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Description

||| cw: suicidal ideation

The day passed quietly. 2 was pleased to notice there were no setbacks with removing Infinity from Nicole and Brandon. He had held it for a good number of hours - even did a couple of lengthier scouting trips outside with it - and it all went smoothly. Maybe it was too early to celebrate, but so far all was good.

  Nicole didn't seem to share 2's positivity and was fidgety all day. She had been tense in general, no surprise there, but 2 had expected at least calming effect to come with being able to stay out of Infinity's range. However, the result seemed to be the opposite.

  In the late evening the cyborg decided to go to Nicole for a chat when she had gone to her bedroom to change her bed sheets. She usually stayed up late into the night so he knew she wasn't heading to bed just yet. 2 knocked on the side of the door frame and stepped in. The girl's blue eyes glanced at who was coming in just as she dropped a pile of old sheets into the laundry chute. There was nervousness in her expression.
   The cyborg stepped in as the door behind him closed.
"Hi. I see you haven't exactly opened up to the idea of talking with me."
   Nicole sighed. She started to unfold the new sheets and avoided eye contact.
>What's the point... There's nothing you can do about anything I would have to say.>
"Try me."
   2 took a chair by Nicole's writing desk and sat down.
"I was just wondering why you've been so tense today."
>I'm worried.>
"About what?"
>Everything? 1 is stars know where and he's wide open to attack that he doesn't even believe is coming. And he hates me even more now. 2, this could ALL be over at ANY moment. How am I supposed to not worry about that??>
"Regardless of what he thinks of you, I trust him. Besides, there's nothing we can do about my brother right now. It's not like you to catastrophize over something that's out of our control."
>As I said: There's nothing you can do about that...>
   She sighed again and went quiet, just focused on the sheets.

   2 tilted his head a little.
"What else is on your mind?"
   She scoffed.
>All the things, all the time.>
"Share some, would you."
>I... can't.>
"Why?"
>Stop asking that.>
"You've got to talk to me, Nicole."
>You keep saying that but it's SO hard! You're just... You're not the right one. It doesn't feel right...>
"Maybe so. But I'm all that's here."
   He knew she is used to sharing with Zero and not much anyone else.
"We really need you to start moving on."
   She seemed to feel a sting that Zero is being brought up. Her hands momentarily squeezed the fabric in her hands.
>It's not that simple! You guys have had 4 years to figure things out!>
"And you have had more than one."
>Well it's not enough! I can't do it! It's not so simple! It's like--like-->
"Like what?"
>It's like my mind is trying to use a limb that isn't there. My thoughts go nowhere, like they're waiting for an echo and all I get is silence!>
   Nicole leaned into her arms.
>What's the point? Of anything?? I feel like I'm just a half of me and the other half is gone. And it is! Isn't it?! It's GONE! For good!>
   Her voice was cracking. The girl's arms arms were shaking and she bit her teeth. What could 2 even say. Nicole finally talked, yet he had no response. She turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from the cyborg.
>Sometimes I wish you hadn't brought me back...>
"Don't say that!"
>I told you not to, and you only did it for your brother anyway. You have Infinity now too. So what am I still doing here?>
"Stop that!!"
   2 got up from the chair and circled around the bed, kneeling down to one knee in front of Nicole. The cyborg tried to make eye contact but the blue haired girl was holding her eyes closed tightly.
"I didn't save my resurrection all these years for you to say that! It's not just about the job. You're more than your work. People care about you, you know."
   Nicole grimaced.
>What does any of that matter if all that's left is watching those people die and the world fall apart?>
   She was hugging her chest with her arms and shutting down into her shell. 2 sat on Nicole's left side and she leaned away a little bit.
"I'm not going to force you into a hug."
   She stopped leaning. 2 offered his hand palm up, only slightly touching her leg. Nicole glanced down, opening her eyes slightly. She just looked at it for a brief moment before releasing her right hand and carefully placing it on the cyborg's one. 2 closed his fingers slowly, just gently holding the girl's delicate hand in his own. The fiery aura was glowing warmth.
"You're family. You don't have to be useful to matter. Let the world burn. We're gonna take care of each other, okay?"
   The blue haired girl started trembling and tried to conceal her shallow, hasty breaths. 2 turned slightly more to her direction and she almost leapt at him, burying her face in his chest while gripping his hand and tightly hugging her chest with her left arm. She started to cry despite clear effort to keep it contained.
"It's alright... I won't tell anyone."
>I miss him so much...>
   Nicole was sniveling, barely getting a good breath in. 2 slowly placed his hand on her head and gently stroked the girl's blue hair.
"I know."

  Some time later Nicole had calmed down and went to wash her face in the bathroom. As she came out wearing her pajamas, 2 was standing up.
"You should rest."
>Yeah...>
"Let me know if you need anything. Goodnight."
   2 started heading towards the door.
>Wait.>
   The cyborg turned back towards Nicole, who was stroking her arm and avoiding eye contact.
"What is it?"
>...Can you stay?> she asked quietly.
"Sure. Of course."
   Nicole crawled into bed, covering herself with the blanket. She removed the monitor from her wrist and placed it on the end table. 2 came next to the bed and looked a bit lost for a moment.
"Where do you want me?" he asked, scratching his head.
   The girl reached her hand from under the blanket. Didn't say anything or make eye contact, but the cyborg could tell what that meant. He sat down next to the bed and laid his hand on the mattress within Nicole's reach. The girl placed her hand in his.
>There is fine>, she said quietly, the edge of the blanket covering her mouth.
"I'll stay as long as you need me to."
   She nodded in response, closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

~

2.7.2023
Paint Tool SAI

This is a finished version of an old first draft from last October, which I talked about here: www.deviantart.com/skudde-ocs/…

It really did take me half a year to get over the pain of losing a scrapped early draft of a scene, wow. Like, I've been trying to channel energy into writing this all this time. So naturally the inspiration would hit me out of nowhere in the middle of taking a shower. But hey, at least it hit me.

Don't mind my writing quirks btw. I use " for dialogue of the PoV character and > for the dialogue of others, as long as there is a PoV character. My grammar is also a fucked up mix of Finnish and English, apologies. I could keep making excuses for a writing style that is the most natural to me, but honestly screw that. We do what we want around here.

Description

||| cw: suicidal ideation

The day passed quietly. 2 was pleased to notice there were no setbacks with removing Infinity from Nicole and Brandon. He had held it for a good number of hours - even did a couple of lengthier scouting trips outside with it - and it all went smoothly. Maybe it was too early to celebrate, but so far all was good.

  Nicole didn't seem to share 2's positivity and was fidgety all day. She had been tense in general, no surprise there, but 2 had expected at least calming effect to come with being able to stay out of Infinity's range. However, the result seemed to be the opposite.

  In the late evening the cyborg decided to go to Nicole for a chat when she had gone to her bedroom to change her bed sheets. She usually stayed up late into the night so he knew she wasn't heading to bed just yet. 2 knocked on the side of the door frame and stepped in. The girl's blue eyes glanced at who was coming in just as she dropped a pile of old sheets into the laundry chute. There was nervousness in her expression.
   The cyborg stepped in as the door behind him closed.
"Hi. I see you haven't exactly opened up to the idea of talking with me."
   Nicole sighed. She started to unfold the new sheets and avoided eye contact.
>What's the point... There's nothing you can do about anything I would have to say.>
"Try me."
   2 took a chair by Nicole's writing desk and sat down.
"I was just wondering why you've been so tense today."
>I'm worried.>
"About what?"
>Everything? 1 is stars know where and he's wide open to attack that he doesn't even believe is coming. And he hates me even more now. 2, this could ALL be over at ANY moment. How am I supposed to not worry about that??>
"Regardless of what he thinks of you, I trust him. Besides, there's nothing we can do about my brother right now. It's not like you to catastrophize over something that's out of our control."
>As I said: There's nothing you can do about that...>
   She sighed again and went quiet, just focused on the sheets.

   2 tilted his head a little.
"What else is on your mind?"
   She scoffed.
>All the things, all the time.>
"Share some, would you."
>I... can't.>
"Why?"
>Stop asking that.>
"You've got to talk to me, Nicole."
>You keep saying that but it's SO hard! You're just... You're not the right one. It doesn't feel right...>
"Maybe so. But I'm all that's here."
   He knew she is used to sharing with Zero and not much anyone else.
"We really need you to start moving on."
   She seemed to feel a sting that Zero is being brought up. Her hands momentarily squeezed the fabric in her hands.
>It's not that simple! You guys have had 4 years to figure things out!>
"And you have had more than one."
>Well it's not enough! I can't do it! It's not so simple! It's like--like-->
"Like what?"
>It's like my mind is trying to use a limb that isn't there. My thoughts go nowhere, like they're waiting for an echo and all I get is silence!>
   Nicole leaned into her arms.
>What's the point? Of anything?? I feel like I'm just a half of me and the other half is gone. And it is! Isn't it?! It's GONE! For good!>
   Her voice was cracking. The girl's arms arms were shaking and she bit her teeth. What could 2 even say. Nicole finally talked, yet he had no response. She turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from the cyborg.
>Sometimes I wish you hadn't brought me back...>
"Don't say that!"
>I told you not to, and you only did it for your brother anyway. You have Infinity now too. So what am I still doing here?>
"Stop that!!"
   2 got up from the chair and circled around the bed, kneeling down to one knee in front of Nicole. The cyborg tried to make eye contact but the blue haired girl was holding her eyes closed tightly.
"I didn't save my resurrection all these years for you to say that! It's not just about the job. You're more than your work. People care about you, you know."
   Nicole grimaced.
>What does any of that matter if all that's left is watching those people die and the world fall apart?>
   She was hugging her chest with her arms and shutting down into her shell. 2 sat on Nicole's left side and she leaned away a little bit.
"I'm not going to force you into a hug."
   She stopped leaning. 2 offered his hand palm up, only slightly touching her leg. Nicole glanced down, opening her eyes slightly. She just looked at it for a brief moment before releasing her right hand and carefully placing it on the cyborg's one. 2 closed his fingers slowly, just gently holding the girl's delicate hand in his own. The fiery aura was glowing warmth.
"You're family. You don't have to be useful to matter. Let the world burn. We're gonna take care of each other, okay?"
   The blue haired girl started trembling and tried to conceal her shallow, hasty breaths. 2 turned slightly more to her direction and she almost leapt at him, burying her face in his chest while gripping his hand and tightly hugging her chest with her left arm. She started to cry despite clear effort to keep it contained.
"It's alright... I won't tell anyone."
>I miss him so much...>
   Nicole was sniveling, barely getting a good breath in. 2 slowly placed his hand on her head and gently stroked the girl's blue hair.
"I know."

  Some time later Nicole had calmed down and went to wash her face in the bathroom. As she came out wearing her pajamas, 2 was standing up.
"You should rest."
>Yeah...>
"Let me know if you need anything. Goodnight."
   2 started heading towards the door.
>Wait.>
   The cyborg turned back towards Nicole, who was stroking her arm and avoiding eye contact.
"What is it?"
>...Can you stay?> she asked quietly.
"Sure. Of course."
   Nicole crawled into bed, covering herself with the blanket. She removed the monitor from her wrist and placed it on the end table. 2 came next to the bed and looked a bit lost for a moment.
"Where do you want me?" he asked, scratching his head.
   The girl reached her hand from under the blanket. Didn't say anything or make eye contact, but the cyborg could tell what that meant. He sat down next to the bed and laid his hand on the mattress within Nicole's reach. The girl placed her hand in his.
>There is fine>, she said quietly, the edge of the blanket covering her mouth.
"I'll stay as long as you need me to."
   She nodded in response, closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

~

2.7.2023
Paint Tool SAI

This is a finished version of an old first draft from last October, which I talked about here: www.deviantart.com/skudde-ocs/…

It really did take me half a year to get over the pain of losing a scrapped early draft of a scene, wow. Like, I've been trying to channel energy into writing this all this time. So naturally the inspiration would hit me out of nowhere in the middle of taking a shower. But hey, at least it hit me.

Don't mind my writing quirks btw. I use " for dialogue of the PoV character and > for the dialogue of others, as long as there is a PoV character. My grammar is also a fucked up mix of Finnish and English, apologies. I could keep making excuses for a writing style that is the most natural to me, but honestly screw that. We do what we want around here.