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Published: 2012-09-20 18:07:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 171; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 1
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I'll never forget the lesson you taught me.How could I? It's carved into me by the scars you left behind. I am branded as a victim, but I refuse to act the part. In the past you controlled me, but the past is just that. I trusted you to protect me, but in reality I needed protection from you. The first time you held that knife to my throat, laughing as if it were funny. When most teenage girls were hiding hickeys, I was covering knife marks and bruises.
In the same sentence you broke me down and told me you loved me. The word Love lost its true meaning, instead twisted into a hideous sound which always accompanied my pain. With every breath you stole my soul. I forgot who I used to be, now only a shell of a human being.
And no matter how far I run, no matter where I hide, the marks you left are still there. If I let in someone new, I know they'll find your brands. How do I explain my scars? Was that your plan when you put them there? No matter how many pieces of my heart are glued back together, every eye that catches sight of my scar is just another chip in the dam holding back the pain.
You taught me to come when called, speak only when spoken too, and never argue. But, I'm stubborn by nature and you told me I deserved each cut. On my back are the scars which spell your name, on my hip is the name you gave me, my chest tells the story of the ribs you fractured, and my neck whispers of the kisses from a knife. On my wrists are the faded memories of tape and rope, matching the ones on my ankles.
But, nothing visible hurts as much as what you did to my insides.
When I finally hit rock bottom, you pushed me even further. The words you screamed into my ear, "I'll kill you if you try to leave, then I'll follow you straight to hell.". You really thought we would go to the same afterlife? You really thought I had anything left to lose in death? You had taken everything, but you demanded more.
I remember smiling at you and looking you in the eye for the first time in years. "Go ahead, I know where I'll go. And you won't be allowed in there." My words came from my mouth, but I felt like someone else. I was free from the fear which held me down, released by the realization that I no longer had anything lose. I could only gain, either from my death or escaping your reign.
Did it make you feel like less of a man? When the tables were turned and you were the one shivering in fear? I knew then that you always a coward, only threatening when you were unopposed. But, when I've felt the pain of two years of abuse, who then can intimidate me now? I'm a survivor who walked through hell and came back out alive. Who are you? You are nothing but a faded phantom, alone and weaker than ever. And you cannot control me. My scars are my proof of victory over you and though I feel safer alone. At least I'm alone and not with you.
