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smallfrie — Mutilatin Reality
Published: 2003-12-08 12:36:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 150; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 21
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Description MUTILATING REALITY


Runnung,
Screaming
and mutilating,

Will there ever be a cure?

Aching,
Pounding
and foresaking

Is this real? Im not sure.

Burning,
Bleeding
and receding,

I just dont feel secure

My only sure cure, my only way to feel secure.
Is by mutilating my reality
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smallfrie - Love? Ever-changing
Comments: 29

shirtsleeve [2004-01-20 18:16:47 +0000 UTC]

Interesting, I don't know what to say.

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Humana [2004-01-08 23:04:16 +0000 UTC]

awsome poem. your talented

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smallfrie In reply to Humana [2004-01-08 23:13:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I've never really been called talented, I will hopefully keep up the good work.(But only if you do the same)

I actually have new work up, if you would like to see it go to my gallery at . Once agian thankyou

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CochinChick [2004-01-07 08:07:54 +0000 UTC]

Nice wordpick, it speaks to me ^^

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smallfrie In reply to CochinChick [2004-01-07 17:35:57 +0000 UTC]

HAHAHA Im on a T1 connection

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Brytini [2004-01-06 18:48:41 +0000 UTC]

This is great. It would make such an awesome song too!

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smallfrie In reply to Brytini [2004-01-06 18:56:27 +0000 UTC]

Ive never conciderd that But I can play a wicked giutar so I try something tonight

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Brytini In reply to smallfrie [2004-01-06 18:58:49 +0000 UTC]

Haha. Kewl. I play the bass...

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smallfrie In reply to Brytini [2004-01-06 19:02:59 +0000 UTC]

for how long

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Brytini In reply to smallfrie [2004-01-06 19:05:01 +0000 UTC]

only two years...but w/e

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Randomchica [2003-12-22 17:57:52 +0000 UTC]

this is a nice poem, and since you wrote it in the 4th grade, whoa!!! great job!!! i like how its short and gets to the point. i love all the little phrases they add a certian depthness to the feeling you get from the poem.

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smallfrie In reply to Randomchica [2003-12-29 19:42:40 +0000 UTC]

thank you i will have three or four more up soon. and sorry for all these late comments

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Randomchica In reply to smallfrie [2003-12-30 00:30:19 +0000 UTC]

its all good sweetie

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daeira [2003-12-20 10:35:04 +0000 UTC]

It's a neat idea! And I can see where you are coming from..
but, I'm sorry, but I just can't like this poem.. I think it is
rather boring.

I think it needs some more background to it, and some details. Why are you running? Why are you screaming? etc. Explain a bit to the reader. Use adjectives to describe what's going on! It's seems abit short to me, like there's something lacking. I'm sitting here, thinking "Well, what was going on here? Other than random running?"

I do like your subtle rhymes though. They don't force their way onto the reader, and that's good. Cause good rhyming is really hard to do. I also liked this line:
My only sure cure, my only way to feel secure.
It had some neat rhythm and wordplay in it. It was fun actually!

All the unanswered questions also adds a nice touch to the poem. makes me feel sorta uneasy, and that's good, cause that's what you were going for. Keep it up!

Oh, and: Runnung, <--typo! Fix

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smallfrie In reply to daeira [2003-12-22 16:09:57 +0000 UTC]

Thanks I didnt see that typo I will fix that . On that "My only sure cure, my only way to feel secure" I was kinda scared about that one. I wasn't sure how it would sound to the reader. My biggest flaw that I can see in all of my poetry is that I can write a long poems to save my life. But I keep trying, just everytime I do I get about 3-4 stanzas and then I go blank.

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arcnes [2003-12-19 23:12:17 +0000 UTC]

I like it. The poem as a nice rythm to it.

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xXlokiXx [2003-12-18 04:19:04 +0000 UTC]

'tis good and emotional. i can really relate 2 it.

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ObscureA4 [2003-12-17 20:17:50 +0000 UTC]

Nice use of language, especially if you were in 4th grade. I some times try to write single-word-per-line poems, but i can never pull it off and still have it make sense. You did a good job.

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smallfrie In reply to ObscureA4 [2003-12-17 23:58:33 +0000 UTC]

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ObscureA4 In reply to smallfrie [2003-12-18 03:24:08 +0000 UTC]

eh why?

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uNdeadFX [2003-12-17 19:28:31 +0000 UTC]

Interesting poem, deep thought. Keep experimenting, i like this

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HateToLove [2003-12-10 13:16:35 +0000 UTC]

hmm if i wasnt at school i would probably ponder (haha ponder) the thought of mutilating reality.. nice peom good job

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Heidi-V-Art [2003-12-10 04:30:20 +0000 UTC]

Short but deep poem! Very nicely written!

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mikey1331 [2003-12-09 22:05:13 +0000 UTC]

this makes me really uneasy...but i like it!!! great job

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exl33t [2003-12-09 18:44:29 +0000 UTC]

its short. to the point. and a good poem. showing dark thoughts which i know i've had as well as many others. nice job

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smallfrie In reply to exl33t [2003-12-09 18:46:17 +0000 UTC]

thanks very much for the comments . They are really appreiceated

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kaelielyse [2003-12-09 18:32:58 +0000 UTC]

very nice.. and i luv poetry i've been writing poetry since elementary school also there are some spelling errors but other than that its good

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DomenLo [2003-12-09 18:32:56 +0000 UTC]

Great poem mate, I really like it.

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ace-goldstar [2003-12-08 16:47:15 +0000 UTC]

I really like this poem is really has some deepness to it I think.

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