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Tarnisis — Meliodas x Chubby Reader: Defender
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#defender #fluff #gentleman #humor #animefanfiction #meliodas #meliodasxreader #killerfluff #wraththedragonsin #hurtcomfort #knightinshiningarmor #romanticcouple #readerinsert #xreader #tarnisis #nanatsunotaizai #chubbyreader #readerinsertfanfiction #sevendeadlysinsanime #lynharkeran #nanatsunotaizaithesevendeadlysins
Published: 2016-03-24 13:00:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 35691; Favourites: 287; Downloads: 0
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(F/n) sighed tiredly, brushing her (h/c) locks back from her eyes with a quick swipe of forefinger. It had been a long day, and the woman was more than ready to have a small tankard and crash into the sweet oblivion of sleep. . . Though she knew that her wish wouldn't be recognized any time soon. Seeing as the Boar Hat, otherwise empty of patrons, currently had two more men entering it to find a table and get drinks.
With a resigned expression, the young woman sauntered over to the table where the new customers had plonked and flashed them a smile she didn’t at all feel.
“Hello there. Welcome to the Boar Hat. What’ll it be?”
“Your Bernia Ale better be as good as everyone says! Otherwise, I’ll settle for the view alone!” Both men laughed, clearly remarking about the woman's curvy form.
Since the young woman had come to live under the Boar Hat’s roof with the friendly owner Meliodas (who had helped her in a way she could never repay), she had mostly kept to herself. Though with the amount of business booming for the small bar, she had felt the need to pitch in and earn her keep. So she had taken up the temporary title of ‘barmaid’ and gotten to work. Though with the amount of attention she had received tonight, (F/n) was on the brink of coming unglued.
If she hadn’t been at the end of her tether, the woman might have shrugged off the suggestive comment. But seeing as he was the fourth man to make a rude remark that day (bringing attention to her rather busty form), she found herself unable to hold back her lashing tongue.
“Ale will be spilled all over you if you don’t keep your thoughts to yourself,” she growled.
Both men scowled. “Yeh don’t like the attention, don’t advertise the goods."
(F/n) snorted as red-hot anger took hold of her. It wasn't like she had chosen these clothes! Her own had been accidently ripped earlier that day by Hawk (while he was on scrap duty). So the only clothing that she had been able to wear belonged to Meliodas himself. It was true that the size of his shirt was far too tight in the chest area, and the pants she was wearing had been made out of her torn skirt, but it wasn't something that she needed to be reminded of. Especially when the woman was already somewhat self-conscious of her appearance.
(F/n) had never been one for confrontations, but she currently wanted nothing more than to beat these customers senseless. She felt the fresh trace of angry tears rising in her eyes and knew that she was about to do something rash. Her fists clenched as she glared at the men who were openly staring at. . . But just when she was about to turn and run away, she felt a warm hand encase her own and a newcomer intervened.
"Is there a problem here, (F/n)?"
The familiar voice belonged to none other than the Boar Hat's Owner: Meliodas, the Dragon Sin of Wrath. He was a short man, with a tousled crop of golden yellow hair, and a relaxed air about him. Though currently, there was an unreadable glint in his bright emerald green eyes.
The man who had originally spoken sneered at the youthful looking barkeep. "Your wench doesn't know her place. I would do something about that."
Now Meliodas moved his attention to the woman who he currently held hands with, regarding her carefully. It was a sobering moment, and (F/n) found herself unable to breathe properly. The Dragon Sin's gaze was intent at the best of times. But right then, it seemed as if he was looking into her very soul as he asked her, "Is that correct?"
(F/n) frowned. "I don't have to take abuse from anyone. Let alone two slovenly arses who haven't even paid."
For a long breath, Meliodas studied (F/n), before he smiled brightly. "You're absolutely right, (F/n). You don't have to take what they give. . . I guess these two owe you an apology huh?"
"Like hell we do!"
"Now, now, guys. You said some pretty degrading stuff. It's only fair."
"We're not saying sorry to a tavern slut!" They cried in unison.
Meliodas sighed though his grip on (F/n)'s hand never loosened. "Then I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
The two men scoffed in their chairs- showing no signs of repentance or departing "Make us! Ya bratty kid!"
"He is not a child," (F/n) interjected furiously.
"Keep out of this wench!! No one asked-" Though the man started his sentence with conviction, he never had the chance to finish it. For within the blinking of an eye, something had crashed over his head with a loud thunk! The object had been bashed over his head faster than any normal eye-sight could capture, and it took (F/n) and the other man (who hadn't been hit) a moment to realize what it was.
It's a chair! (F/n) couldn't help the hysterical laugh that bubbled in the back of her throat. Meliodas hit him over the head with a bloody chair!!
The man who had been hit was slumped over, unconscious from the blow, while the other quickly scrambled from his seat and rushed for the door to the Boar's Hat.
As it slammed shut behind the retreating figure, Meliodas turned to grin at the shocked woman. "You alright, (F/n)?"
"Y-Yeah, I think so." She stuttered, noticing the barely hidden concern in his eager emerald eyes. "Thank you for defending me."
"Don't mention it." Then, the small Sin crossed over to the unconscious form of the man he had K.O'd and picked him up with a single hand. Then, he proceeded to drag him to the door and toss him out after his friend. Once he was pleased with his work, the yellow-haired barkeep returned back to the woman and retook her hand in his own. It seemed he liked the contact as much as she did.
"Hey (F/n), never let anyone make you feel bad about how you look," he said. "Cause you're perfect the way you are. . . and you look sexy in my clothes. Or any others you choose to wear."
(F/n) deadpanned. "Don't you mean beautiful instead of sexy, Meli?"
He seemed to consider this for a second before he shook his head, "Nope! Sexy suits you better."
(F/n) did her best to look indignant, though as he snaked his hand around her waist, the woman found herself laughing and leaning down to kiss him.
"You're lucky I love you, ya pervy bugger. Otherwise, I might consider trying out that chair trick you just pulled."
He laughed before kissing her back. And in that moment, the two melted into a tranquil lapse, without a care in the world for how different they truly were.
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
"(F/n) . . . If you were into chair foreplay you should have said so sooner."
"MELIODAS!!!"
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Comments: 67
Let me start with a couple of disclaimers. I am not fond of the (f/n) (h/c) fill in the blank methodology that many seem to use on DA. That being said, you did not abuse it, so thank you.
On the other hand, I am partial to women with curves (and have been married to one for almost 30 years, so I do take a look at these sorts of stories from time to time. Many of them seem rather formulaic, but since you asked for a critique, and the accompanying picture was interesting, you hooked me. My critiques tend to be rather detailed, but I do this in an effort to help people with talent improve. I wish that I had had someone do this for me when I was young. My greatest wish is to someday see something on the shelves of a bookstore (yes, I must have a book in my hand, reading a kindle bothers me to no end) written by someone I might have helped along the way. So, please take what follows in that spirit.
First, the technical aspects. In the second sentence, rather than "the woman", you might give us some more information, such as "the barmaid", "the serving wench", or something dealing with her past rather than her occupation. Words are precious, and the shorter the form, the more precious they are. Use them to advance the story, detail the character, or give us a hint of what is to come.
"Though she knew that her wish wouldn't be recognized..." Generally, wishes are granted or not, but I've never seen that one was recognized.
"Boar Hat" Personal note: I would expect such an establishment to be named "Boar's Hat". "Boar Hat" seemed awkward, and was therefore distracting. Readers will have expectations based on the genre, location, time period, etc., of a story. While you may want to surprise them with a twist by using their expectations against them (like a judo move), you should try to adhere to expectations on the minor things.
"Seeing as the Boar Hat..." This fragment seems as though it should have been part of the previous sentence, or that it needs a clause following it. Such a clause could give the reader some more details about her wish.
Try not to start sentences with "Though". Occasionally one might write, "Although x, y...", you shouldn't become overly reliant on this sort of thing.
"on the brink", "coming unglued", "end of her tether"... Three such phrases in quick succession. Try to come up with some more original descriptions. Try to use these stock phrases only when you want to use them as a means of shorthand, making the reader understand something quickly so you can move on the the good stuff. Here is an alternate wording that exhibits both ideas:
"If she hadn't been as frazzled as her unkempt hair, she might have shrugged off this latest suggestive comment. This fourth or fifth one, she had lost count, was the straw of fable, and the camel's back of her patience had finally broken."
See how that works? In two sentences, we see her state - mental and physical - and get the point that she has been dealing with this stuff for longer than she should have had to. And using a standard phrase in a different way adds interest. It is something that most readers will recognize, and will therefore set the stage for what is about to happen.
Your repeated use of "the woman" is distracting, and not very flattering for the female lead.
In addressing Meliodas, the man should probably have said, "Your wench doesn't know her place. I would do something about that if I were you." or perhaps something like, "I think that you should teach her some manners, or else we will."
"Now, now, guys..." To me, "guys" sounds too modern. If this is a period piece, or fantasy, the language should be somewhat out of the everyday parlance. You want to place the story somewhere else in space and/or time.
"We're not saying sorry to a tavern slut!" they cried in unison." You don't need to capitalize "they" as it is not a separate sentence. There should be a sentence after "departing" right before the "Make us!..."
"Meliodas sighed, though..." a comma after sighed as this sentence relates two ideas.
"You alright, (F/n)?" should read "You all right..." or better, "Are you all right..."
I take it that the four lines of ". . . . . . " is meant to show time passing. I don't know if that is a standard convention in these "Reader" sort of stories, but a passage describing what is happening might be nice. It doesn't have to be explicit.
Well, that takes care of most of the technical issues. The story itself was nice. I confess that I am not familiar with Meliodas, or any story lines he might appear in, so I have nothing with which to compare your portrayal. I did like the jovial way in which he commented on their situation, and the hint of more to come. If the story were to continue, I would expect one or the other of them to make a joking remark about having to raise prices to cover the cost of replacing furniture.
I would think that you could have put in some things that would have told us that her attire was a combination of men's clothing and a makeshift repairs. The more details we have on this, the better we can understand the two men and their comments/attitudes leading up to the fight. For example:
"...and crash into the sweet oblivion of sleep. Just to get out of this ridiculous outfit would be a blessing. She thought that she must look the proper tart, with her full figure busting at the seams of a too-small man's shirt and something imitating pants that had been made out of the salvaged remains of her skirt."
Later in the story, you could have her think about the various reactions to her appearance.
"It was obvious that the patrons were all taking notice of her appearance. It was hard not to. Her curves were such to attract the eye of even the most devout priest, but garbed as she was, well, who could blame them. Still, they didn't have to be so crude. There were one or two who tried to be nice, and even asked about her clothing with what seemed like actual concern. She was happy to give them slightly larger portions. The others, well, a little water in the ale never hurt anyone."
Sorry, I might have taken her character a down a path that you had not intended. I was enjoying the setting of your story so much that I got a little carried away. I got the impression that she is a little feisty, and that this might be something she would do. By giving the reader a little more of the back story, you can fill in some more of her personality. Reading the above, we can feel that she is feisty without you telling us, "(F/n) had been known to be a feisty lass, with a temper that could break like a mountain thunderstorm."
(F/n) is a likable person, and one with whom we can identify. I certainly liked her. We can understand her loss of temper, and at the risk of being anachronistic, we might shout, "You go, girl!" Her character held much more interest for me than did Meliodas. The two ruffians were pretty stock characters, which is why I would have liked to have seen something similar to what I wrote above, letting the reader know that the patrons of the tavern might have been of a certain class or type, that there were not all cookie-cutter characters but did have some individuality.
Did she have any previous history with Meliodas? I couldn't be sure from the story, but it seemed as though they might, especially given the ending. I would have like to have known more about this. If someone familiar with the genre would already know that, then that's on me, although you might not want to take that sort of thing for granted.
Well, as I approach 1400 words, I suppose I should come to an end. I really do not like the rating part, as that seems rather arbitrary, but one cannot submit the critique without filling that in. The technique was the weakest part, as described above. You seemed to have a complete vision of the scene, even though it didn't all translate to the page. You showed originality (chair foreplay, repaired pants) in what is a rather well-known scenario of the serving wench in the tavern. The impact was heightened by the punchline at the end.
Please feel free to ask any questions you might have. Again, I want you to improve, and I hope that I have given you some ideas on where you might be able to do so. If there is something you are writing that is giving you a particular challenge, feel free to ask me about that as well.
Take care, and good writimg.
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Hello there, Haegun! I must admit that when I saw your critique this morning was I was surprised. Never before have I received such a detailed or lengthy critique of my work, and I must say I am flattered. You took time out of your day to read and look over my story and that means a lot to me. So let me thank you for doing so. ^^
I must admit that the amount of issues you brought up made me cringe a bit. But I suppose that's just part of the learning process. Thank you for being so helpful and honest! I am grateful for the help. I must confess that description has always been my weak point in writing. Characterizations and dialogue I can usually manage, but description evades me. I never have enough, even when I push myself. Hahaha, it is a curse! Also, I have a hard time with coma's. Do you have any tips for that?
Your grasp of the English language is impressive! Your thoughts and suggestions have actually helped me. ^^ One of my greatest ambitions is to become a published author, so any teaching or insights are appreciated.
I hate to be forward, but could I ask you a favor? I have a story in my gallery that means the world to me, and I was wondering if I could ask you to critique that one as well? Just the first chapter to see if my technique is better in that one, in comparison to this one shot? I don't usually advertise my stories and I'm embarrassed for even asking. But your knowledge is vast and I could use a strong dose of unbiased honesty. If you'd rather not, I have no hard feelings. I just thought I'd ask just in case.
Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to give me a meaningful critique. You have a wonderful day! 
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You are most welcome. I hope that the length of it wasn't too intimidating.
I don't tend to pull any punches, so I only critique those things that show imagination or promise, from writers or artists that have talent, either obvious or hidden. As you say, they do tend to be time consuming, so I try to engage where I can do the most good.
I, too, would like to get published. I have written non-fiction in various forms for much of my professional life, and am using DA as an arena in which to practice fiction. As far as language, that comes from a lifetime of reading, which started at a young age. I was reading Edgar Allan Poe at 8 (the first book I purchased at a school book fair), and was reading college level texts in 6th grade. I note from my own children that the schools are not assigning reading that is as challenging as when I was in school, and they are less likely to read challenging material on their own. It was funny, but when I started writing for the military, I had to write at a much lower level than what I was used to. That was a challenge.
Reading from a variety of time periods and genres will not only tend to increase your vocabulary, but it will expose you to different ways of thinking, of speaking, and of writing.
Regarding the story you would like me to read, which story would that be?
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The length was both incredible and humbling. You had a lot to say, some encouragement and the rest helpful criticisms. I was a little sad to see that I had so many blunders in my text, but I'm also grateful that you were honest and willing to bring them to my attention. I truly wish to better my writing so that one day I might be able to publish my work.
It is always a pleasure to meet a fellow writer, especially one with such a solid grasp of his craft. I just added you to my D-Watch so I will be able to familiarize myself with your works. ^^ Is there a particular genre you prefer to write? Do you see publishing in your near horizon, or as a future goal?
You wrote for the military? That is impressive. I can image that with such a vast knowledge, due to reading and writing for so long, you'd be bored with most stories. It just flatters me even more that you took the time to critique my one-shot.
I used to read a lot, but in the past year or so (due to full-time work) I've cut back. But I would love to take your advice if I'm able. A wider variety of literature would do me some good.
As for the story I'd like you to read: Born Again: Chapter One It's the opening chapter of a new story I'm working on. It has ended up being somewhat out of my comfort zone. I usually feel more at home with dialogue and characterizations carrying out my plots. But this story is proving to be mainly description based thus far. I'm testing my limits and it's actually quite liberating. Please don't feel obligated to read it. I just thought I'd ask for your insights. That is, if you are able to give them.
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I will be happy to read it. Getting out of one's comfort zone can be a very good thing. I'm getting ready for guests for Easter dinner, but will give my attention tomorrow. I will also send you a brief tour of my work on DA.
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Thank you! ^^ Please take your time, it's not going anywhere. I hope you have a wonderful Easter dinner!
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It's funny, when I looked through your gallery, I thought that Born Again might be the work you would want me to look at.
My wife is home sick, today, so I don't know when I'll get a chance to look at it.
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Ah, I'm sorry to hear that your wife isn't feeling well. I hope she gets better soon. ^^
And there is absolutely no rush. I don't mind waiting, and it's not going anywhere.
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Glad I could make ya laugh, dear. 
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To be honest, I was super jelly of Elizabeth, she is so close to Meliodas I just want to switch places with her XD
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Hahah, same! I love Meliodas!
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I can HEAR his voice when he says that at the end!! I was like “Jesus, shut up!”
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I'm always coming back to this story, I love it so much. Surprising how little stories there are about him!! Meliodas is in top form in this fic, it's wonderful
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Hahah, awww~! Thank youuu~! 
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Hahah, glad I could amuse you!
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This is holy water for my poor, abused soul (I just finished Akame ga kill, I've been crying off and on for about 3 hours). Thank you for this precious, precious piece of happiness for my rather...upset mind. By the way, if you haven't watched Akame ga kill, please do, it's really great. Just don't forget the tissues, and to pre-prepare holy water for the soul afterward :>.
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Hahah, aww! Glad I could help cheer your spirits with this story. I haven't watched Akame ga Kill yet, but it's been on my anime list for a while. From your reaction, I can tell it'll be an interesting ride. ^^
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate you taking the time!
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It's weird that these customers are suddenly really rude to the reader
Like not to sound mean but some of the customers were really nice to Elizabeth, and didn't say gross things about her, they even brushed off her clumsiness and never called her a wench(to my knowledge)
It's just
Idk
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For the purpose of the story, I had the customers be jerks. I'm sorry if that offends you, but it's how the story is written.
Also, the men were drunk, and the reader was overweight and in very tight clothing. It was meant to be a build up of sorts.
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Hahahah, of course he did! That's dear ole Meli for ya!
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Aha I thought you might like to see this picture I found s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/7… some Meliodas fanservice with some Ban on the side
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Thank you for that I saved it
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I love this!! I am chubby but hey, I actually enjoy it ((most days)) I do have a husky size ((my shoulders tho...)) But at least not fat..to me fat and chubby two whole separate things! But this was AMAZING and I always love reading chubby Readers cause then it makes me plus others feel as if us huskier women have a chance...especially if the guys ((or girls)) love their women huskier and fluffy xD
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I love this. I love Meliodas and the fact that such a talented writer took the time to write for him is so mind-bendingly awesome to me!! Thank you so much for this!
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Oh my gosh, I love Meliodas too! He's become a new weakness of mine. XD Though you flatter me, my dear. Thank you so much for your sweetness and reading my humble story. It means a lot.
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I haven't seen all of Seven Deadly Sins, but from what I've seen, Meli is awesome and I think you kept him in character well! the last sentence killed me 
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D'awww, thanks Lammy girl! 
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I'm ALWAYS here to help along the way, we'll support each other! you're most welcome dearest Lammy!
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You always help me Lammy, thank you.
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Oh my gosh, I love The Seven Deadly Sins, and Meliodas was perfect!
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