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SunriseTehVulpix — The rule was meant to be broken!
Published: 2012-06-12 19:55:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 1364; Favourites: 59; Downloads: 5
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OH WOW THIS TOOK A LONG TIME.But yeah.
This is my comic. No shadinG, but ah well.
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Comments: 37
This is hilarious at the end i fell outta my chair o3o i still wanna tigerclaw
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Firestar: Then Yellowfang! She's Brokenstar's father.
You need to correct that xD
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Lol. When I read the series I'm like: jay feather is a big grouch. It seems like he won't fall in love... Then half moon came into the picture. He's not so different after all. Lol. But I DO think their coupling is sweet.
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Agreed, it's one of my favourite parings x3
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Yeah, it's a nice pairing.
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you said that yellowfang was brokenstars FATHER
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hahahahaha xD face it Firestar all cats must love :3
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This is going to be an especially long comment because of how I work with comics, so sorry that it took so long to get! I go panel by panel, and if something repeats, I won't mention it. C:
Alright, first, just sorta to say this, there is no shading. Shading kinda gives more dimension to a drawing, so try practicing by shining a light on something and drawing it and its shadows.
ALRIGHT NOW FOR REALSIES, starting with the first panel.
You used the little typing thing they have in Paint, so why not use it on the title as well? It's not bad to write it, though you could've made the letters stand out more somehow? Make them bubble letters? 3D? I didn't really notice it until I started looking at the panel for stuff.
You put the speechbubbles on AFTER the lettering, which is bad in this case, because you're using MS Paint. It left those little colored spots between or inside the letters because of that. Draw everything else, then do the speechbubbles and then do the letters so it won't look goofy like that. You can use a circle tool to make the bubbles look rounder, too.
You didn't fill in everything, either, so there are a few white spots around the cats, like around Firestar's feet. When you're done coloring, check to make sure you've got everything colored in.
The background doesn't really have anything to tell me it's grass besides that it's green. Maybe draw individual blades here and there to spice it up. And if this is Warriors, then they should be in a forest, right? Maybe add a couple trees for variety.
Now onto the cats, look up a picture, say, let's use this one for an example, [link] since it's got a bunch of standing cats. A cat's body is about 3 heads long, if you look at the width of their heads. All of your cats' bodies are really small, and are about one head long instead. The legs are also a tad bit to thick for a cat. The front legs are easy to draw, but the back legs are a bit annoying, I know. While you have the start of a curve for the back leg, which is good, you didn't do that little bone cats have that make their back legs sort of L-shaped.
I won't bug about the hair, because you like to do that yourself, and that's cool with me. :1 The eyes of all the cats in every panel aren't what a cat's eyes look like, but you can decide for yourself whether or not you like to draw them like that, or if you prefer to go with a more realistic way.
I'm gonna move on to the next panel, but I'm not going to repeat what I've said over and over, because that'd be annoying for me to type, and for you to read.
When you draw the cats facing left/right, try not to make their snouts/whatever go out that far, because that's closer to a dog or a wolf. Cats have smaller, triangular muzzles, to put it into more of a shape. The speech from Firestar in this panel is a bit wonky, too, so try not to type the same thing twice! check it over before you let it go.
Oh, when you draw expressions, I realize cats don't have eyebrows, but maybe doing that will have them express themselves a bit more. I see only a few expressions when there's the possibility of more to show.
Also, the ^^ face shouldn't be the only one of 3 faces they make. When the eyes close, they can go up like that, but they can also move down. The cats' back can't be seen here, even though they should. cat's necks are not as long as people's necks, and the only reason they'd look like that is if they were sitting down, but they aren't.
Panel 3: The only complaints here is that their craniums are really big for a cat, and that their eyes are a bit too high on their heads. Try lining up the middle of the eyes with the tip of the nose. Speaking of which, their noses disappeared.
Panel 4: Nothing much here I haven't said, but his mouth isn't colored in, and it looks like he's smiling, try doing more of a rounded-off ^ for the top of a mouth.
Panel 5: One of his eyes is a lot smaller than the other. Since he's facing us here, that's not right. And that cat in the background is kinda creeping me out. I can't read what they're saying at all, and they have no features that make them distinctly look like a cat. I know they're in the background, but try drawing jsut a smaller version of a cat.
Panel 6: Halfway there! C: The only complaint here is that you need to vary your expressions. I see a lot of ^w^ and while they are cats, they can have a bit more expression than that.
Panel 7: I see random blue freckles on her. Dunno what that is. Her eyes look different than how you usually draw them, and she pupils are on the outside of her iris, when it should be the other way around.
Panel 8: Cinderpelt is sorta floating there, and I have no idea what the pink lines on her feet are for. She has no whites on her eyes, either, or pupils, so it's just one big blue eye. You also seem to keep changing your eye styles, stick to one to make things more consistent. And the cats in the foreground have no legs. Maybe a couple lines'll do?
Panel 9: The order you did of your speech bubbles confused me for a while, there. Go left to right, or right to left and stick with it! :1 I have seen the face the cat in the background is making in animes, but try to draw an expression yourself, and not copy from animes. That'll make them more expressive.
Panel 10: Random color change in the background behind Jayfeather. Not much else to say here.
Panel 11: Make some space between the legs a bit, because no one, not even humans keeps their legs closed all the time.
Panel 12: Nothing here to say that I haven't said. So that is that!
I know this is a lot of information, but, please, do NOT stress out about it! Take little steps at a time, work at one thing one day and another a different day. And you don't have to do major improvement in a day, let alone a week, just little things. You don't have to take everything I say, but think about them a bit.
Sorry it took so long to type, and remember to keep drawing. C:
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Thanks so much!
Firstly, I'll adress the texr issue; I made a BIG mistake and ended up drawing the BG after the text.
I'd like to adress everything you're written, but I need to sleep. But again, thanks so much!
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Alright, that's okay. We all goof up on some stuff here and there, no one's perfect. C:>
That's fine, and you're very welcome! Don't worry too much about this, okay? You'll do good.
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Lol Firestars face at STORY TIME xD epicness
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Lol I was thinking about that for a bit while reading the books...
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You said that yellowfangw as brokenstar's FATHER. o.O
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Lol I like it, but I must ask, why do you put all that hair in their faces? I'm not trying to be rude but I'm just wondering. o3o
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