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Tinselfire [2019-07-30 23:51:13 +0000 UTC]

When I first saw the thumbnail, I knew this piece was something long awaited. I am not certain how widespread the sentiment is among writers, but feel writing historical characters, a generation or more removed, has a very calming influence. It gives a buffer against the temptation to treat characters too kindly, or conversely too harshly to avoid the same. After all, everything has already happened so to speak.

I really like the idea that though the specifics of his historicity may have become obscure to people in the region he called home, some artifact of Heinrich is subject of local legend; akin to the Wallace Sword, if with a much clearer line of descent - and certainly more original material left. Like for many of its kind, it looks like the shrine has been "discovered" by several generations throughout the years, each adding a little of their own touch. The brass plaque gives a sense of 19th century romanticism; the family colours on the cover and the thin streamers the impression of post-war arts and crafts revival; and the chrome shield and red velvet a 90's and early 2000nds popular idea of contemporary elegance and medieval splendour. It also provides a fair bit of clues for an educated guess about the location - it would seem, if the geography is similar to our world, that Barstadt is somewhere in Southwest Germany. Perhaps in the same area as the actual Bärstadt?
Knowing her ancestry, one is tempted to speculate on Samantha's descent as well. It would seem she is descended through a daughter as she has inherited most of Gele's coat, which their (thus far) only seen son did not. Also find it a nice touch that - displaying canine genetic solubility at its finest - she is quite stout and rough around the edges compared to her lean and regal ancestors, reflecting some of the surprises amateur genealogists tend to run into. Fortunately Samantha seems a lot better equipped to face them than some are - she may have the blood of Heinrich and Gele in her veins, but she harbours no illusions of being either of them.

The composition was full of surprises. At first glance it is neatly classical with the eyes around the horizon and vertical thirds, but looking at the vectors was impressed to see just how centralized it is. Whether followed towards the vertical or horizontal midpoint, very nearly all of the shapes lead in some way towards the sword. From large shapes like the outlines of the arms and shoulders, to tiny details like Tess' wild hair and the candles having the bulges on the outside. Perhaps not intentional, but find it better described as "subconscious" rather than "coincidental", as the one major exception is Samantha's tail: Have heard a highly accomplished artist observe that curled or plumed tails are particularly difficult fitting into compositions.
The curve of the tail does however create a nice line to the sword through the torso and up the proper right arm. The proper right elbow sits very low, though. On average the fingertips reach mid-thigh when the arm is fully extended.

The centralized composition also draws attention to problems with the perspective, however. The perspective lines of the level surfaces do not converge, making the floor and altar seem tilted when viewed from a distance. It also gives the impression of the alcove being deeper than the wall it is set in when compared to the windows, although since the scene is set in a room around the top of the donjon that could be an architectural peculiarity; there is no telling how the wall looks from the outside.

Your descriptions are always a treat to read, but on this occasion especially so, being a full chapter. There are some proofreading points like tempus issues, missing words and formatting, but none of these affect the impression of the story itself: Well paced, balanced, and with believable character interaction. There is a good impression of two friends on a journey many would consider off the beaten road, but there in plain sight if one knows where to look... and some experiences which probably ring familiar to most who have given historical tourism a try, especially how finding accommodation and learning how seriously the people managing historical sites have taken their stewardship can be adventures in themselves.

One point of advice I have often heard on writing descriptions is to use the senses to describe the experiences of the characters. From an anthro worldbuilding perspective, it works well how you have used a lot of references to light and scent, with Samantha being a dog and both of them being species with remarkable night vision.

Found it an especially nice touch of believability how Tess, being the one with military experience, turns out to be quite ignorant of (and at this point in the story seemingly even disinterested in) medieval military technology. In fictional groups, in the absence of the "scholar" (which, judging from Tess' remarks, it seems clear Samantha is usually not considered) the "warrior" is often stereotyped as being immensely knowledgeable on all things related to death and destruction imaginable. Of course, in reality most soldiers are just trained on the weapons systems currently most relevant to their branch. Assuming one to know or care for the details of medieval siege warfare is sort of like assuming a powerdrill operator to be intimately familiar with the secrets of pyramid construction. No such assumptions here.
That, and a humorous detail how when Tess spaces out and doesn't catch what a parapet is, she thinks about birds.

Please forgive how this comment turned into a bit of a tome. Have returned to the picture and story a few times a day since I first saw them, and spotted something new each time.

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Andibi [2019-07-24 02:37:57 +0000 UTC]

Looks great!  I've been to a few of those very old European towns and this definitely recalls the experience:  the tourists, the summer festivals, and the ancient buildings and monuments that are still a part of everyday life.  One time I visited the Castle of Chillon, where they just let you wander around inside.  You could sit in the windows and watch the steamers pass by on Lake Geneva.  There were a lot of medieval things within easy reach, or so I recall.  The one I remember was this amazingly ornate lockbox, which looked like you could drop it out of an airplane without any damage. 

Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot -- The characters are likable and I'm curious where the story is going to go -- Nice to see Tess here -- Will this be a cameo or does she play a more important role??

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Cambion-Hunter [2019-07-24 02:06:31 +0000 UTC]

This is off to a good start. Nice description work done here.

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Fail-Seeker [2019-07-24 01:24:26 +0000 UTC]

Fantasytic!

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