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smallfrie — Stop These Tears
Published: 2003-11-17 23:14:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 86; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 10
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Description Why do I have these desires,
    coming from thoughts which I conspire.

Why do I have these feelings,
    no matter what I say as if I'm watching from the ceiling.

Why do I have these fears,
    never able to stop these tears.
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smallfrie - Love? Ever-changing
Comments: 15

AngelDelight [2004-01-09 00:08:29 +0000 UTC]

I love the way you've written this; simple, but very desciptive. It flows in such a lovely way.

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Randomchica [2003-12-22 18:00:56 +0000 UTC]

the last two lines hit me really hard, and i can relate so very much. this is short sweet and to the point, but wow does it leave an imprint on your heart, bc i personally can relate. great job

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smallfrie In reply to Randomchica [2003-12-29 19:41:24 +0000 UTC]

tkyu

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xXlokiXx [2003-12-18 04:14:58 +0000 UTC]

i like the last two lines

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NINTheFragile [2003-11-21 02:29:11 +0000 UTC]

i like this writting very much. but i think it would have been nicer if it was abit longer... but great work.. love the form you wrote this in... and the way everything is expressed

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Warmaster [2003-11-19 12:32:56 +0000 UTC]

Not a bad little poem, but I don't think "coming from thoughts which I conspire" sounds right though, if you mean that your thoughts are in a conspiracy against you and you can't control them. The meaning there is unclear to me. I liked your "watching from the ceiling" line. I think everyone knows that situation.

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smallfrie In reply to Warmaster [2003-11-19 16:54:33 +0000 UTC]

You hit it right on the nose "coming from thoughts which I conspire" means I dont know why i feel the way I do.

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treebee [2003-11-19 12:28:06 +0000 UTC]

lovely poem considering its so short
i think that is a good thing though
nicely put and great constructive rhyming

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smallfrie In reply to treebee [2003-11-19 16:55:14 +0000 UTC]

Hello Bubble Baby tkx for the comment

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treebee In reply to smallfrie [2003-11-19 17:21:00 +0000 UTC]

no probs

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mikey1331 [2003-11-18 03:39:53 +0000 UTC]

This is a very very very good poam! I love the way you condense so many feelings into so little lines, grea job

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smallfrie In reply to mikey1331 [2003-11-18 17:31:01 +0000 UTC]

yeah i dont like reading long poetry so i try to keep mine under 12 lines

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trinity3d3 [2003-11-18 02:05:26 +0000 UTC]

the first and last couplets are very nice, I like them alot...but the second one it seems as if you are "stretching" to make it rhyme...maybe you could try and reword it somehow so it flows into the thrid couplet a little better...or maybe even cut out the second couplet even better and work on it from there...I dunno, but I hope this was helpfull!
__

Why do I have these desires,
coming from thoughts which I conspire.

Why do I have these fears,
never able to stop these tears.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

smallfrie In reply to trinity3d3 [2003-11-18 17:32:08 +0000 UTC]

yeah i might have to cut the second line it never felt right anyways

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your-star [2003-11-18 00:08:00 +0000 UTC]

I could relate this to myself. Very good. I like this, especially the last two lines.

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