missmissa07 [2010-11-05 04:26:25 +0000 UTC]

This poem has a lot of cool motion and rhythm going along through it that, I think, works extremely well. I actually am pretty sure I've been in the same situation before, so having it vocalized in a poem is pretty sweet to read. My only suggestion would be to perhaps expand on the idea of "my escape," just simply because the poem seems to be taking more about being trapped (in the second stanza you mention that your heart is falling, but it is thrown back to your gut-implying that it is trapped inside your body), and the rhythm itself seems to suggest a trap (although I absolutely adore the rhythm, so please don't change it!). So it might be cool for you to lead up into how you actually are escaping, when clearly the person addressed in the poem is preventing you from doing so, since you ache for him so much.

/end long post

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