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Description
Made in reaction to what happened yesterday night. Believe me, I wouldn't just pull out emotional art for nothing. This kind of stuff speaks true to what I feel at my very core, and I bring that to life through my artwork when it's at its height.
I was having a little bit of a discussion with my mom outside my bedroom door, with a very light argumentative tone, not too hostile, but not exactly friendly. I had recently cleaned off my desk, AT LONG LAST, and made use of it so that I could use it for my computer usages, since I've been using my brother's desk for a while and he really wanted it back. I felt very, VERY accomplished with what I did with my desk, managing all the knick-knacky crap and still having enough space for everything else. But apparently, that didn't meet her expectations of me actually getting rid of some of my knick-knacky crap, an expectation she NEVER told me of ahead of time. Her having the nerve to say that after I put 2 fucking hours into that desk, you could well imagine, really pissed me off. Though I didn't show it much, as it was ultimately trivial. Anyways, she was arguing a little bit with my room condition, how keeping it "unkempt" could lead to me being "mentally unstable", all sorts of laughable shit. Seriously, I couldn't help but crack a smile and snicker when she said that. But then she had to push it farther, way TOO far, when she whispered to me, in a very condescending "I know what you're up to" kind of way, that she knows about the diapers I've been secretly using and throwing away. ... my God. She knows. And not only does she know... she's KNOWN. It's been a past-tense thing! And NOW she tells me?? I swear to God, I didn't throw away a used diaper since very late in the night of New Year's Day! And she's KNOWN?!! ... my God... She said she could smell them. And never bothered to tell me, it seems. Smell them?? I could've sworn, the smell'd die off under so much other garbage, and even die off hours after being used! Guess used diapers really do fester... and I've only wet, for that matter! And to think it couldn't get any worse than that... she had to hit me where it really, really hurts... she actually insulted me. She judged my diaper interest very, very harshly, yet still in that condescending whisper of hers... she said there, it was weird... disturbing... lots of emphasis on "disturbing". "Disturbing?" I asked her, with a hint of terribly hurt anger. She responded yes, and I shut the door right on her... and I went online... where my friends are. My truest, dearest, closest friends... who love me and accept me for who I am, no matter what.
Thing is, this isn't the first time either of my parents have found out about my diaper interest. I've been caught in the act quite a few times, and have had talks with both of them. My dad doesn't understand it, but at least he's trying to, asking me about it to try and get to the bottom of why I feel this way. Sometimes I'm a little hesitant or defensive, having the feeling that he's trying to "help" me get rid of the interest altogether, "for my best interest", he said once. But that's certainly not the case all the time, as he's trying to come to terms with it and understand it the best he can. My mom, on the other hand, very surprisingly, at that... and when I say very surprisingly, it means it shocks me, that she, supposedly the most open-minded and enlightened person in the house, next to myself... and she is, too, a lot of the time, like, about 90-95% of the time, she is exactly that, and a very nice person to know, but... she seems to have no toleration of it at all. First few times in, she's urged me to try and forget about it, that it's something I can move past. I can't just let go of it. It's not that easy. I've done lots and lots of mental counseling with myself, backing up new findings with lots of research on the psychology behind it. And I've found out that it's a part of me, something that definitively makes me who I am... something that makes me happy, a kind of happy that's unlike any other... and I'm never letting go of it. More recent times, she's harshly judged and insulted the interest with such piercing, scarring words such as "weird", "twisted", "warped", and more recently, "disturbing". The time she called it "warped", she hit me. Hard. Many times...
I'm not saying I'm living a troubled life or anything. If anything, my life is highly privileged, and some things I can't help but take for granted sometimes, but certainly not for long, as I truly am grateful for everything I'm privileged of having. My family's a semi-high income upper-middle-class one, not always in complete agreement but nowhere near dysfunctional, I go to a wonderful school, I'm getting fantastic grades (seriously, my 2nd quarter report card was all high 90's! ), we've got enough fancy gadgetry, those being the computers, the many TVs and DVR that comes with cable, my brother's multiple iPods and junk, the nice vacations we're able to take... yeah, it's a very good life I'm living. It's just the little things... maybe big things... that are troubling me. Maybe... haunting me. Possibly even... hurting me... but in the end, I know just who to turn to when reality's not doing so well for me. You guys. You all out there, on the big, wide, wonderful world of the internet... my closest, bestest friends... ^3^ ... thank you. Thank you all so, so, so much... for being there for me. :'3
And now for a little analysis of the artwork, as usual. As any artist of mind can tell, my supportive internet friends are illustrated in a soft blue in faces, whilst having smooth and calm lettering illustrating their speech, and the potential backlashing cruel wing of society, including the secret darker side of my own mother, the side that is completely intolerant and judgmental, maybe even hateful, of my diaper interest, is in a harsh red, with jagged lines, and impacting speech. Now, regarding the horrible haters surrounding the darker side of my mom, I can very gladly say that they are NOT a part of any kind of aspect of my real life. They just illustrate the kind of prejudicial hatred I'd receive if my diaper interest was made public, said hatred ranging from just plain mean and rude to straight-up homophobic, closed-minded and damaging to my self-esteem. Notice that many variations of the homophobic slur "faggot" is used, a word I hate to hear, regarding anyone at all, be it me or someone else, whether I know that someone else or not. I don't think there's any other word on the planet, in its current homophobic sense (it used to mean a measure of sticks for firewood, but has recently been distorted in meaning, and in a MUCH worse sense than the word "gay"), that's any more hurtful and damaging than that one. And considering how much of society can be very closed-minded, homophobic, neanderthalic assholes, that word would probably be used quite a bit regarding my diaper interest, if it were ever to be revealed. The other hateful words used are in judgmental regard to my interest, those judgments being completely misinformed and prejudicial. The dark side of my mom, illustrated as a looming silhouette figure in the same shape as the shadows of Tallests Red and Purple in the Invader Zim opening, is spewing the most prejudicial, close-minded, misinformed and judgmental slur of all else, intending to hit me in an area that really, truly hurts, one that mere insults can't penetrate on their own. But then, there's the supportive and loving speech of my online friends, which I shall credit right here, right now: , , and Sally Mullins (on facebook). Thank you all so very, very much for holding me close and comforting me. ^3^ I promise, if there's anyone I missed, just let me know, and I'll add you in. Thank you all again so very, very much... you mean so much to me... Oh, and one last thing before I stop typing in this ridiculously long description XDDD ... the earrings I have on in the pic? Yes, those are from real life. But they're both plastic, not real piercings. I'm not ready for real piercings yet, they might hurt... 3:
Made in Sketchbook Pro 2011. Hope you all enjoy, constructive feedback is always welcome!

Description
Made in reaction to what happened yesterday night. Believe me, I wouldn't just pull out emotional art for nothing. This kind of stuff speaks true to what I feel at my very core, and I bring that to life through my artwork when it's at its height.
I was having a little bit of a discussion with my mom outside my bedroom door, with a very light argumentative tone, not too hostile, but not exactly friendly. I had recently cleaned off my desk, AT LONG LAST, and made use of it so that I could use it for my computer usages, since I've been using my brother's desk for a while and he really wanted it back. I felt very, VERY accomplished with what I did with my desk, managing all the knick-knacky crap and still having enough space for everything else. But apparently, that didn't meet her expectations of me actually getting rid of some of my knick-knacky crap, an expectation she NEVER told me of ahead of time. Her having the nerve to say that after I put 2 fucking hours into that desk, you could well imagine, really pissed me off. Though I didn't show it much, as it was ultimately trivial. Anyways, she was arguing a little bit with my room condition, how keeping it "unkempt" could lead to me being "mentally unstable", all sorts of laughable shit. Seriously, I couldn't help but crack a smile and snicker when she said that. But then she had to push it farther, way TOO far, when she whispered to me, in a very condescending "I know what you're up to" kind of way, that she knows about the diapers I've been secretly using and throwing away. ... my God. She knows. And not only does she know... she's KNOWN. It's been a past-tense thing! And NOW she tells me?? I swear to God, I didn't throw away a used diaper since very late in the night of New Year's Day! And she's KNOWN?!! ... my God... She said she could smell them. And never bothered to tell me, it seems. Smell them?? I could've sworn, the smell'd die off under so much other garbage, and even die off hours after being used! Guess used diapers really do fester... and I've only wet, for that matter! And to think it couldn't get any worse than that... she had to hit me where it really, really hurts... she actually insulted me. She judged my diaper interest very, very harshly, yet still in that condescending whisper of hers... she said there, it was weird... disturbing... lots of emphasis on "disturbing". "Disturbing?" I asked her, with a hint of terribly hurt anger. She responded yes, and I shut the door right on her... and I went online... where my friends are. My truest, dearest, closest friends... who love me and accept me for who I am, no matter what.
Thing is, this isn't the first time either of my parents have found out about my diaper interest. I've been caught in the act quite a few times, and have had talks with both of them. My dad doesn't understand it, but at least he's trying to, asking me about it to try and get to the bottom of why I feel this way. Sometimes I'm a little hesitant or defensive, having the feeling that he's trying to "help" me get rid of the interest altogether, "for my best interest", he said once. But that's certainly not the case all the time, as he's trying to come to terms with it and understand it the best he can. My mom, on the other hand, very surprisingly, at that... and when I say very surprisingly, it means it shocks me, that she, supposedly the most open-minded and enlightened person in the house, next to myself... and she is, too, a lot of the time, like, about 90-95% of the time, she is exactly that, and a very nice person to know, but... she seems to have no toleration of it at all. First few times in, she's urged me to try and forget about it, that it's something I can move past. I can't just let go of it. It's not that easy. I've done lots and lots of mental counseling with myself, backing up new findings with lots of research on the psychology behind it. And I've found out that it's a part of me, something that definitively makes me who I am... something that makes me happy, a kind of happy that's unlike any other... and I'm never letting go of it. More recent times, she's harshly judged and insulted the interest with such piercing, scarring words such as "weird", "twisted", "warped", and more recently, "disturbing". The time she called it "warped", she hit me. Hard. Many times...
I'm not saying I'm living a troubled life or anything. If anything, my life is highly privileged, and some things I can't help but take for granted sometimes, but certainly not for long, as I truly am grateful for everything I'm privileged of having. My family's a semi-high income upper-middle-class one, not always in complete agreement but nowhere near dysfunctional, I go to a wonderful school, I'm getting fantastic grades (seriously, my 2nd quarter report card was all high 90's! ), we've got enough fancy gadgetry, those being the computers, the many TVs and DVR that comes with cable, my brother's multiple iPods and junk, the nice vacations we're able to take... yeah, it's a very good life I'm living. It's just the little things... maybe big things... that are troubling me. Maybe... haunting me. Possibly even... hurting me... but in the end, I know just who to turn to when reality's not doing so well for me. You guys. You all out there, on the big, wide, wonderful world of the internet... my closest, bestest friends... ^3^ ... thank you. Thank you all so, so, so much... for being there for me. :'3
And now for a little analysis of the artwork, as usual. As any artist of mind can tell, my supportive internet friends are illustrated in a soft blue in faces, whilst having smooth and calm lettering illustrating their speech, and the potential backlashing cruel wing of society, including the secret darker side of my own mother, the side that is completely intolerant and judgmental, maybe even hateful, of my diaper interest, is in a harsh red, with jagged lines, and impacting speech. Now, regarding the horrible haters surrounding the darker side of my mom, I can very gladly say that they are NOT a part of any kind of aspect of my real life. They just illustrate the kind of prejudicial hatred I'd receive if my diaper interest was made public, said hatred ranging from just plain mean and rude to straight-up homophobic, closed-minded and damaging to my self-esteem. Notice that many variations of the homophobic slur "faggot" is used, a word I hate to hear, regarding anyone at all, be it me or someone else, whether I know that someone else or not. I don't think there's any other word on the planet, in its current homophobic sense (it used to mean a measure of sticks for firewood, but has recently been distorted in meaning, and in a MUCH worse sense than the word "gay"), that's any more hurtful and damaging than that one. And considering how much of society can be very closed-minded, homophobic, neanderthalic assholes, that word would probably be used quite a bit regarding my diaper interest, if it were ever to be revealed. The other hateful words used are in judgmental regard to my interest, those judgments being completely misinformed and prejudicial. The dark side of my mom, illustrated as a looming silhouette figure in the same shape as the shadows of Tallests Red and Purple in the Invader Zim opening, is spewing the most prejudicial, close-minded, misinformed and judgmental slur of all else, intending to hit me in an area that really, truly hurts, one that mere insults can't penetrate on their own. But then, there's the supportive and loving speech of my online friends, which I shall credit right here, right now: , , and Sally Mullins (on facebook). Thank you all so very, very much for holding me close and comforting me. ^3^ I promise, if there's anyone I missed, just let me know, and I'll add you in. Thank you all again so very, very much... you mean so much to me... Oh, and one last thing before I stop typing in this ridiculously long description XDDD ... the earrings I have on in the pic? Yes, those are from real life. But they're both plastic, not real piercings. I'm not ready for real piercings yet, they might hurt... 3:
Made in Sketchbook Pro 2011. Hope you all enjoy, constructive feedback is always welcome!