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i pull the razor out of its paper wrapper, and as i examine the edge i start to think of my days currently. i live with a parent who really doesnt need me around, i have debts i cannot pay, no work, and a social life that borders massochistic. really, this blade would be far more usefull paring away the parts of me that make me susceptable to these kinds of problems.
i load the blade in its holder, and twist it closed. then a feeling washes over me. an odd feling of peace. i finally realize that without this pain, i am nothing. that if i dont make my self suffer, i will forever be no one, not even to myself.
i drag the blade slowly, marvelling at its caress. it cuts the unnessasary away, leaving only my desires. at this i think of what i lost over the last two weeks. my garden is a place of worry now, for only my lily remains. for how long, i don't know. my blackthorn is still there, but it stabs me to the point i can no longer look at it with out pain. my other flower is long gone, it just disappeared from my life one day. i think it was a pansy, but i have no clue anymore.
as i wash up, i am slowly starting to realize who i am. a queston many take for granted. i saw the pain in my eyes, a pain many mistake for anger or hatred. i realize i am different from these people i see going about there lives, not even knowing their own pain. i sit on my bed, and my wolf licks my now clean face, his tongue rubbing my neetly groomed beard. this is what makes me happy, this wolf and a half-wolf sleeping by the computer desk.
i am content with that.