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Description
They send you to the hospital to become better, they send you when you’re sick, but what they don’t tell you is how you can feel in the process. You can sit lost and scared in the back of the car; you’re so confused as your mind begins to sway. The first night you’ve forgotten because it was all in a haze, the pain and hate that you feel for yourself manifest itself in darker thoughts than you’d like. You see blades in your mind, the belt you hid below your desk, you know how it feels it’s just one little slip, you could do it and never even know; but you knew as you sat in the back of the car, that you couldn’t turn back. It was the hardest you’ve ever done but for the past few months it’s become oh so hard to stay clear.

So as they load you in the bed they ask you several questions; your mind is spinning and half the time you can’t remember what they were, you try your best to answer but sometimes all you can think is “Am I doing the right thing?” “My friends need me why am I taking time for myself?” you hear someone’s voice in your head but you’re not sure who it is, you try to close your eyes and all you can hear is the radio at the nurses’ station. You want to the tear it out, but you know for some reason it’s like a message from someone, you can’t say who because you were sure they were gone. They sent you down this path, not in a bad way but by showing you that you were too much sometimes, and that you were scary, strong and a lot of the time you could be calm. You felt a toxicity growing in your chest, you knew if you didn’t get the help you wouldn’t be there for the rest.

So you sit there the first night, curled up in the corner of a chair, watching as they load some people in, you can’t speak; you can’t think it’s too loud you want to run. They give you something to sleep and lights out at ten, you can’t read because you didn’t bring a book, you don’t trust your room mate too much but that’s because of your past, he soon proves himself to be untrustworthy by pushing you to the floor so you lash out; and in that rage they almost send you further away. You feel like you can’t escape; like this is your fate. Everything smells so sterile you’re sure that’s what they’ll make you after a while. The next morning comes and the doctors ask more questions, you answer them truthfully a little shaky but understandably. You’re scared the place is so foreign; you watch as one of them wanders the hall talking to their self, you feel as if you can’t speak. There is no way you could be this wrong could you? You aren’t that sick at all are you? But in truth you are unsure of yourself, there have been times in the first night where you tried to figure out the way you could hurt yourself, you felt so lost and alone, everything was welling up inside you and you felt like a beast. Worst part is you can feel the voice crawl inside your head; it tells you, you are better off dead.

As one day turns into two, the way they are treating you makes you feel so much better, you realize now that it wasn’t you; you weren’t the person who came into the place. The place becomes bright you start to talk to the other patients, save for the ones that talk to themselves because you feel like you are intruding upon a conversation not yet yours. You eat regularly because they supply with the food and unlike what you’ve heard and even what you’ve envisioned, they are trying to help you to the best of their ability; so you begin to open up, hoping that there is luck. Yet you know deep inside, that there is that one chance you could back slide. You hold tight to your friends; even the one that you thought you lost, you know you have support. But it is so hard

This is a new road, a new leaf, a chance to show the world you aren’t the monster they wanted to create and for that you are thankful for your friends, new, old, lost and brought back again.

Description
They send you to the hospital to become better, they send you when you’re sick, but what they don’t tell you is how you can feel in the process. You can sit lost and scared in the back of the car; you’re so confused as your mind begins to sway. The first night you’ve forgotten because it was all in a haze, the pain and hate that you feel for yourself manifest itself in darker thoughts than you’d like. You see blades in your mind, the belt you hid below your desk, you know how it feels it’s just one little slip, you could do it and never even know; but you knew as you sat in the back of the car, that you couldn’t turn back. It was the hardest you’ve ever done but for the past few months it’s become oh so hard to stay clear.

So as they load you in the bed they ask you several questions; your mind is spinning and half the time you can’t remember what they were, you try your best to answer but sometimes all you can think is “Am I doing the right thing?” “My friends need me why am I taking time for myself?” you hear someone’s voice in your head but you’re not sure who it is, you try to close your eyes and all you can hear is the radio at the nurses’ station. You want to the tear it out, but you know for some reason it’s like a message from someone, you can’t say who because you were sure they were gone. They sent you down this path, not in a bad way but by showing you that you were too much sometimes, and that you were scary, strong and a lot of the time you could be calm. You felt a toxicity growing in your chest, you knew if you didn’t get the help you wouldn’t be there for the rest.

So you sit there the first night, curled up in the corner of a chair, watching as they load some people in, you can’t speak; you can’t think it’s too loud you want to run. They give you something to sleep and lights out at ten, you can’t read because you didn’t bring a book, you don’t trust your room mate too much but that’s because of your past, he soon proves himself to be untrustworthy by pushing you to the floor so you lash out; and in that rage they almost send you further away. You feel like you can’t escape; like this is your fate. Everything smells so sterile you’re sure that’s what they’ll make you after a while. The next morning comes and the doctors ask more questions, you answer them truthfully a little shaky but understandably. You’re scared the place is so foreign; you watch as one of them wanders the hall talking to their self, you feel as if you can’t speak. There is no way you could be this wrong could you? You aren’t that sick at all are you? But in truth you are unsure of yourself, there have been times in the first night where you tried to figure out the way you could hurt yourself, you felt so lost and alone, everything was welling up inside you and you felt like a beast. Worst part is you can feel the voice crawl inside your head; it tells you, you are better off dead.

As one day turns into two, the way they are treating you makes you feel so much better, you realize now that it wasn’t you; you weren’t the person who came into the place. The place becomes bright you start to talk to the other patients, save for the ones that talk to themselves because you feel like you are intruding upon a conversation not yet yours. You eat regularly because they supply with the food and unlike what you’ve heard and even what you’ve envisioned, they are trying to help you to the best of their ability; so you begin to open up, hoping that there is luck. Yet you know deep inside, that there is that one chance you could back slide. You hold tight to your friends; even the one that you thought you lost, you know you have support. But it is so hard

This is a new road, a new leaf, a chance to show the world you aren’t the monster they wanted to create and for that you are thankful for your friends, new, old, lost and brought back again.