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"I have always achieved a most pleasing success
As I've altered the lives of the towns I impress,
And reform all their manners, their speech and their dress
Thus relieving the world of a source of distress;
On so noble a mission I've gladly been bound
As I've bettered the lives of the people I've found,
And I'd met with the best of results all around
Up until I encountered a terrible sound;
I'd been spreading politeness where men had been rude
And evoked finer feelings where they had been crude,
And made all I encountered disdain to be rude
When I came to the town where disaster ensued;"

"I would never have thought I'd find trouble that day
I was eager and itching to enter the fray,
And get everyone longing to do as I say
When I saw a strange sight as I went on the way;
As I thought of the towns I'd already set free
And was sure that this next place was ready for me,
Then I looked up ahead and was startled to see
A whole boatload of shoes flung right into a tree;
I was truly confused by the sight of the scene
To bedeck a great oak tree so vernal and green,
But a sense of the future just made me more keen
To go on and find out what the shoe tree could mean;"

"So I entered the town and it seemed a bit naff
That there wasn't a sign of a welcoming staff,
Then I heard many townsmen, perhaps even half
They were making a sound and it seemed like a laugh;
Then the sound just grew louder the nearer I drew
As I reached the town square, I knew just what to do,
So I took out my spyglass and quickly I knew
Not a sole in the town was concealed by a shoe;
All those men and teen boys being so indiscreet
Not a shoe to be seen in the square or the street,
And then what I saw next made my horror complete
They were eagerly TICKLING each other's BARE FEET!"