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The dudes carefully listened and heard what I said
They could conquer the Dean and bring out all his dread,
But a lovely temptation called on from ahead
To convert him to barefootin ticklin instead;
What a victory if he would happily choose
Voluntarily then to kick off both his shoes,
And then after some barefootin add to the news
If he found barefeet ticklin a cure for his blues;
The whole town grew quite eager for sharing their fate
All the men and teen boys thought that it would be great,
And their eagerness burned til they just couldn't wait
For the Dean might half love what he most claimed to hate;

"If you might wait a moment," responded the Dean
As he icily glared upon each man and teen,
When he saw how their faces looked ever so keen
"I'm afraid there's a factor you haven't foreseen;
Now I can't claim to know why you have such a thirst
To attack my composure and cause it to burst,
But before you get started and show me your worst
There's just one little fact that you ought to know first;
You might think you can drive me right over a wall
And for some bizarre reason, you'd find it a ball,
But to follow this course you'll go right to a fall
I assure you, my feet are not ticklish at all;

I was small when our town had no money for toys
And the plan they devised then for substitute joys,
Was to tickle the feet of the poor little boys
Til they filled the whole town with their laughter and noise;
All the other boys thought it a wonderful treat
Laughed as loud as a loon when they tickled their feet,
And declared that their foot-tickling couldn't be beat
But Ialways remained most serenely discreet;
My soles never felt any start of a wriggle
My toes never yielded the least little wiggle,
My tiny bare feet yielded up not a jiggle
I never felt any small impulse to giggle;"