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Published: 2014-07-04 16:30:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 4926; Favourites: 54; Downloads: 0
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There was the sound of an explosion. Followed by another. And another, until there were so many in succession that any other sound would be hard-pressed to be heard.
It was a good thing, then, that M’s phone was set to vibrate, and currently in his back pocket. He put it to his ear and answered without even looking to see who the caller was. He continued to focus on the onscreen destruction he had been in the midst of causing. “This is M,” he answered, with a slightly disconnected voice.
“Hey, uh, M. This is Billy.”
M hit the pause button and set the controller down. Who?
“I don’t, like, know if you remember me, man, you probably don’t. But like… I was wondering if you could help me out? See, I’ve got this, um...well, I mean, it’s pretty much... uhh. So I can’t live at home right now, not after I promised my mom I’d move out and try to make something of my life. I’ve been trying really hard, so I didn’t wanna disappoint. But a place of my own is outta the question, because money is kinda tight… Anyway I thought about calling around, y’know, lookin for a roommate and stuff. But at the same time, I didn’t wanna bother my friends, they’ve been doin their own thing and all that. I haven’t actually called them yet, but, well I guess I could try if it came to that, but there’s a lot, like… I dunno. Then there’s Gale. I talked to him, to see if he knew anybody, and his friend, the girly one, your buddy... Zephyr? He-- uh. He told me to talk to you. So he gave me your number and address but I just wanted to call first. Since he told me to go to you, I dunno if that means you’re not busy, or like you got a place, or I mean like what…”
“Wait. So, what exactly is it that you need help with?”
“Whoa! Haha, hey, didn’t know you were there. I thought I was leavin a message. Sorry, that scared me just now. I’ve been kinda out of it lately.”
M could hear the long draw of oxygen Billy must have just taken, as if he’d forgotten that breathing was something people actually did.
“Wow. Okay, uh. Did you try talking to that one girl, Midget? Or something. What was her name again? The one you were always with?”
There was that deep breath again.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, M pulled the phone away and glanced at the screen to make sure he hadn’t accidentally dropped the call. He put the phone back to his ear, and said, “hello?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Anyway, that’s the problem. I was kinda hoping… you could help.”
“You mean “help” as in…?”
“A place. Like, to stay... for a while.”
“Help you find a place? Or are you asking to stay here?”
“Umm…”
“All right, listen, why don’t you come over in a couple of days? It’ll be easier to discuss all this in person.”
“Sure. I’ll uhh, see you then.”
The call ended. M shut off his game, and scrolled down his list of contacts. He decided it was as good a time as any to get in touch with his buddy, Zephyr.
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Comments: 62
Star-Flavored In reply to ??? [2014-07-05 19:52:46 +0000 UTC]
Yay! Hopefully will have the next segment up next week sometime :]. Trying to keep on a week-to-week basis eheh.
Also, the next segment is quite a bit longer. This one was just the short intro, if you will.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
lessthanthreebutts [2014-07-05 00:49:58 +0000 UTC]
Awww yes it's finally here! Great job ^^ The picture really helps establish the setting... and I love the title, "Does this thing autosave" haha It shows how at first M might have been thinking more about his game than the person on the phone x)
Looking forward to reading more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Star-Flavored In reply to lessthanthreebutts [2014-07-05 04:46:38 +0000 UTC]
Awh thank you so much! you are so sweet x) Laz actually came up with that title :3
Yay! That's what I aim for!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lessthanthreebutts In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-05 13:48:26 +0000 UTC]
Awww it's nothing, don't mention it ^/////^ Tell Laz she's doing a great job too!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Melalina In reply to ??? [2014-07-05 00:31:02 +0000 UTC]
Great dialogue. Great opening to an interesting story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Star-Flavored In reply to Melalina [2014-07-05 04:47:16 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for you kind words, they are greatly appreciated! I am glad you liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Cirprius In reply to ??? [2014-07-04 17:41:59 +0000 UTC]
I'm so proud of your bravery! The fact that your able to post this here in the first place is awesome to be honest. Now onto the comments!
1. The teamwork you have between the illustration and the writing is pretty great to be honest. It allows you to show the setting as opposed to describe the setting. That being said, without the picture, you also loose a lot of the scene, if this was just posted as writing you would need to flesh it out.
2. Them character dialogs. Pretty interesting actually, I love the nervous rambling. Asking such a task like that is hella difficult and I think you captured the nervous excitement and fear of rejection perfectly. You can tell they know of each other and that everything is pretty unexpected. I also like the obvious annoyance of talking over the phone that is expressed - nothing says "calm down" like a "let's just talk in person."
3. There's a LOT of backstory to this, I can tell just from reading this - not just because I know some of the story. The characters have a lot to say, even though it's awkward and one would rather game.
Good Job Ccino! I wish I could say more but considering it's more dialog than anything I can't get too too nitpicky. You have an interesting voice when you describe things. Keep up the great work, and post more.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
FarrahBelle In reply to Cirprius [2014-10-23 01:02:43 +0000 UTC]
I agree totally! Everything u just said is what I felt while reading it! It totally pulled me in. I wanna read more. lol And I'm about toooo...
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Star-Flavored In reply to Cirprius [2014-07-04 18:01:27 +0000 UTC]
Awwman thanks for the advice! And also, thanks for the compliments! >///w///<
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Cirprius In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-04 18:25:46 +0000 UTC]
No problem, I hope it helps.
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