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Star-Flavored — Adobe Slabs: Segment 1
#chapters #drama #ema #family #gale #gay #illustrated #lgbt #lgbtq #mags #oc #original #originalcharacter #originalcharacters #shonen_ai #shounen_ai #slash #zephyr #original_characters #shawnjo #m #novel #mphlox #lazdancewithme #adobe_slabs #illustrated_novel #homosexual #love
Published: 2014-07-04 16:30:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 4925; Favourites: 54; Downloads: 0
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There was the sound of an explosion. Followed by another. And another, until there were so many in succession that any other sound would be hard-pressed to be heard.

It was a good thing, then, that M’s phone was set to vibrate, and currently in his back pocket. He put it to his ear and answered without even looking to see who the caller was. He continued to focus on the onscreen destruction he had been in the midst of causing. “This is M,” he answered, with a slightly disconnected voice.

“Hey, uh, M. This is Billy.”

M hit the pause button and set the controller down. Who?

“I don’t, like, know if you remember me, man, you probably don’t. But like… I was wondering if you could help me out? See, I’ve got this, um...well, I mean, it’s pretty much... uhh. So I can’t live at home right now, not after I promised my mom I’d move out and try to make something of my life. I’ve been trying really hard, so I didn’t wanna disappoint. But a place of my own is outta the question, because money is kinda tight… Anyway I thought about calling around, y’know, lookin for a roommate and stuff. But at the same time, I didn’t wanna bother my friends, they’ve been doin their own thing and all that. I haven’t actually called them yet, but, well I guess I could try if it came to that, but there’s a lot, like… I dunno. Then there’s Gale. I talked to him, to see if he knew anybody, and his friend, the girly one, your buddy... Zephyr? He-- uh. He told me to talk to you. So he gave me your number and address but I just wanted to call first. Since he told me to go to you, I dunno if that means you’re not busy, or like you got a place, or I mean like what…”

“Wait. So, what exactly is it that you need help with?”

“Whoa! Haha, hey, didn’t know you were there. I thought I was leavin a message. Sorry, that scared me just now. I’ve been kinda out of it lately.”

M could hear the long draw of oxygen Billy must have just taken, as if he’d forgotten that breathing was something people actually did.

“Wow. Okay, uh. Did you try talking to that one girl, Midget? Or something. What was her name again? The one you were always with?”

There was that deep breath again.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, M pulled the phone away and glanced at the screen to make sure he hadn’t accidentally dropped the call. He put the phone back to his ear, and said, “hello?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Anyway, that’s the problem. I was kinda hoping… you could help.”

“You mean “help” as in…?”

“A place. Like, to stay... for a while.”

“Help you find a place? Or are you asking to stay here?”

“Umm…”

“All right, listen, why don’t you come over in a couple of days? It’ll be easier to discuss all this in person.”

“Sure. I’ll uhh, see you then.”

The call ended. M shut off his game, and scrolled down his list of contacts. He decided it was as good a time as any to get in touch with his buddy, Zephyr.

Related content
Comments: 62

Star-Flavored In reply to ??? [2016-08-31 19:09:43 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much! :'D I hope you enjoy if you continue!

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Raiders16 [2016-08-07 23:09:57 +0000 UTC]

I can tell this illustration novel will be good      

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Star-Flavored In reply to Raiders16 [2016-08-09 05:49:12 +0000 UTC]

I'm happy you think so!! <3

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Raiders16 In reply to Star-Flavored [2016-08-09 12:08:13 +0000 UTC]

 

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Hailasses [2015-09-25 05:49:52 +0000 UTC]

I haven't read writing like this in a long time.   


So far it's really good, and I can't wait to read more in which I will be doing so immediately.   

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Star-Flavored In reply to Hailasses [2015-09-25 05:55:03 +0000 UTC]

I live for people like you my goodness what a nice comment. ;u; I sincerely hope you continue to enjoy it!! :'D

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Hailasses In reply to Star-Flavored [2015-09-25 07:54:02 +0000 UTC]

I'm know I will! 
Thank you for your hard work!   

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Star-Flavored In reply to Hailasses [2015-09-25 07:59:53 +0000 UTC]

;u; Aww, you're welcome! And thank YOU for giving it a chance! <3

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Hailasses In reply to Star-Flavored [2015-09-25 08:18:10 +0000 UTC]

Of course! No need to thank me for enjoying your amazing works!  

You should be the one getting all of the praise here, YOU are the one that took all of the time to polish over your characters, plot line, etc.
Thank you again for all of your hard work! I look forward to following you on your journey!   

((Ahhhh- that sounded really creepy! Sorry about that loll.))

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Star-Flavored In reply to Hailasses [2015-09-25 08:33:50 +0000 UTC]

(aww Lars I love him aaaah~) 

Aww nah nah, it would be for nothing if there were not those out there to share my love for them with me! But thanks so much, you seem very aware of the amount of time we have put into this;;; hahaha //laughs maniacally

((lolololol I don't mind the company >w<))

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JackalNormArule [2015-08-03 07:02:59 +0000 UTC]

You write good dialogues friend -- it makes the reader sucked into your story. Keep it up yo !

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Star-Flavored In reply to JackalNormArule [2015-08-03 07:38:39 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for the llama and watch as well, and for this lovely comment! I hope I manage to hone my skill even further! :'D

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JackalNormArule In reply to Star-Flavored [2015-08-03 12:16:36 +0000 UTC]

Keep doing that friend--rewrites makes it perfect...

Have you published any of your works? 

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Star-Flavored In reply to JackalNormArule [2015-08-04 06:03:54 +0000 UTC]

I have had something physically published long ago, though it was a poem. I have not yet published my works other than online (publishing to a site is technically publishing, just not getting paid for it or having physical copies available). But! Once the final editing is done we will be going the self-published route through Amazon. How about yourself?

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JackalNormArule In reply to Star-Flavored [2015-08-05 15:39:47 +0000 UTC]

Hey friend, sorry for late reply ~~~ I shoot you a Note later;
I am interested in your future path of self-publishing in Amazon
as I am heading that way too.

Talk later yo !!!

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I-Am-Riversong [2015-07-12 21:40:35 +0000 UTC]

I am excited to read more!! I actually found this quite interesting! Amazing work, man!

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Star-Flavored In reply to I-Am-Riversong [2015-07-13 03:36:56 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow I'm glad! Thanks so much!!

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Amarantheans [2015-02-09 16:17:45 +0000 UTC]

Interesting start Curious what would develop from the call, though I am awating a grande hook, something that grabs me and slaps me in the face making me not want to quit reading. 

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Star-Flavored In reply to Amarantheans [2015-02-09 23:08:54 +0000 UTC]

Ah! Thank you very much for the feedback! Hopefully the hook in a later segment will do just that. If not, I definitely have something I need to work on!!

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Amarantheans In reply to Star-Flavored [2015-02-10 00:07:22 +0000 UTC]

Sounds great

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Star-Flavored In reply to Amarantheans [2015-02-10 00:38:44 +0000 UTC]

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calcatt [2015-02-01 07:19:23 +0000 UTC]

I love the small bits of humour in it! Adds a whole new depth to it  

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Star-Flavored In reply to calcatt [2015-02-01 07:30:49 +0000 UTC]

Aah your comment brings me MUCH happiness!!! o///////////o  I am so glad you approve! M makes it so easy for things to be humorous haha.

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TMaR18 [2014-11-05 05:46:57 +0000 UTC]

More please

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Star-Flavored In reply to TMaR18 [2014-11-05 06:04:15 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for the lovely comment! I am so glad to hear you like it! It is up to segment five, the link to the next segment is in  my artist comment in each segment, or Adobe Slabs Segment 2  <-here~

Segment six is due up soon! :'D

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oviedomedina [2014-10-28 13:32:35 +0000 UTC]

This has some serious potential!
Onwards to part 2!

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Star-Flavored In reply to oviedomedina [2014-10-28 21:33:58 +0000 UTC]

Wow! Thanks for the comment! I hope you enjoy it if you decide to read on!

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oviedomedina In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-10-28 22:04:27 +0000 UTC]

No problem!
I will!

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Star-Flavored In reply to oviedomedina [2014-10-29 01:51:09 +0000 UTC]

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Aochiro [2014-07-15 08:54:34 +0000 UTC]

I like the beginning! There's a lot of good potential character development and plot twists going to happen here, I can tell. It's a wonderful start to your guys' first - first, really? wow... - story together. I'm excited to see where this is going!

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Star-Flavored In reply to Aochiro [2014-07-15 16:39:18 +0000 UTC]

Aww thank you very much! And thanks for the favorite! :3

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silvermonopoly [2014-07-14 22:36:58 +0000 UTC]

I applaud thee.   

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Star-Flavored In reply to silvermonopoly [2014-07-14 22:51:24 +0000 UTC]

Awh, thanks!! 'u'-

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silvermonopoly In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-14 22:53:12 +0000 UTC]

How's it hanging?

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Star-Flavored In reply to silvermonopoly [2014-07-14 23:11:45 +0000 UTC]

Oh pretty good, just moved(again) in a Summer walking class and working, though all I want to do is focus on my stories... Story of my life haha. How about yourself? Thanks for the favorite, by the way!

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silvermonopoly In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-15 07:11:04 +0000 UTC]

I know the feeling! I hate being in school or anywhere all day really, because I feel like I'm more needed by my computer, writing. The thought of a full time job creeps me out because of this.

Meh, I'm well! Feeling really happy about my book, it seems to become the best thing I've ever written. Still getting used to the new apartment, since it's been two months already. Can't quite understand such a beautiful place is ours! ;_; <3

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Star-Flavored In reply to silvermonopoly [2014-07-15 08:57:48 +0000 UTC]

Me too 0-0 I hate feeling displaced and I bring my journal with me to school AND work. D: I can't risk not being able to write something important down and my co-workers respect this haha.

That is good!!! I feel that way about the current book I just finished(the one we are posting up now-but I still need to go back and add some more.) It is always a good thing when your current thing is your best; it's how you know you are improving. ^^ Yeah, we just moved here about a month and a half ago...there are still things not set up haha. Glad you have a good place! :'D

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silvermonopoly In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-15 10:00:03 +0000 UTC]

Yes, that need for a journal! I've replaced it with my shitty phone and it just doesn't do the trick the same way than scribbling away in a little book. My phone is now filled with clips of info here and there, and it's messy and it's stupid and I always forget about it. When I had a steady job down at the other town we used to live in, I used the order/payment/invoice papers for that. That was very appreciated also.

Oh and of course there'll be additions to this one too, little pieces that make the rest fit. It's a puzzle, writing a book. And do not worry about things not being set up, if you can write there anyway! We took a good 6 months in a previous apartment and in the last one we didn't even bother unpacking everything. In this one, we did everything in a week because this apartment deserves it. It's a happy place with lots of light and new stuff!

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Star-Flavored In reply to silvermonopoly [2014-07-15 18:17:00 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I have tried my phone too, but it doesn't keep in compiled enough for me haha;;

It really is, isn't it? And it will forever be able to be improved upon. :> Yes! Workspace is always the first thing I set up. That is really awesome, glad you feel at home in your new place. Natural lighting is so nice, but where I live it's so hot, so it gets even hotter the more windows you have...

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LotusJadeThorn [2014-07-08 19:17:24 +0000 UTC]

Great opening and nicely written. The image accompanying this is cool too! As mentioned below, you execute dialogue really well and you bring through a lot of characterisation and feelings; wonderfully done. This feels a little scarce on embellishment though. I wouldn't ask you to shoehorn in description, but just add to the action here and there with some detail; indulge the reader.

Other more minor suggestions include:
'Onscreen' doesn't require a hyphen, just as you've done with "roommate."
Also letting you know that speech doesn't require a full stop if the sentence continues. For instance here “This is M.” He answered..." Instead, tweak this to "This is M," he answered." No capitalisation on "He" either! Not just because the sentence is continuing, but because it's a pronoun, not a proper noun. That sounds finicky I know, but if you wanna achieve that professionalism in your writing, then yeah P:
Lastly (and also nit-picky) remember that address terms require commas beforehand. In one instance here, you use "I don't, like, know if you remember me man..." Alter this to "I don't, like, know if you remember me, man..." Saves confusion for the reader too

All in all, just some grammatical advice here; nothing too taxing. You know your work is good when people can only suggest grammatical changes instead of stylistic ones! I hope you feel encouraged and continue to write with such flair~~ Good luck with the rest of this! 

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Star-Flavored In reply to LotusJadeThorn [2014-07-08 19:54:47 +0000 UTC]

Oh my! Thank you for favoriting it, and for the critique! I have been trying to incorporate more detail, but when I was younger I had a problem with having too much, now it seems to be the opposite, haha. I just have to find a middle ground.

Thank you for clarifying these for me. I actually have not been educated on the bit about address terms. Yay! I will go fix these right away!

Thanks so much for the compliment and taking the time to do this for me! I am very grateful! :'D

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LotusJadeThorn In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-08 20:30:38 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome    And yeah I used to have trouble with details. Sometimes I catch myself out putting in too much and overly spelling things out haha XD Happens to us all!

I'm glad you're taking it on board and again, no problem at all~~   

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Star-Flavored In reply to LotusJadeThorn [2014-07-08 20:50:38 +0000 UTC]

!

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calligraphyi [2014-07-08 08:47:22 +0000 UTC]

Ahh, I want to read this through and through. This looks like it's going to be amazing!

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Star-Flavored In reply to calligraphyi [2014-07-08 09:48:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh my, my heart skipped a beat at this wonderful comment! Gah thank you so much ahhhhh!! Thank you for the favorite, and you have some pretty awesome calligraphy in your gallery. Very cool. :0 I haven't come across many people who do calligraphy. I will hopefully have the next segment up either Thursday or Friday ^^ Good thing is, it is all written, so it will all be posted after the artwork is completed for each segment, and the next segment is much, much longer than this one, so good news there xD. Thanks again!!!

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calligraphyi In reply to Star-Flavored [2014-07-08 22:52:56 +0000 UTC]

No problem. What really caught my attention was the picture at the beginning, very well made. Keep it up!

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Star-Flavored In reply to calligraphyi [2014-07-08 23:47:29 +0000 UTC]

Oh thanks >u< credit to that all goes to the lovely .

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LeVieuxLoup [2014-07-06 01:53:10 +0000 UTC]

Quite like it for some reason, gonna follow how it goes.

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Star-Flavored In reply to LeVieuxLoup [2014-07-06 02:47:19 +0000 UTC]

Yay! Thanks for the fave and watch by the way. Much appreciated.

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SoubiVee [2014-07-05 17:21:52 +0000 UTC]

Haha so nice~ It's awesome to see some of your writing xD  I'm curious for more haha~ !

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