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Published: 2005-08-03 06:46:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 115; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
I bought a brand-new carTo drive me to all those places I despise
Work, home, back to work
Occasionally I stop at the liquor store
I buy Bailey’s Irish Cream,
Jameson Whiskey
Then stop at the local coffee shop
Put a medium latte in a large cup
Add the main ingredients
Flip upside down
Mix the medicine
And drive off again
To work, home
It doesn’t matter
I may stop at my friend’s place
And park my car on the side of the road
I never lock the doors
And I will ask him for a drink
And he will give me a rum and Coke
And I will tell him I had a bad night
It doesn’t matter
Perhaps I will be quiet
Perhaps I will hide the desire to weep
And perhaps he will know this
And I will ask him for another drink
And he will drink with me
And we will take shots of vodka
He will cringe and sour-face
I will remain expressionless
We will listen to songs about sadness
Unexplainable sadness
And we will converse about Elliot Smith
He will ask how it is possible,
Physically possible,
For one to stab himself
And, on my knees in demonstration,
I will show him.
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Comments: 5
blackelfstone [2007-03-23 12:51:02 +0000 UTC]
Personally, I add irish cream and irish whiskey to an irish beer, guinness. And I drink to my happiness that way. This open verse works well. I find myself repeating the beginnings of lines as well. Here it works well, supplying just enough emphasis without becoming overly repetitive. Something that is a little distracting is the repeated use of the verb "will." And it's just in the latter half of the poem, as though you lost the inspiration for new words.
I'm sorry if I'm criticizing too much. I'll stop noting after this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TargetWeightZero In reply to blackelfstone [2007-03-27 07:18:28 +0000 UTC]
Criticisms are always welcomed and appreciated. It's not often I get such well-thought comments, and I thank you for that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TargetWeightZero In reply to Static-Image [2005-08-03 07:42:19 +0000 UTC]
Life is fun. *cough* I'm working on positive thinking.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Static-Image In reply to TargetWeightZero [2005-08-03 07:54:18 +0000 UTC]
Hey, it shows, too!!! I smiled the whole time I read this, it's action packed with happiness!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0








