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Damnit, I'm crying again.
Yes, it's because of you.
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you again, that I wouldn't let you ruin my life this time like you did wen you left. Yet somehow, you continue to find your way into my thoughts, whether I do something intentional to trigger it, or someone else mentions you. You're always here.
Do I want you here?
I tell myself no.
But the answer is really yes.
Only, I want you here with me, not just in my thoughts.
I don't want you to be just a memory anymore.
I want you to be in my arms.
I keep remembering the first time you took me in your arms...well...pinned me to the floor, acutally.
I was so happy then, so carefree.
You were the love of my life.
You tought me all I needed to know about love.
Before you, no one could make my heart race, my mind swirl, or butterflys hatch in my stomach.
But now you're gone.
But only, not really.
You're there. You must be.
You're answering machine says I have the right number.
I cry every time I hear it.
I wonder if you don't answer on purpose, or if my ttiming is just that horibble.
I think I still love you.
And it kills me. I know it's killing him.
Yes, him. The one I truely love now.
Or at least I want to so bad.
But you're still there, pleading with my memories not to love him.
But I do. But I don't. But I want to. But I can't.
There are chains that tie me to you, bondage I really don't care much about.
I read an e-mail that went between us a while back. Only you stopped replying. Why? I loved you more than anyone else could've. I thought you loved me too. I guess not.
I hope you're happy. Where ever you are.
I know I am, at least when I forget about you.
Cause once I think about you, I'm just sad because you're not here anymore.
Can you hear me this time?
Are you listening to me?
This is my last goodbye.