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speakyourmind — Project!
Published: 2012-09-06 03:58:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 251; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 4
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Description
I sit and I watchas the shadows walk home
and wonder what it'd feel like
to be less alone.
They walk in their pairs
their triplets
together.
Then up at the stars
they look down at me
and whisper their secrets:
"Together's not free."
It comes with its price,
like you do to me.
But I'll take our silence
though I gather their sounds.
In it I hear my heart as it pounds.
It pulls to the south
where I see a brighter star
which overtakes others
as if it's not quite as far.
And it's then that I realize
as I hold myself chest to knees,
That star points to home,
where you're waiting for me.
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Comments: 3
Creeping on your DA account, this is still great. The first 5 sections still sting. I understand it now, and I love it.
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Is draft two expected to reach completion within a year? Looks like you still have a couple weeks, if so.
If it weren't obvious, I just got around to catching up on a lot of watch notifications.
Anyways, the first stanza is golden, and I think it sets the tone for the rest of the poem very well.
>It comes with its price,
>like you do to me.
It almost stings to read this - and that's very good
I think the ending, or the transition to it, may need to be fleshed out.
And while I'm not totally sure I understand it, it sounds like some sort of ambivalence towards being alone/free? If I'm understanding the premise correctly, I really like it, and wish I'd seen it sooner.
Good luck going forward if you choose to come back to it.
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Thanks 
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