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SuperdarksideX5 — Self-Struggle Part 2 (Please Read Description)
Published: 2016-07-09 20:06:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 540; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 0
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Description
(Warning: Now leading to somewhat deep and sad.)Type: Sad and Uplifting
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#6
I always thought back then I had a good life. I was kinda spoiled to be honest. But I try my best to be good, thankful, and try to work hard in school. I want to be good. I wanted to be a peaceful person. I wanted to be kind and patient. I wanted to be easygoing. I don't want to become a jerk. But as years has gone by.... the last one had me thinking so much. I sometimes usually had deep thoughts in my mind.
#7
As much as I don't want to act like it, you know how sometimes we have feelings on the inside a bit different at times than we feel on the outside? At times, there are some things and some bullies that got on my nerves at times. Those types that wanted to make you feel angry and/or sad. I usually don't show my feelings but I can't help but feel these things. I know I shouldn't have listen and I don't mostly. But I do let them get to me at times. Even if I don't show it, I always asked myself, "Why am was I acting like that? I know I don't show it but.... still." That's when I started to worry about myself.
#8
There are at times, when I was told I have been acting strange and kinda rude. Some say, I needed to grow up because my life is slowly changing. Now I know there are some jerks again that just wanted to make you feel bad but there are ones that tell me about my actions. At times when I thought they were right. Now I know everyone makes mistakes. But the problem was, I took the messages and advises too seriously and probably the wrong way.
#9
At times, when ever I make a dumb mistake even if it's a little bit, I get mad at myself. In my thought, I couldn't just let them slide just like that. That then led to self doubt. That's why I always apologize so much, even though they are just words less than my actions. And the more I was being strict with myself but a bit too much. Like when ever I done a mistake, I call myself dumb or moron. I know that's sound really harsh but I have to have consequences for my actions. Sometimes I just wanted to let my feelings out of me so badly. It's hard sometimes not to hold it.
#10
BUT as much as I wanted to, at the same time, I shouldn't. I don't want to. I learned that sometimes others are right and I don't want to bother anyone about my problems. I thought this was something I had to do on my own. As I learned getting others to see you depressed and you want to have some attention was kinda of a excuse. So I had to deal with me myself. Not to show my struggle or depression to get attention and to make it an excuse. If you can understand what I'm talking about.
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Comments: 44
Regarding point #9, I know exactly how you feel. Even now, whenever I make a mistake, I feel like there must be consequences (preferably immediate) to deter myself from making those same mistakes again.
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That is so true. It hurts on the inside and I want to let it out but I had to indure it and hold it because it will only make it worse.
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I can kinda relate, glad you're getting through it though. //hugs
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Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry if you had understandably harder times as well.
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I still go through certain struggles like everybody does, it's true that having God and your friends and family really can help you to stay strong. Yw. 😊
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Nobody is perfect but I try to act like it. As you read, I take even my smallest mistakes too seriously because I was afriad and worried if I get carried away. You know, the fear of change whether for better or for worse. But having others support you for all that is a very comferting feeling. Weither they are willing to help you.
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Yeah I have a tendency to do the same thing.
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What's sad though is that you ever see or heard others that they are too depressed that it's not that bad or they are just complaining just to get attention? Sadly I learned that lessom from an artist that I used to support her/his work and felt sorry for them. I understand if I'm kinda doing the same thing with this story. I'm not really sure. And I know this seems too dramaticly silly for something in real life but it's true. 😏
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Yeah it's sad that people are so attention seeking on this site,
to the point it's a bit hard to know when people are telling the truth,
I believe you though, I think it was a good idea to share your story with others to maybe help them in some way. ^^
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Thank you for your kind words. :') I agree. Who knows if any rare people are going or thinking the same way as me. And I thought I'd share this so that maybe you all can know me a lottle more in a way. Sometimes I have to be careful for if any other crazy people out there.
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Yeah I like it when deviants open up about themselves, who they are and what they believe, it helps to connect with them in ways. ^^
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It is nice. 
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Well again. Thank you so much for reading this and this conersation as well.
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life is never perfect but life is life even though it happens
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That is true. I just always seem to forget that sometimes.
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Okay now im confused ive had similar problems saying sorry too much calling myself stupid or an idiot
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Really? Well I wonder there are others who probably been through the same thing. Sorry if this is getting confusing.
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Trust me im sure there are..though when i was beimg bullied my older brother was ther and boy..could he get angry
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Well he did say he always have my back..guess he prooved that one day...few jerks just kept on messing with me.and well..my brother wemt a little crazy on them
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Wow. I guess you must have a good brother then. Right?
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Yeah..we did.grow apart for a while at the moment hes with his girlfrimd and their daughter
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No its not bad at all in fact if any thing his daughter is quite joyful..shes gonna be a year old in august pretty soon
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Oh well... life is not perfect, neither we are. But you're impressively mature and you recognize/ control your emotions really well =o
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Yeah. I tend to do that. If I did get angry and let it out, it wouldn't make it better. And besides, I learned that some people use depression just to get attention. I know that's probably what I'm doing but it's true.
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Anger brings destruction only, and you're right, this is not how you get things fixed.
I've experienced depression once, and I know what it is very well: it's commonly known as a disease, but I see it as a curse that has to be broken. Because diseases can be cured, but curses crumble your soul. I don't think you have depression, and I sincerely hope you never will. I think you're going through difficult moments, and you're worried and sad, which is normal. Would you like to talk about it with me?
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I think that would be nice. Once I finished with this story, maybe we'll talk about it. Thank you though.
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Oh alright buddy
Please talk to me at anytime, I'm here for you ^^
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! *Hugs back* Um... Thank so much but you didn't have to. :')
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But I relate so much though!
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Really? You do? Well, I thought I was probably not the only one who goes through this. (:>
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