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Description
Skip below to the pictures if you wanna avoid me talking about my life lmao

TL;DR: I was depressed and suicidal and skating saved my life and now I'm happier than I've ever been and I'm happy with where my art has gone :3

Wow
This year
2017 was the craziest year of my life

In the first four months, my depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation were at their worst. Even worse than 2015. I never thought it could be worse than that hell, but I can pinpoint the 15 days of this year when I wasn't a person. I had a human body yes, but there was nothing left of me inside that body. I was nothing but a bleeding sack of blood full of anxiety static, preserved only by the coldness of depression. I was disintigrating.

In late April, my friend forced me to spend a day at her house and introduced me to Yuri On Ice, which acted like a tiny flame to my frozen soul. Somehow, it slowly melted me back into existence. I noticed it when I binged the whole season over a weekend, and then that monday back at school, I couldn't stop smiling about the show. The whole day, I was in a good mood, simply from fangirling over the show. I hadn't smiled in probably 3-4 weeks, and here I was smiling and giggling and breathing and living again. The next day was the same. I was so ridiculously happy and fangirly because of this show, during 4th hour that day at school (I remember it with extreme clarity), I realized I couldn't feel my depression. Not at all. I had been shocked back into my own body so hard that the depression had been forced down so thoroughly that it was as if it was never even there. I felt human. I felt something I hadn't felt in 4 years: healthy.

After that, my obsession with YOI turned into an obsession with figure skating. I realized I wanted to start skating, and when I realized that, everything in my life seemed like it had fit into place perfectly. Skating was everything I could think of. I realized how perfect it was for me: it's artistic, it's athletic, it involves music, it involves the cold and winter, it's a sport I can practice year round and individually, it involves great speed, and it gives a sense of flying that I've been yearning for all my life. I've always thought that if I could be any animal, I would want to be a bird so I could fly. And skating is the closest thing to that feeling.

Soon enough, in June, I was taking lessons. In August, I was skating well enough to skip a whole level. In October, I got my own skates. In December, I graduated from the 4th level of basics already, and in January I'm on to level 5, then 6, and then after that it's private coaching already. Not even one year after I began skating (and I mean that, the first time I ever stepped on ice) and I'll already have a private coach. That's mind blowing to me.

Right now, I am in a healthier state of mind than I probably have since I was, like, 7. I still have depression and anxiety, and sometimes I get pretty bad, but the difference is my mind doesn't consume itself now. I had depression, but my depression doesn't have me. I have panic attacks, but my attacks do not have me. I become stronger and healthier every day, and I'm maturing and growing as a person and I'm becoming more of myself. I've accepted parts of myself I thought I would always hate. I've repaired relationships and strengthened weak ones and reinforced strong ones and made new ones entirely. I was accepted into my dream college. I'm keeping my grades up (except math lmao but I'll never be good at math, and that's okay). I'm exploring new things in art and being satisfied with the outcomes. I've stopped being a poison to myself. I really can love myself now. And in loving myself, I find I can love others in a much healthier way.

I'm really glad I made it to the end of this year...because this year turned out to be the best of my life. I don't want to imagine having to miss all the wonderful stuff that's happened this year.

--------------------------------------------

Okay now that's the end of all the depressing stuff lol, here's the individual pictures
Also I didn't have anything for the month of September, so I used one from October, but then I didn't have anything else for October, so I used 2 from November lol. Everything else is correct

January:
sta.sh/0i3u5dde48r

February:
sta.sh/0n522sajc5j

March:
fav.me/db1vq63

April:
fav.me/db6v35a

May:
fav.me/db8hudj

June:
fav.me/dbe1gbw

July:
sta.sh/0290ki4aiigp

August:
fav.me/dbklup7

September:
fav.me/dbpy5v6

October:
fav.me/dbun7kl

November:
fav.me/dbuvjid

December:
fav.me/dbxwz4u

Description
Skip below to the pictures if you wanna avoid me talking about my life lmao

TL;DR: I was depressed and suicidal and skating saved my life and now I'm happier than I've ever been and I'm happy with where my art has gone :3

Wow
This year
2017 was the craziest year of my life

In the first four months, my depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation were at their worst. Even worse than 2015. I never thought it could be worse than that hell, but I can pinpoint the 15 days of this year when I wasn't a person. I had a human body yes, but there was nothing left of me inside that body. I was nothing but a bleeding sack of blood full of anxiety static, preserved only by the coldness of depression. I was disintigrating.

In late April, my friend forced me to spend a day at her house and introduced me to Yuri On Ice, which acted like a tiny flame to my frozen soul. Somehow, it slowly melted me back into existence. I noticed it when I binged the whole season over a weekend, and then that monday back at school, I couldn't stop smiling about the show. The whole day, I was in a good mood, simply from fangirling over the show. I hadn't smiled in probably 3-4 weeks, and here I was smiling and giggling and breathing and living again. The next day was the same. I was so ridiculously happy and fangirly because of this show, during 4th hour that day at school (I remember it with extreme clarity), I realized I couldn't feel my depression. Not at all. I had been shocked back into my own body so hard that the depression had been forced down so thoroughly that it was as if it was never even there. I felt human. I felt something I hadn't felt in 4 years: healthy.

After that, my obsession with YOI turned into an obsession with figure skating. I realized I wanted to start skating, and when I realized that, everything in my life seemed like it had fit into place perfectly. Skating was everything I could think of. I realized how perfect it was for me: it's artistic, it's athletic, it involves music, it involves the cold and winter, it's a sport I can practice year round and individually, it involves great speed, and it gives a sense of flying that I've been yearning for all my life. I've always thought that if I could be any animal, I would want to be a bird so I could fly. And skating is the closest thing to that feeling.

Soon enough, in June, I was taking lessons. In August, I was skating well enough to skip a whole level. In October, I got my own skates. In December, I graduated from the 4th level of basics already, and in January I'm on to level 5, then 6, and then after that it's private coaching already. Not even one year after I began skating (and I mean that, the first time I ever stepped on ice) and I'll already have a private coach. That's mind blowing to me.

Right now, I am in a healthier state of mind than I probably have since I was, like, 7. I still have depression and anxiety, and sometimes I get pretty bad, but the difference is my mind doesn't consume itself now. I had depression, but my depression doesn't have me. I have panic attacks, but my attacks do not have me. I become stronger and healthier every day, and I'm maturing and growing as a person and I'm becoming more of myself. I've accepted parts of myself I thought I would always hate. I've repaired relationships and strengthened weak ones and reinforced strong ones and made new ones entirely. I was accepted into my dream college. I'm keeping my grades up (except math lmao but I'll never be good at math, and that's okay). I'm exploring new things in art and being satisfied with the outcomes. I've stopped being a poison to myself. I really can love myself now. And in loving myself, I find I can love others in a much healthier way.

I'm really glad I made it to the end of this year...because this year turned out to be the best of my life. I don't want to imagine having to miss all the wonderful stuff that's happened this year.

--------------------------------------------

Okay now that's the end of all the depressing stuff lol, here's the individual pictures
Also I didn't have anything for the month of September, so I used one from October, but then I didn't have anything else for October, so I used 2 from November lol. Everything else is correct

January:
sta.sh/0i3u5dde48r

February:
sta.sh/0n522sajc5j

March:
fav.me/db1vq63

April:
fav.me/db6v35a

May:
fav.me/db8hudj

June:
fav.me/dbe1gbw

July:
sta.sh/0290ki4aiigp

August:
fav.me/dbklup7

September:
fav.me/dbpy5v6

October:
fav.me/dbun7kl

November:
fav.me/dbuvjid

December:
fav.me/dbxwz4u