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SinsofMidnight — Songbird
Published: 2011-09-22 13:54:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 132; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description Songbird:
9/9/2010

I sing alone,
my tree-top haven
my protection
from the cold world below.

Songbird:
I sing the song
you need to hear;
I touch your heart
but who touches me?

Songbird,
Songbird:
I have no song
my own.
Will anyone
be my songbird?

I sing songs
slow and sweet,
fast and happy,
but these aren't my songs.

Will I ever have
a song of my own?
Will I ever escape
my safe prison?

Sing a song for me:
save me
from my loneliness.

Songbirds
are social,
not solitary.
Why am I alone?

I'm
always
alone.
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Comments: 7

Phoneix-Faerie [2011-09-22 23:11:10 +0000 UTC]

This is a lovely piece, but perhaps it would work better as prose? (or at least as poetry without the line breaks)Its really a sweet and sad piece though

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SinsofMidnight In reply to Phoneix-Faerie [2011-09-23 15:41:19 +0000 UTC]

It's just in the original state of how I wrote it...
I'm not puttqing down the the idea, but how would it make it better? Just curious

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Phoneix-Faerie In reply to SinsofMidnight [2011-09-24 16:22:14 +0000 UTC]

Just at some points it feels like the line breaks have been put in for the sake of having line breaks:
Sing a song for me:
save me
from my loneliness.

Songbirds
are social,
not solitary.
That looks like it might work better as just sentences:
Sing a song for me: save me from my loneliness.

Songbirds are social, not solitary. Why am I alone?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SinsofMidnight In reply to Phoneix-Faerie [2011-09-24 16:44:05 +0000 UTC]

I have this thing with some of my poems where I want to block up how it flows at point... I do it when I want to make a point, like with the last stanza you mentioned...

I have no clue what goes on up in my head, sometimes, but I so love that stanza that way...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Phoneix-Faerie In reply to SinsofMidnight [2011-09-24 23:31:15 +0000 UTC]

ah okay, I see thats reasonable, I was just trying to explain how I felt It's good either way

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adarkworldfantasy [2011-09-22 23:05:46 +0000 UTC]

So beautiful dear

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SinsofMidnight In reply to adarkworldfantasy [2011-09-23 20:15:46 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0