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Spinewinder — Lost
Published: 2010-02-28 00:46:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 1309; Favourites: 26; Downloads: 0
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Description
I posted this in my journal a while back, figured id post it as a proper deviation.Related content
Comments: 45
By the way, ShyCrow nominated you in the 'Best Underappreciated Literature' thread. 
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Thats awesome and so is *ShyCrow 
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Of course.
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Very awesome poem, but the lack of commas kind of pissed me off. Punctuation really helps the reader know where to pause. Luckily for you, you wrote a poem that was easy to figure the rhythm of.
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Hey, glad you like my work. Im sorry if the lack of commas pissed you off, but really I dont think the lack of them confuses in any way. But I do understand that to some people it might be an issue so point taken
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Pissed off was a strong way to put it....I just didn't feel like putting it another way though. XD And yeah, in poetry, punctuation is what gives hints as where to stop and what not, commas show pauses or emphasis. It's quite important on poetry, possibly more so than an essay.
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well yeah I understand that, but really in that poem I think the line breaks are enough, due to the short nature of each line, but I do understand where you are coming from
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Well in poetry, you're supposed to pause and stop at punctuation, not at line breaks. However, you are right. It works with your poem.
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yeah I know, must be my inner rebel, down with punctuation!!!! Im going after spelling next
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XD You'll kill one English teacher with your actions as you go. XD
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a very great piece, I love the rhythm in this and the emotions
wonderful
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:S thank you, so glad you like it
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You are talking about deep shizz here... Also, this is kind of depressing but, I LIKE IT!
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Yeah depressing is what I do best, never been able to do sugar coated happy work. Glad you liked it
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The only things I would do differently is put a comma in the first line between 'distance' and 'a'. I think placing a pause in there would make everything run a little smoother in my head especially because you end the stanza with a comma'd line as well.
The second thing is a I would put a space after that comma in the last line of the first stanza. Its one of my main pet peeves because it's such a simple step that makes things look much cleaner in the end.
This is a pretty solid poem. Your imagery is pretty cool and the meaning is pretty great. The general structure of the poem goes very well with the subject matter, which is something that really strikes me as a traditional poem topic. Its nice. Your rhyming is solid.
I dunno, I guess I don't have much to say about this piece. I'm not blown away but there's nothing wrong with it.
except this. You describe that feeling of a monotonous meaningless life very well. Its something I relate to being an atheist, but something about that fact I really enjoy; that we are all just going about our business and will one day just die.
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Hey, thanks again for the detailed reply, appreciate it.
Thanks for pointing out the grammar your right on both counts, never was my strong point.
Im glad you like it. I guess ill have to work a little harder to blow you away lol
I too am an Atheist so kinda share your views there
Thanks again
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hey, your welcome. I'm glad I could be of some help.
just keep writing, and ultimately, it doesn't matter if i'm blown away or not. It matters how happy you are with your pieces but i'm sure you realize that.
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hey! Im stunned! The last two paragraphs were so realistic and so deep and the last line, wow!
I really love it!!
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well yes it is very well deserved!
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This piece has been featured in a special edition news article [link] as well as our group blog. Thanks for being a part of the family
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Hey, thanks appreciate it, have faved the news
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Thanks and You are very welcome
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Love this Poem, read it your journal and yes it is a nice deviation that really belongs here.
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Cheers mate, I seem to do misery well lol
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I read it in your journal and I am glad you decided to post it here. It is awesome!! I really like it alot! Very moving!!
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Multifaceted artists. Gotta love 'em. Can I post this at da-morgue in the favs. I think its really good?
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lol, jack of all trades master of none
Of course you can post in the Morgue , im honoured you like it enough to want to, cheers for the kind words mate
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