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SilverLupine — hamlet
Published: 2008-09-30 23:43:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 534; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 5
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Description
a fossildead down deep
rib cage grave
rot.
sleepy, silver, silent
a misty mind
no thought.
merely functional
chew hope like cud
spit like gunshot.
soft soulsand to sift
brainbunnies to chase
or not.
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Comments: 20
I like it, especialy this verse: "soft soulsand to sift
brainbunnies to chase
or not."
The "or not" really defines the poem.
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I agree, the choppiness makes it seemingly flow, strange as that sounds.
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I enjoyed the flow of thoughts in this. Excellent work.
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I love your diction. And your words are so harmonious. A bit choppy for my liking, but each to his own
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thanks! I thought the choppiness added to the whole disjointed, aloof feel.
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this has bite:
chew hope like cud
spit like gunshot.
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It sounds great, and "brainbunnies" is the most awesomest word ever.
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You wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations). It is featured in a news article here: [link] and in our journal here: [link]
Keep writing and keep creating.
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thanks. I wasn't sure.
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