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SubParMan — Pressing Questions Episode 2
Published: 2008-02-20 22:00:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 164; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description Good evening, and welcome to our second edition of Pressing Questions, the show where we get important people to answer important questions you want answered. Today, we have Father B., a priest in service to the Almighty Incredible and generally-more-awesome-er Church of the Evangelist. Father, thank you for coming.

Father B: My pleasure, child.

Host: Father, it a sad time to be faithful. Between the ever changing views of faith, the seemingly relaxing morals, and all the violence going on, how do you manage to remain faithful?

F.B.: That is a good question, my child. In this age, it is more important than ever to remain true to your faith, and to remember that God loves every single one of you.

Host: That’s beautiful, Father…

F.B.: Unless you’re a homosexual.

Host: What?

F.B.: Or a fornicator, or a non-believer, or someone who eats meat on Friday.

Host: Father, I don’t understand. Isn’t that a little critical of…

F.B.: Of course it isn’t! It says so right here in Scripture… (Opens the Generic Holy Tome of Awesome) “And he said that thou art unto thee what thee art unto thy and thou verily and unto oblivion.” That clearly means that homosexuals and fornicators are evil and deserve to die the most horrible deaths imaginable.

Host: You know, Father, an agnostic or an atheist would say that since God created homosexuals, that he should have no problem with them. And even if he did, they would say they would be punished enough under your iron laws of Generic Good Place and Generic Bad Place.

F.B.: You shouldn’t trust their words. The Generic Holy Tome tells us they are evil.

Host: But… of course your Tome would say that people who preach different messages are evil. Do you honestly believe that a person cannot be good unless they follow your word to the letter?

F.B.: Wh… I… but… I…am not used to being questioned. Usually people just accept what I say without thinking about it.

Host: I’m not done questioning you, Father. Tell me this: how can a religion that preaches love and tolerance at the same time preach death and alienation of people just because they’re different or disagree with you?!?

F.B.: But… those are a different faction than…

Host: No dice! They still follow the same God, and adhere to almost the same tenants. Just because one follower knows better doesn’t separate him from the rest of his creed when they are killing people over a difference in philosophy.

(All is silent, and then…)

F.B: I think I just made a holy #$%@.

Host: Right, and on that note, that’s all the time we have. Tune in again next time when we’ll press the questions that matter to you.
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