTC]
They will be, it just takes them a little while thats all
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
rabbit-the-brat [2008-07-31 05:47:42 +0000 UTC]
"oh, god, I'm babbling." I have half a mind to make that my new signature!
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Seisheun-chan In reply to rabbit-the-brat [2010-08-04 21:12:28 +0000 UTC]
You definately have permission to do so! It would be great if you did
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
rabbit-the-brat In reply to samsilly12345 [2009-12-13 06:45:06 +0000 UTC]
great minds think alike.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dragonfly129 [2008-06-22 04:12:53 +0000 UTC]
i have read 10 chapters in one night and i am now so tired im hyper and cant stop laughing you are a complete genius i am so jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Seisheun-chan In reply to dragonfly129 [2010-08-04 21:12:57 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! I'm very glad that you like this
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dragonfly129 In reply to Seisheun-chan [2010-09-13 02:37:02 +0000 UTC]
No problem honey~! Awesome stuff.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seisheun-chan In reply to ren7fuzzy [2010-08-04 21:13:13 +0000 UTC]
Ahhh, I'm very glad you like reading this
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seisheun-chan In reply to ren7fuzzy [2008-02-15 11:45:28 +0000 UTC]
I'm so glad you like it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seisheun-chan In reply to Sheetaofthevalley [2008-02-08 19:34:55 +0000 UTC]
LOLZ! XD
niiiiice fangirl squeal! No offence, but i'm gonna hide the comment cos it's stretching the page~
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Seisheun-chan In reply to Seisheun-chan [2008-02-08 19:36:13 +0000 UTC]
Whoops, i put the mood on angry! I didn't mean too, sorry!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seisheun-chan In reply to Serenade-Of-Fire [2008-02-08 19:42:51 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much! The next part i have already written some of, so it should be either earlier in the week or longer, so that should make it better~
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ChArLiEs-ShAdow [2008-02-07 22:22:04 +0000 UTC]
Awesome!!!>w<
I started crying for some reason when deidara told sasori he liked him and then sasori just gave him da advice!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Seisheun-chan In reply to ChArLiEs-ShAdow [2008-02-08 19:40:24 +0000 UTC]
Aww! *passes tissues* I feel really sorry for Deidara
I mean it's not exactly what you wanna hear after you've told someone you like them and they tell you that you'll stop liking them eventually! Poor Dei-dei.
Thanks so much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ChArLiEs-ShAdow In reply to Seisheun-chan [2008-02-08 21:44:39 +0000 UTC]
poor dei-dei!Thanks for da tissue and you're welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
cludclud [2008-02-07 21:38:51 +0000 UTC]
omfg i fukin love it soooooo utch (im gettin all the swerin out for tomorow)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Seisheun-chan In reply to cludclud [2008-02-08 19:41:16 +0000 UTC]
thanks so much Twin~
you'll never be able to go whole day without swearing, unless you can't physically talk or make hand gestures.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
whereeveryougo [2008-02-07 19:42:58 +0000 UTC]
you have all right to be proud of this one! I love it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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