smalltimer In reply to Undesired-Insanity [2010-08-19 21:04:47 +0000 UTC]

glad you like it!

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smalltimer In reply to Ashley-Q [2010-04-05 21:45:35 +0000 UTC]

youse is the sweeetes!!

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smalltimer In reply to palaeochannel6 [2009-12-24 19:27:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you!!! i don't get too many favs, so much appreciated ^_^

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palaeochannel6 In reply to smalltimer [2009-12-25 12:56:48 +0000 UTC]

Sorry for all the grammar mistakes, I'm very tired. I hope you got what I mean >.<

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palaeochannel6 In reply to smalltimer [2009-12-25 12:55:32 +0000 UTC]

The first three stanzas are are perfect, the only criticism I could offer is there seems to be a change of tone in the last stanza. The rest is very impacting and poignant, and the fourth stanza is brilliant, but you say "we have our orders you know" gives it an almost informal tone. Is this because you wanted to personify to the leave, to more clearly draw the parallel between the leaf and a soldier?

I think saying it less of an informal narrative flair might benefit it. Something like:

"Fourth leaf: I am falling because
I am a soldier of autumn.
And we all have
Our orders"

It doesn't change the meaning, it is saying the same thing but with less informal language.

Cheers, very strong piece friend.

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smalltimer In reply to palaeochannel6 [2009-12-25 19:24:01 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for the critique!!

I was aiming for this effect in the last stanza. About the soldier-y people. The fatalists (or something. Interpret it for yourself!! ).

Once again, thanks!

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palaeochannel6 In reply to smalltimer [2009-12-25 23:36:56 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

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smalltimer In reply to TearsInTheMoonLight [2007-02-10 08:44:42 +0000 UTC]

umm. the leaf is not by me you should have figured that out as soon as you looked at it!! its too good a photograph for me read the author's comments for detail about the photographer.

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