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StreamEngenius — Beautiful frame
Published: 2008-12-29 20:51:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 138; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
We laid together in that room that stopped the heat of summerWe laid there for what seemed like a long time
With a whisper
You asked me if I wanted to do this
I couldn't say a word back to you
I could only give you a nod
We kissed and touched
And you knew the workings of my frame
Oh how I had waited for this
I couldn't bring myself reach out to discover your beautiful frame
I wanted to know all of its workings
But I left with a hug
Maybe just maybe you'll give me that second chance
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Comments: 3
Awww there's so much longing in this, and I liked your idea of a body as a frame. You might want to expand on that, though! Compare it to something else with a frame and run with it! Also, the line "we kissed and touched" tells us what's going on, which is okay, but you might want to think about employing stronger images to express the same sentiment. (Although in this case you might not because it's so personal.) But yeah. Imagery. It's one of my... things. It really is a sweet poem, though!
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Thats a good idea.
I think I might revise it.
I gotta wait until it just comes to me or it'll turn bad.
I haven't quiet got enough experience writing though.
But I'm working on it.
The more I write the better it becomes.
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The only way to get better at something is to do it a lot! 
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