HOME | DD

Description

Richard and Rosaline are learning how to be better parents

(while Danni is in the hospital, recovering from the amputation)

DISCLAIMER: They did not mean to hurt their children (mainly Danni) INTENTIONALLY. Their parenting was a dangerous mix of several factors...

(1) How they handle stress

When the family was going through the rough patch, they sort of disengaged from Danni, only because they didn't have the mental/emotional bandwidth to deal with a 4-to-5-year-old. It made Danni feel like she couldn't come to her parents for help, and that they didn't care as much as they used to. (She wasn't aware of EVERYTHING, but she wasn't clueless either.)

Richard and Rosaline also had more (verbal) fights during the rough patch. They knew that they still loved each other, and they always made up in the end. Because of that, they weren't thinking of how it looked from Danni's perspective. (Being a child, Danni basically thought: "Mama and Papa are yelling again. I need to NOT make things worse.")

(2) Parenting based on fear

Richard was a straight-up menace in his early teen years due to his anger issues; bullying/fighting his classmates, and getting into drugs. (Literally the only reason he didn't wind up in a juvenile detention center is because his victims were too scared to speak out against him.) He also used to dress in alternative fashions; lots of punk and grunge.

Seeing Danni wearing alternative fashions and listening to heavy metal and rock music, he basically went: "Aw, HELL NO~!" and started cracking down HARD on Danni, to make sure she walked the Straight and Narrow Path. (Yes, he was one of THOSE parents.)

(3) Their reluctance to ask for help

In Rosaline's case; it's her toxic perfectionism. When Danni could have benefited from therapy, Rosaline dismissed the idea, because how it would reflect on her as a mother if she couldn't help her own child? (SHE had no problem going into therapy in her early 20's, because Lyric is a pretty awful mother.)

In Richard's case; he was raised by a single mother. (His father died before he was born.) So, he doesn't really know what fathers are SUPPOSED to do for their children. Deep down, he was comparing himself to fathers who look like they had their life together, and he didn't want to be That Guy to come out and admit that he's struggling.

(4) Slapping labels on their kids

In the royal family, Danni is the "Silly but Lovable Autistic Child."

Camille is the "Awkward, Troublesome but Sweet Cursed Child."

Tasha is the "Gifted and Talented, albeit Hard-headed Child, Whom We Are So Blessed To Have in Our Lives."

Tasha is most definitely on a pedestal compared to the others. (Subconsciously, Richard and Rosaline are still pretty traumatized by the fact she was born prematurely and they nearly lost her.) She's quicker to be praised and, if she breaks a rule, the worst she gets is a stern talking-to. It's much harder for Camille or Danni to be praised for anything, and if they break a rule, their punishments are more severe.

---

The notes mentioned in this piece are from the parenting book "No More Mean Girls," by Katie Hurley, LCSW.

Description

Richard and Rosaline are learning how to be better parents

(while Danni is in the hospital, recovering from the amputation)

DISCLAIMER: They did not mean to hurt their children (mainly Danni) INTENTIONALLY. Their parenting was a dangerous mix of several factors...

(1) How they handle stress

When the family was going through the rough patch, they sort of disengaged from Danni, only because they didn't have the mental/emotional bandwidth to deal with a 4-to-5-year-old. It made Danni feel like she couldn't come to her parents for help, and that they didn't care as much as they used to. (She wasn't aware of EVERYTHING, but she wasn't clueless either.)

Richard and Rosaline also had more (verbal) fights during the rough patch. They knew that they still loved each other, and they always made up in the end. Because of that, they weren't thinking of how it looked from Danni's perspective. (Being a child, Danni basically thought: "Mama and Papa are yelling again. I need to NOT make things worse.")

(2) Parenting based on fear

Richard was a straight-up menace in his early teen years due to his anger issues; bullying/fighting his classmates, and getting into drugs. (Literally the only reason he didn't wind up in a juvenile detention center is because his victims were too scared to speak out against him.) He also used to dress in alternative fashions; lots of punk and grunge.

Seeing Danni wearing alternative fashions and listening to heavy metal and rock music, he basically went: "Aw, HELL NO~!" and started cracking down HARD on Danni, to make sure she walked the Straight and Narrow Path. (Yes, he was one of THOSE parents.)

(3) Their reluctance to ask for help

In Rosaline's case; it's her toxic perfectionism. When Danni could have benefited from therapy, Rosaline dismissed the idea, because how it would reflect on her as a mother if she couldn't help her own child? (SHE had no problem going into therapy in her early 20's, because Lyric is a pretty awful mother.)

In Richard's case; he was raised by a single mother. (His father died before he was born.) So, he doesn't really know what fathers are SUPPOSED to do for their children. Deep down, he was comparing himself to fathers who look like they had their life together, and he didn't want to be That Guy to come out and admit that he's struggling.

(4) Slapping labels on their kids

In the royal family, Danni is the "Silly but Lovable Autistic Child."

Camille is the "Awkward, Troublesome but Sweet Cursed Child."

Tasha is the "Gifted and Talented, albeit Hard-headed Child, Whom We Are So Blessed To Have in Our Lives."

Tasha is most definitely on a pedestal compared to the others. (Subconsciously, Richard and Rosaline are still pretty traumatized by the fact she was born prematurely and they nearly lost her.) She's quicker to be praised and, if she breaks a rule, the worst she gets is a stern talking-to. It's much harder for Camille or Danni to be praised for anything, and if they break a rule, their punishments are more severe.

---

The notes mentioned in this piece are from the parenting book "No More Mean Girls," by Katie Hurley, LCSW.