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Description
Never in the short history of Man has a device more terrible, more evil, more despicable been created, by human hands or otherwise, than the computer. A machine forged in the fires of malice, tempered by hatred, welded with despair, and packaged in shoddy materials, computers have wrought nothing but fear and frustration for those foolish enough to purchase them. This instrument of Satan can serve no greater purpose than to give it's "owners" (who, in truth, are shackled to the very thing which they hath bought) misery, pain, and a slow, agonizing death; self-induced trauma to the head, through the aid of a nearby table or wall. Thus you see! Free yourself from the reign of virtual evil, quickly! Heed my words well, before you, too, succumb to the tyrannical whims of your precious mechanical pet!

My internet was dead for the last three days, for no reason at all. In fact, it just fixed itself a few minutes ago as of this writing. I hate computers so much. I just know it's going to die again sometime soon.

Ok, onto the picture before I have an aneurysm. I remember reading a while ago about how the title screen on Wolfenstein 3D was an homage to a poster for The Great Escape. Well, I started this, thinking I would make my own parody of the Great Escape picture, and I went looking for some reference. Lo and behold, that whole story doesn't exist anymore! I know I have a bad memory, but I'm sure I didn't make up something like that. Of course, it's my word against the entire internet, and since there's NO evidence of that Wolfenstein/Great Escape thing anywhere, I'm starting to doubt myself. Of course, it was really hard to fit Metroid in The Great Escape for the title, so that part worked out well.

Nothing is good, bitch, bitch, bitch. I still have no idea how Space Pirates look, and the only pictures I could find were of the Prime pirates, so I tried to go off of the tiny sprites in Super Metroid. I'll let you decide how I did in that respect. The wall looks really really bad, but I don't care because I set a new land speed record when I made it. Bricks suck. Sorry, but unless you have some kind of fetish for building materials, I don't want to hear about how bad the bricks are. Actually, I don't really want to hear about your fetishes, either.

Description
Never in the short history of Man has a device more terrible, more evil, more despicable been created, by human hands or otherwise, than the computer. A machine forged in the fires of malice, tempered by hatred, welded with despair, and packaged in shoddy materials, computers have wrought nothing but fear and frustration for those foolish enough to purchase them. This instrument of Satan can serve no greater purpose than to give it's "owners" (who, in truth, are shackled to the very thing which they hath bought) misery, pain, and a slow, agonizing death; self-induced trauma to the head, through the aid of a nearby table or wall. Thus you see! Free yourself from the reign of virtual evil, quickly! Heed my words well, before you, too, succumb to the tyrannical whims of your precious mechanical pet!

My internet was dead for the last three days, for no reason at all. In fact, it just fixed itself a few minutes ago as of this writing. I hate computers so much. I just know it's going to die again sometime soon.

Ok, onto the picture before I have an aneurysm. I remember reading a while ago about how the title screen on Wolfenstein 3D was an homage to a poster for The Great Escape. Well, I started this, thinking I would make my own parody of the Great Escape picture, and I went looking for some reference. Lo and behold, that whole story doesn't exist anymore! I know I have a bad memory, but I'm sure I didn't make up something like that. Of course, it's my word against the entire internet, and since there's NO evidence of that Wolfenstein/Great Escape thing anywhere, I'm starting to doubt myself. Of course, it was really hard to fit Metroid in The Great Escape for the title, so that part worked out well.

Nothing is good, bitch, bitch, bitch. I still have no idea how Space Pirates look, and the only pictures I could find were of the Prime pirates, so I tried to go off of the tiny sprites in Super Metroid. I'll let you decide how I did in that respect. The wall looks really really bad, but I don't care because I set a new land speed record when I made it. Bricks suck. Sorry, but unless you have some kind of fetish for building materials, I don't want to hear about how bad the bricks are. Actually, I don't really want to hear about your fetishes, either.