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sofyan17 — This is
Published: 2011-04-06 19:17:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 224; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 3
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Description
For what could have beenFor perhaps, and ever after, and forever
Whisper of whispers stuck on a roof of skin
A song the heart daintily mutters
For what the bones hum along
For the reasonable lovers
Sailing on vein-thin vessels
Out on the growing-up adventure
This is True Love, now swan-style dying
And violence mourns on Harlequin's shore
The X-rayed souls were group mailed today
And Her embrace…a perfume turned sour
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Comments: 3
Maybe it's just me, but I don't see how it's about what you said it is. Your language and imagery in and of itself is pretty decent, but I feel like it just kind of obscures the message, especially in the beginning. I guess get some more opinions aside from mine to see if it's just me, but if it's not, then it might be time to do like Faulkner says "and kill your darlings" not be such a writer's writer, ya know? Just a thought.
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yeah, yeah you're absolutely right. I'm sorry there was a lot more to this but I tried to cut out the loose word and I guess I ended up cutting to much of it. I'd edit it, And when I'm finished, would you mind taking a look again.
Thank you so much for helping
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I absolutely wouldn't mind. Just remind me when you get a new edition out.
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