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Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him.

At the start of the year
I was proud of myself
This year, i said, I'd be better.
I was passing then,
scraping by
and then it ended.

I had fallen from the grace
that the summer sun had given
while the bitter winds of winter started
to take more and more of me.
I left, never went and that was
when they said finally,
"learn or leave."

So, this is when he comes in
my dear.
His eyes, his face, his love.
Where most saw a joker,
a gamer,
a loser,
I saw hope.
He helped me.
He saved me.
Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him.

His arms,
His hips,
His legs,
His hair
His smile,
His laugh

oh, my dear, how I needed him around,
like a physical craving within my soul.
I needed him.
then the wish became my command
and he fell to his knees in service.
I had him under my skin.
Oh did I have him and he had me.
Forgive me, my dear,
for I loved him that day.

The greatest of physical pleasures
my dear, he shared it with me.
Me of all people, he showed me his heart.
I know this boy
this man is not my other half,
the soul i was bound to meet,
my one true love
though love him I still do.
Always to you, my dear,
a half he will be.

Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him
while I started to slip.
I held onto him like a raft,
a light in the darkness.
I couldn't do what I needed,
I couldn't find the will.
Write a paper, they told me.
A debate, a powerpoint.
I started to fall behind
from 70's, to 60's
to 50's then to 40's.

This is where you come in, my dear.
The one who grew
under my heart.
My little one.
I wasn't prepared and how you filled me,
how you frightened me.
I wasn't ready for this, not yet.
I was unstable and
I did not need you.
Could you forgive me, my dear
for I loved him
and forgot to love you.

What's wrong, he asks.
This boy who helped make you.
I couldn't tell him.
His eyes lidded now with sadness
for the secrets on my tongue
that wished to be told, but
shouldn't
wouldn't and
couldn't be.

I hurt him that day
and his face
will forever be etched in my mind.
I wanted to shout, 'forgive me
but I cannot tell you.
I cannot burden you.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
So please, do not worry about me.'
I wanted to ask for forgiveness.
but I also wanted to save him,
and the two wouldn't go hand in hand.
Forgive me my dear
for I loved him,
I loved him too much to save you.
I love him too much to save myself.

I would have loved you more, my dear,
if i could have.
I got rid of you though.
I couldn't hurt him,
or support you.
I could barely keep myself above the water.
I was drowning.
I was failing.
I was dying.
Inside, you truly were.
I killed you, my dear.
Forgive me.

I will change for you.
so that your death will have not been in vain.
So that he can live
with peace in his mind,
this man who gave you life.
Forgive me, my dear that
I didn't do anymore to save you.
I'll live my life for you
the nameless child
that lived under my heart
I loved you but,
Forgive me my dear,
for I loved him more.

Description
Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him.

At the start of the year
I was proud of myself
This year, i said, I'd be better.
I was passing then,
scraping by
and then it ended.

I had fallen from the grace
that the summer sun had given
while the bitter winds of winter started
to take more and more of me.
I left, never went and that was
when they said finally,
"learn or leave."

So, this is when he comes in
my dear.
His eyes, his face, his love.
Where most saw a joker,
a gamer,
a loser,
I saw hope.
He helped me.
He saved me.
Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him.

His arms,
His hips,
His legs,
His hair
His smile,
His laugh

oh, my dear, how I needed him around,
like a physical craving within my soul.
I needed him.
then the wish became my command
and he fell to his knees in service.
I had him under my skin.
Oh did I have him and he had me.
Forgive me, my dear,
for I loved him that day.

The greatest of physical pleasures
my dear, he shared it with me.
Me of all people, he showed me his heart.
I know this boy
this man is not my other half,
the soul i was bound to meet,
my one true love
though love him I still do.
Always to you, my dear,
a half he will be.

Forgive me, my dear
for I loved him
while I started to slip.
I held onto him like a raft,
a light in the darkness.
I couldn't do what I needed,
I couldn't find the will.
Write a paper, they told me.
A debate, a powerpoint.
I started to fall behind
from 70's, to 60's
to 50's then to 40's.

This is where you come in, my dear.
The one who grew
under my heart.
My little one.
I wasn't prepared and how you filled me,
how you frightened me.
I wasn't ready for this, not yet.
I was unstable and
I did not need you.
Could you forgive me, my dear
for I loved him
and forgot to love you.

What's wrong, he asks.
This boy who helped make you.
I couldn't tell him.
His eyes lidded now with sadness
for the secrets on my tongue
that wished to be told, but
shouldn't
wouldn't and
couldn't be.

I hurt him that day
and his face
will forever be etched in my mind.
I wanted to shout, 'forgive me
but I cannot tell you.
I cannot burden you.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
So please, do not worry about me.'
I wanted to ask for forgiveness.
but I also wanted to save him,
and the two wouldn't go hand in hand.
Forgive me my dear
for I loved him,
I loved him too much to save you.
I love him too much to save myself.

I would have loved you more, my dear,
if i could have.
I got rid of you though.
I couldn't hurt him,
or support you.
I could barely keep myself above the water.
I was drowning.
I was failing.
I was dying.
Inside, you truly were.
I killed you, my dear.
Forgive me.

I will change for you.
so that your death will have not been in vain.
So that he can live
with peace in his mind,
this man who gave you life.
Forgive me, my dear that
I didn't do anymore to save you.
I'll live my life for you
the nameless child
that lived under my heart
I loved you but,
Forgive me my dear,
for I loved him more.