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Chapter XIV – A Different Facet of Love

“I’m really sorry…” Whispered Zero, the pad of his thumb stopping at your elbow. A whimper slipped from between your lips at the feeling of Zero’s dry lips hovering over the side of your neck and you squeezed your eyes shut when you sensed him opening his mouth, breathing heavily over your sensitive skin. Zero’s parted lips grazed your neck as if trying to examine the exquisite feel of your flesh and his eyelids closed as your velvety skin met his sinful lips.

Time seemed to stop there as you waited for Zero to sink his incisors in your neck and you simply held your breath, scared to make the slightest move.

Despite your stance of expectation, the feeling of something sharp pressing against your neck made your hair stand on end. You gasped and your body stiffened when Zero bit into your neck, allowing his pointy fangs to pierce your unadulterated skin. Instantly upon breaking your flesh, Zero sensed your heated blood seeping from the newly-inflicted wound and rushing into his awaiting mouth.

Oh, how he loved it.

As if pleading to taste more, he drove his sharp incisors deeper into your skin, adding more pressure into his bite. Pained by Zero’s actions, you whimpered and clenched your hands into fists over the dark fabric of Zero’s trousers, feeling the blood flowing from your throbbing veins and into the vampire’s mouth. You shuddered when Zero used his tongue to capture as much blood as possible from your generous veins, sucking the satisfying drug into his system. He hummed, the vibration in his throat undulating onto your skin and making you shiver in an uncontrollable way. You sniffed as a burning sensation rushed to your eyes and gathered behind your closed eyelids. “Zero…” You breathed out, suddenly feeling lightheaded as the young man went on devouring your blood.

Your hands grew numb and your arms shook uncontrollably as you no longer could use them to support your body. Zero seemed to notice that when he felt your hands trembling against his thigh. Without changing his position, Zero brought his hands to your own and wrapped your clenched fists with his large palms. Ever so gently, he pulled your hands up and brought them to rest on his shoulders, giving you wordless instructions to lean on him for support. Though reluctant, you allowed your fingers to curl at Zero’s broad shoulders, feeling his muscles shifting occasionally underneath his blazer.

Zero held onto your upper arms, keeping you close to him while continuing to feast slowly on the crimson life-stream that was being pumped through your veins. You could sense his breathing gradually slowing down to a steady pace and his stiff muscles relaxing as he satiated his hunger with the rich texture of your blood.

For the first time in so long, he felt satisfied; he had missed the feeling of not having his throat constantly burning like thorns set on fire and his chest aching with a stifling pressure. As the first drop from your blood had touched his tasting papillae, he knew that it was the best he had tasted in a while. To say the least… it was different from anything and everything else that had entered his system… and he hated how he loved it.

He hated the fact that he had succumbed to his infernal needs… the fact that he was the first to scar the untouched skin of your neck. In all honesty, he didn’t know how to feel in regards to this whole occurrence. He felt both ashamed and honored to be the one to whom you had willingly offered your blood – and it baffled him how these two contradictory emotions managed to proclaim their presence at the same time.

To you, it wasn’t too different when it came to contradiction; you had mixed emotions apropos the fact of having this very handsome young man – whom you couldn’t help but develop a liking for – holding you close and attacking your innocent flesh. The closeness that the two of you were sharing sent tingles across your body, rendering you aflutter at his actions, the blunt ones as well as the timid ones. However, you still could not comprehend how, even when your very core was quaking with fear, you had deliberately come walking back to Zero and offered your blood to him as if he owned it. You wished you could push him away or pull yourself out of his hold, but you found yourself as still as a statue between his arms.

It wasn’t merely a physical paralysis that had struck you – it seemed like even your thinking abilities had ceased operating the way they should. Contrary to what a prey would do at the sight of a hungry predator, you had disregarded all reason, completely, and had surrendered yourself to the protruding fangs of this vampire.

But even so, even when you were the prey, you loved how close you were held to him. You loved his touch, the way his slender fingers wrapped lightly around your clothed arms, how his parched lips tasted the sweet aroma of your skin. You loved his hesitancy as well as his confidence, his shyness and his bluntness, his fragility and his strength… you loved his tender care…

You loved him…

Yes… there couldn’t be a reason for you to come back to him and give him consent to drink from your blood other than the fact that you loved him. That was a thing that did not occur to you as a fruitage of a chance, but you came to conclude with the course of time; it’s a thing you understood from the way your face would light up at the sight of the young man, the way your visage would ignite in an ardent blush when his eyes would meet yours, the way your body would shiver every time his hand would accidently touch your skin. It was a given that your heart would end up beating only for the handsome man, and you knew that from the start.

And it wasn’t some wild infatuation that you had… it was real… it was different. You hadn’t known many facets of love during the years of your young life; loving a parent was a thing. Loving a sibling was a different thing…

But loving someone to the point of having your heart tremble with all sorts of emotions is an entirely different story – something you hadn’t experienced until Zero came into the picture. The more time you had spent with him, the more attached you became, and before you knew it you grew feelings for him…

You fell in love with him.

**********

Zero heaved a breath, leaning back with his head against the bookcase and his orbs concealed behind their eyelids. His breath had already slowed down to its usual pace and his body didn’t ache as much as it had done minutes ago. Slowly, he opened his lavender-hued eyes and looked distantly at the high ceiling of the library. It was dark, his surroundings catching only a sliver of the faint light coming from the very end of the aisle; it was also silent… too silent to the point that he had almost forgotten about the presence of the Kain daughter at his side.

At remembering the occurrences from a few minutes ago, Zero cast his eyes downwards, feeling suddenly ashamed of what he had done. Wordlessly, he turned his head to the side to gaze at your fragile form, and his eyes softened at seeing you curled weakly against the bookcase with your face hidden between your folded arms. He nearly wished he hadn’t looked at you, for the sight of you gave rise to his guilt and caused a painful feeling to settle in the innermost chambers of his heart. Though it was barely noticeable, he could see you shaking a little as you held your knees closer to your chest. But another thing that was a lot more conspicuous caught his eyes: deep red spots marred the once-perfect skin of your neck, with droplets of blood oozing from them.

He couldn’t believe he was the one who had driven his fangs into the side of your neck and drunk from your blood until satisfaction! He couldn’t believe he had been selfish enough to do such a thing!

Hesitantly, he raised his arm and reached for you, placing his hand carefully on your shoulder. “_______?” He breathed.

Despite its halting nature, his gentle touch was enough to startle you; a short gasp slipped from between your lips and it was able to reach the young man’s ears. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Still adamant on concealing your face from his now-lilac-colored eyes, you nodded your head and forced your reply out: “I’m fine.”

However, the quiver in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by Zero. Only after your utterance did it become obvious to him that you were sobbing, and he immediately felt his ribcage contracting until his heart could no longer fit within. He inched closer to you and with a concerned look evident on his face, he asked: “I… hurt you… didn’t I?”

The worry was apparent in his voice, but you still couldn’t find the courage to face him yet. “I’m… I’m okay…” you sniffed, your voice sounding muffled.

“_______, look at me.” Zero requested, his fingers pressing gently at your shoulder. But you did not move, choosing to remain in your hunched position.

At your lack of response, Zero leaned closer and spoke in a more endearing tone: “Lift up your head… please…”

Releasing a silent breath, you complied and raised your head up, but kept your teary eyes locked to the floor. A crease appeared on Zero’s brow at seeing the mist coating your orbs and it bugged him greatly. Not breaking his gaze away from you, Zero lifted his hand and fixed a lock of your hair behind your ear. “I am sorry… terribly sorry…” He pressed his lips together regrettably, “I shouldn’t have…” he sighed heavily, not finding the words to speak.

You shook your head and, with a small smile, you worked on wiping away the remainder of tears. “It’s alright. I’m fine.” You reassured him. Though sceptic, Zero lowered his gaze and withdrew his hand, settling it over his lap.

Time elapsed as the two of you sat there on the cold marble floor and allowed the silence to wrap you in its heavy cloak. You tried not to think of what had just been revealed to you, about the true identity of your friend Zero, but you couldn’t help the thought that kept finding its way to your mind: the red color of his irises, the sharpness of his fangs, the cold touch of his fingers… it all sounded so unreal to you, yet you couldn’t deny the reality of what had developed a short while ago.

You glanced hesitantly at Zero who had been sitting motionlessly in his place, then hurriedly pulled your sight back to the ground. Wrapping your arms around your knees, you opened your mouth to speak, with the intention to break the prevailing stillness. “So… you’re a vampire…”

As if shaken out of the deadly silence, Zero snapped his gaze in your direction, but seeing the calm look on your face, he understood that your unvoiced question should be answered. Letting out a breath, he opened his mouth to speak: “I think you deserve an explanation… at least.”

Yet again, he found himself drowning in silence, for he did not know where to begin his story. He knew, though, that his silence was not going to answer your confusion, so he took a deep breath and decided to start from the very beginning… the beginning of the infamous Zero Kiryu.

“Alright,” he muttered, looking ahead into empty air, “I come from a family of hunters, the Kiryus. I lived with my mom, my dad, and… my brother Ichiru. We lived in a big house, deep in the woods, secluded from others. My parents were very strong hunters… Vampire Hunters. They were known for their individual skills as well as their efficient teamwork. They were fierce, absolutely powerful. But to me? They were the best parents anyone could have.”

The uncharacteristic break in his voice made you tilt your head to look at him. From the softness of his tone and the longing in his eyes, you could discern how dearly he had held his family to his heart. You kept gazing at the calm profile of Zero’s face as he resumed: “My father was a bit strict, but at the same time… very loving and protective. He was always my role model. Always wanted to become like him.

“My mother…” he paused for a second, allowing a gentle smile to manifest on his lips at the mentioning of the first and greatest woman in his life: “She was beautiful. Kind and caring. A great cook too. She used to make the best vegetable soup ever…” he added with a chuckle, and you found yourself responding to it with a small smile.

“And my twin brother…” he sighed, “well… he looked just like me. Actually, more like a… nicer version of me.” Zero glanced at you to find the smile delineating your lips before turning his sight back to the floor. “We weren’t a perfect family, true. But… a family nonetheless. A happy family.” He whispered, keeping his gaze trained to the ground.

“Until that one night… when everything changed…” you held your breath when you saw the expression on Zero’s face changing as a subtle frown appeared on his brow. The longing and love that had been showing so transparently on his face were promptly replaced by the expressions of anger and devastation. “It all happened so quickly, it seemed like a bad dream… a nightmare that haunts me to this very day. That fateful night… I will never forget it.” Zero swallowed the lump that clung to his throat, suddenly feeling disturbed by the mere memories of that night as if their occurrences had taken place just the day before.

“A Pureblood assaulted our house... it was a cold and moonless night, I remember it very well. My parents were quick to defend us. I was watching from inside the house as our parents fought the vampires to protect us." He absentmindedly bit the inside of his mouth, as if that could shake him out of the nightmare which was more real than anything else in his life. "The vampire was led by a hateful vengeance. My parents were soon overpowered... I... I couldn't do anything..." he stared down at his palms, "I was supposed to be the next Kiryu... but I still... couldn't do anything." He closed his hands into tight fists and scowled at them as in scolding them for being the reason for his failure.

"Just like that... I lost everything... I lost the only people I cared for and loved. Just like that... I lost myself..." Zero shook his head slowly and brought a hand to the side of his neck. "For some reason, the pureblood chose not to kill me... but, how I wish they did. Instead, they... they turned me into... this." He spat, pointing generally at himself.

You blinked, casting your gaze toward the uninteresting floor. “I’m sorry…” you muttered in a soughing whisper.

Zero shook his head. “Mr. Cross took me in soon after, allowing me to stay here in the Academy.” His hand that was latching onto the left side of his neck slid from its place, re-exposing the star-like tattoo with its outline no longer glowing in a vermilion blaze, but falling back into a fair contrast with the ivory of his skin. “I don’t even know why he entrusted it to me… but he gave me this…” he paused, sliding his hand underneath his blazer. After a moment of hesitation, he withdrew his arm, revealing what was occupying his hand: a handgun, with a metallic frame and a wooden handle. Its silvern surface barely reflected the wane light coming from the distance, but its appearance was more than capable to cause a chill to crawl up your spine.

Your body stiffened and your eyes widened at the sight of the weapon in Zero’s possession, instantly recognizing the undeniable threat its mere presence could pose. Only when Zero had opened his mouth again did you break your stare from the gun, turning your eyes back to the young man. “Do you know what this is?” He asked.

The name ‘Bloody Rose’ which was engraved neatly on the smooth surface of the gun provided only a portion of the answer, but you couldn’t find a response to Zero’s question, be it verbal or physical. You simply sat there, eyes trained on his profile, awaiting the answer to his own question. As though he hadn’t been expecting a reply of any sort on your part, Zero continued: “This is the Bloody Rose, a special weapon forged for a sole purpose: to kill vampires… something a regular weapon fails to do.”

You gulped; the idea of being in the presence of a Hunter who held enough power to eliminate whatever foe stood in his path… it would have been an understatement to say that it made you shiver in intimidation. To actually have the ability to terminate a vampire’s life? That was ultimate power that not just anyone could handle… but this young man could. Honestly, you didn’t know whether to feel safe or scared around him anymore.

“Do you remember the time when I had promised you that I will protect you from any vampire?” Zero asked while keeping his empty gaze fixated on the gun between his hands. You nodded, although reluctantly.

“Well… I wouldn’t have been able to promise you that had it not been for my possession of the Bloody Rose. It’s by means of which I can really say that I am a Hunter.”

Your eyes darted from Zero’s face to the gun that occupied his hands then back to him. Your lips parted, feeling oddly dry, and you tried to speak for the first time after a long silence, though your voice did sound weak even to your own ears. “Have… have you used it?” you questioned.

Zero looked sideways at you, quickly noticing the panic that had risen to your face despite your attempts to mask it. A moment later, he turned his face away with a downcast look to his eyes, and he scoffed, more like at himself than anything else. “What do you think?”

You gulped, directing your gaze elsewhere than at him. You couldn’t possibly digest the fact that the calm and collected Zero whom you had grown close to had his hands already drenched in vampire blood. He had actually killed vampires – how many, you didn’t know – while you still couldn’t live down your act of once stabbing a vampire elder in the shoulder. Yet again, you had to remind yourself that Zero was a Hunter; he was born to be one. Therefore, it was rather his duty, his responsibility to rid the human society of rogue vampires. He was simply doing his job, whether he liked it or not.

“I gave a promise…” his hoarse voice regained your attention, “I will avenge their deaths. I will free the world of this sinful plague, even if that meant killing the last of them.” Although his voice was small and seemingly weak, the intensity manifest in his eyes could mirror all the hate and anger that he harbored for those who had turned his life a misery.

You sat quietly in your place, looking warily at the strained expression on Zero’s face. You couldn’t help the ache that tugged at your heart at seeing Zero in a state so vulnerable; he was indeed stronger than you could ever have imagined him to be… yet, at that moment, all you could see was a broken and pained Zero. You wanted to speak, but you feared that your words would anger or repulse him.

However, his previous statement regarding killing all vampires replayed itself in your mind. Your next utterance came out hesitant, but you knew that it was imperative. It had to be said…

“But… Zero…” you paused, looking intently for a reaction on the young man’s part, “you are a vampire.”

You had never understood how silence could be “deafening”, until that very moment; though it wasn’t the silence itself that had rendered you almost deaf, but rather the thumping beats of your heart that would sound dangerously loud only in a stillness such as this.

Zero’s eyes widened in the slightest after hearing your statement, and with nothing but shock marking his handsome features, he turned his sight to you, dark pupils peering into your own. Air froze in your chest, as if your lungs had suddenly forgotten how to operate properly, but you failed somehow to break the eye contact as you slowly lost yourself in the seemingly placid waters of his lavender pools. You did not know how or when he would react to your words, but for some reason you did not care…

The young man who was looking back at you at that moment, the person that your eyes were beholding… that was the real Zero Kiryu. With no façades, no masks, no veneer… it wasn’t Zero the Vampire, nor Zero the Hunter. It was the genuine and pure face of Zero, the Child. Perhaps he had let his guard down, or probably no longer saw the need to put up the face of strength before your sight… but either way, you saw him. For the first time since you had met him, he looked… transparent. You could see his real person in all its honesty.

Realizing how open he had become before your eyes, Zero directed his sight away from you, looking down at the unrivalled weapon in his hands. He blinked his sleep-deprived eyes, and after slumping his shoulders in defeat, he let a low chuckle rumble in his throat, though it did not sound humored in the least. He nodded his head slowly, allowing a pitiful, even mocking smile to show on his lips. “You have no idea…” his voice croaked as he spoke, “how many times I have tried to just end it all…” his words faded in the air as he caressed the shiny metal of the handgun with his thumbs.

You had to catch a gasp from slipping through your lips after hearing Zero’s confession, but the painful sensation that erupted in your chest was something you couldn’t control. You never doubted that, despite him coming across as emotionless to most, Zero possessed feelings so profound, not many could understand. But to be so broken to the point of actually entertaining harmful thoughts? Suicidal thoughts? That was something you couldn’t possibly bear.

“Zero…” you whispered, still struck by what he had said.

“I had tried…” he continued in a voice so hollow you couldn’t believe it belonged to him, “but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, but I recoil at the very last moment.” He eyed the Bloody Rose as if it was the thin line that signified both his life and his death. “I am not scared of death… if anything, it would relieve me of all this pain… but I always end up remembering them. If I died, who will bring them justice? Who will avenge them?”

Your face contorted as you listened to Zero… He’s living now… only for them… for their memory…

“I don’t deserve this life… not when theirs was ripped away from them. But I shall continue to live, until their right is gratified. For now, their blood is not avenged, so I cannot die just yet…”

“And you shouldn’t!” You interrupted, finally finding the courage in your voice. Turning toward him, you looked directly into his face and said: “You can’t end it all just like that! Our lives do not belong to us. They were granted… by people who loved us. It would be a waste to let this life slip away so easily.” Zero’s gaze had, at some point, broken away from the death tool held in his hand and he turned to look at you, a burdened look to his eyes.

“Our lives are not perfect, I know… they can be painful even. But life is still a gift, when you treat it as such. Even with its ups and downs, it is still beautiful. We keep sweet memories of people we loved, we let new people, good friends come into our lives and we learn to love them just as much… we make this life beautiful.” You paused, noting that Zero was – silently – following your every word with all attentiveness. You sighed gently and asked: “let’s say that you were able to avenge your family’s death and to carry out that purpose to the very end. Would you still end it all after all of it is done? Will you then be satisfied with life?”

At your questioning, Zero’s gaze wavered and he turned his head away in shame. Receiving nothing but silence on the part of your silver-haired friend, you leaned in closer and spoke in a tone barely higher than a whisper: “You told me that day, that sometimes, you feel like Ichiru still lives inside of you, like his heart is beating still in your chest. Right?” Zero only blinked, remaining silent to your question.

“How will his heart continue beating..? How will his memory live on when the only person remembering him is dead?”

Zero pressed his lips together as a distressed look etched at his features; he felt guilty for not giving any consideration to the memory that was bound to be completely wiped out of existence had he remained adamant on drawing the end line to his life.

“You don’t want to live for yourself?” You let out a quiet breath, “That’s fine. But… live your life for the sake of those whom you love. They deserve that much at least. Right?”

Zero remained still, apparently in deep thought, before nodding his head reluctantly.

“Promise me,” you sought, compelling Zero to turn his attention back to your glittering orbs, “promise me that you’ll live, even when hard times come.”

The young man held your hopeful gaze with his calm ones, and his chest tightened at the sight of your eyes brimming with unshed tears. He wasn’t really looking forward to any more “hard times” in his life, but how could he refuse a selfless request from the girl who wanted nothing more than for him to live his life purposefully?

Without giving consent to his lips to speak, he found himself responding to you in a voice so meager, he wondered whether you could hear it. “I promise.”

An immediate smile regained its natural place on your lips: “That’s better!”

Zero allowed a low chuckle to rumble in his throat: “Look at you, being yourself as if nothing had just happened.”

You blinked in confusion: “What do you mean?”

“Here you are, trying to comfort me when I had just drunk from your blood.” Said Zero, his penetrating gaze pinned to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Indeed, you had not forgotten the fact that Zero is a vampire nor did you dismiss the stinging marks that were left permanently on the silk of your neck; but the uncharacteristic vulnerability that had displayed itself in the person of this young man helped you descry, not Zero the Vampire, but Zero the Human.

“Here’s one thing I don’t understand…” continued Zero, “you once said that you hate vampires… all of them. What are you still doing here then? You should have run away, without even looking back.” He flattened his palm against the hard floor and leaned closer: “What if I wound up turning like one of them?”

“You won’t,” was your swift but confident answer. Though you felt like your heart was about to jump right out of its place as Zero’s eyes kept searching into your own, you succeeded in holding his steady gaze without having to look away. You attempted to banish the quiver that threatened to interlace with your voice as you spoke: “I’m aware… I’m aware that you hate yourself for being who you are… and that you keep blaming yourself for things you didn’t even do. But you did not choose to be like this. This is something you cannot control. Yet, this is where you differ from them. You still try to control yourself even when you know you can’t. And honestly, this in itself gives me enough proof, enough faith that you are a great person. I trust you… Zero.”

Zero shook his head: “’Trust’ is a big word.”

You smiled: “Well then, ‘trust’ me. I know how and when to use my words.”

This caused a lop-sided smile to appear on Zero’s lips.

“Come to think about it,” you paused, tilting your head a little to better catch what little the wane light had accentuated of Zero’s face, “my brother seems to trust you too.”

A solemn look settled on the young man’s face after hearing your statement, and he stared into your eyes for a short while before directing his sight downwards. “Maybe he shouldn’t have.”

“Zero, I’m sure Akatsuki knows. He knows who you are. He could have hastened to take me as far away from you as possible, or he could have at least warned me about you… but he didn’t. And I know how protective my brother can be. Zero, my brother has entrusted me to you. He trusted you enough to keep me here… in your care.”

“That’s why I sai-…”

“And I’m glad he did.” You finalized, a gentle smile embellishing your young features. “I’m glad I stayed.”

Zero’s look was calm as he raised it back to you… it wasn’t as burdened as it had appeared just minutes ago. Relief was beginning to show on his face and, for the first time in a while, an easy smile managed to find its place on his lips. He nodded his head slowly, not attempting to conceal his smile.

“Hey,” he breathed, keeping his gentle gaze fixated on the soft glimmer of your eyes, “thanks.”

You simply chuckled and dropped your gaze to your lap.

“Speaking of trust,” his voice sounded again, drawing your attention back to him, “can I trust you to… to keep this between us?”

Your lips stretched into a wider smile: “I won’t tell anyone about this. I promise.”

Zero was hesitant for a second, but then he asked: “What… what about your brother?”

You shook your head: “He doesn’t have to know.”

“I’m sorry that you have to do this…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” You patted his shoulder. “It’ll be our little secret.”

Zero chuckled and shook his head, sliding the Bloody Rose back inside his blazer. “It’s pretty late,” he pointed out, “we have class tomorrow. You should at least get some sleep.”

You agreed to his suggestion with a nod. Zero pushed himself off the marbled floor and stood onto his feet. He turned to you and, without a word, stretched out his arm toward you, silently offering you to take his hand.

You didn’t know why, but something about his gesture caused an inexplicable warmth to ignite under your skin, blooming like rosy blossoms on your cheeks. Shyly, you raised your hand and rested it on top of the man’s awaiting palm, allowing it to be wrapped in the tender care of his fingers. Zero tugged gently at your hand, slowly pulling you up from your seating position.

“Thank you.” You all but whispered, suddenly realizing how hard it had become to find your breath. Wishing you could magically disappear from before Zero’s overwhelming presence and the effect it had on you, you turned on your heel and went to walk out of the aisle, but the tightening of Zero’s grip at your hand compelled you to turn back to face him. You had been so captured in the young man’s charm that you had actually forgotten your hand being trapped in his grasp.

You stared at his lilac-hued eyes with a mixture of puzzlement and timidity, but the atypical look in his eyes was more than sufficient to evoke the blush that dusted your cheeks. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he looked hesitant… at some point, his eyes had avoided your own, darting between your entwined hands and the floor, as though he was embarrassed. His fingers had loosened their hold of your hand, yet they did not let them slide completely from around your soft skin. His lips parted a little then closed in a repetitive fashion, as he could not find the order in which he should arrange his words.

Finally, he raised his eyes and met your inquisitive gaze. His faint voice reached your ears in a melodic tone that was able to play with the very strings of your fluttering heart. “I… I am glad that you stayed… too…”

It was at that moment that you found yourself regretting your stay at the Academy… for just then you realized that you have fallen far too deep for the vampire… so far beyond return.

              To Be Continued…

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Chapter XIV – A Different Facet of Love

“I’m really sorry…” Whispered Zero, the pad of his thumb stopping at your elbow. A whimper slipped from between your lips at the feeling of Zero’s dry lips hovering over the side of your neck and you squeezed your eyes shut when you sensed him opening his mouth, breathing heavily over your sensitive skin. Zero’s parted lips grazed your neck as if trying to examine the exquisite feel of your flesh and his eyelids closed as your velvety skin met his sinful lips.

Time seemed to stop there as you waited for Zero to sink his incisors in your neck and you simply held your breath, scared to make the slightest move.

Despite your stance of expectation, the feeling of something sharp pressing against your neck made your hair stand on end. You gasped and your body stiffened when Zero bit into your neck, allowing his pointy fangs to pierce your unadulterated skin. Instantly upon breaking your flesh, Zero sensed your heated blood seeping from the newly-inflicted wound and rushing into his awaiting mouth.

Oh, how he loved it.

As if pleading to taste more, he drove his sharp incisors deeper into your skin, adding more pressure into his bite. Pained by Zero’s actions, you whimpered and clenched your hands into fists over the dark fabric of Zero’s trousers, feeling the blood flowing from your throbbing veins and into the vampire’s mouth. You shuddered when Zero used his tongue to capture as much blood as possible from your generous veins, sucking the satisfying drug into his system. He hummed, the vibration in his throat undulating onto your skin and making you shiver in an uncontrollable way. You sniffed as a burning sensation rushed to your eyes and gathered behind your closed eyelids. “Zero…” You breathed out, suddenly feeling lightheaded as the young man went on devouring your blood.

Your hands grew numb and your arms shook uncontrollably as you no longer could use them to support your body. Zero seemed to notice that when he felt your hands trembling against his thigh. Without changing his position, Zero brought his hands to your own and wrapped your clenched fists with his large palms. Ever so gently, he pulled your hands up and brought them to rest on his shoulders, giving you wordless instructions to lean on him for support. Though reluctant, you allowed your fingers to curl at Zero’s broad shoulders, feeling his muscles shifting occasionally underneath his blazer.

Zero held onto your upper arms, keeping you close to him while continuing to feast slowly on the crimson life-stream that was being pumped through your veins. You could sense his breathing gradually slowing down to a steady pace and his stiff muscles relaxing as he satiated his hunger with the rich texture of your blood.

For the first time in so long, he felt satisfied; he had missed the feeling of not having his throat constantly burning like thorns set on fire and his chest aching with a stifling pressure. As the first drop from your blood had touched his tasting papillae, he knew that it was the best he had tasted in a while. To say the least… it was different from anything and everything else that had entered his system… and he hated how he loved it.

He hated the fact that he had succumbed to his infernal needs… the fact that he was the first to scar the untouched skin of your neck. In all honesty, he didn’t know how to feel in regards to this whole occurrence. He felt both ashamed and honored to be the one to whom you had willingly offered your blood – and it baffled him how these two contradictory emotions managed to proclaim their presence at the same time.

To you, it wasn’t too different when it came to contradiction; you had mixed emotions apropos the fact of having this very handsome young man – whom you couldn’t help but develop a liking for – holding you close and attacking your innocent flesh. The closeness that the two of you were sharing sent tingles across your body, rendering you aflutter at his actions, the blunt ones as well as the timid ones. However, you still could not comprehend how, even when your very core was quaking with fear, you had deliberately come walking back to Zero and offered your blood to him as if he owned it. You wished you could push him away or pull yourself out of his hold, but you found yourself as still as a statue between his arms.

It wasn’t merely a physical paralysis that had struck you – it seemed like even your thinking abilities had ceased operating the way they should. Contrary to what a prey would do at the sight of a hungry predator, you had disregarded all reason, completely, and had surrendered yourself to the protruding fangs of this vampire.

But even so, even when you were the prey, you loved how close you were held to him. You loved his touch, the way his slender fingers wrapped lightly around your clothed arms, how his parched lips tasted the sweet aroma of your skin. You loved his hesitancy as well as his confidence, his shyness and his bluntness, his fragility and his strength… you loved his tender care…

You loved him…

Yes… there couldn’t be a reason for you to come back to him and give him consent to drink from your blood other than the fact that you loved him. That was a thing that did not occur to you as a fruitage of a chance, but you came to conclude with the course of time; it’s a thing you understood from the way your face would light up at the sight of the young man, the way your visage would ignite in an ardent blush when his eyes would meet yours, the way your body would shiver every time his hand would accidently touch your skin. It was a given that your heart would end up beating only for the handsome man, and you knew that from the start.

And it wasn’t some wild infatuation that you had… it was real… it was different. You hadn’t known many facets of love during the years of your young life; loving a parent was a thing. Loving a sibling was a different thing…

But loving someone to the point of having your heart tremble with all sorts of emotions is an entirely different story – something you hadn’t experienced until Zero came into the picture. The more time you had spent with him, the more attached you became, and before you knew it you grew feelings for him…

You fell in love with him.

**********

Zero heaved a breath, leaning back with his head against the bookcase and his orbs concealed behind their eyelids. His breath had already slowed down to its usual pace and his body didn’t ache as much as it had done minutes ago. Slowly, he opened his lavender-hued eyes and looked distantly at the high ceiling of the library. It was dark, his surroundings catching only a sliver of the faint light coming from the very end of the aisle; it was also silent… too silent to the point that he had almost forgotten about the presence of the Kain daughter at his side.

At remembering the occurrences from a few minutes ago, Zero cast his eyes downwards, feeling suddenly ashamed of what he had done. Wordlessly, he turned his head to the side to gaze at your fragile form, and his eyes softened at seeing you curled weakly against the bookcase with your face hidden between your folded arms. He nearly wished he hadn’t looked at you, for the sight of you gave rise to his guilt and caused a painful feeling to settle in the innermost chambers of his heart. Though it was barely noticeable, he could see you shaking a little as you held your knees closer to your chest. But another thing that was a lot more conspicuous caught his eyes: deep red spots marred the once-perfect skin of your neck, with droplets of blood oozing from them.

He couldn’t believe he was the one who had driven his fangs into the side of your neck and drunk from your blood until satisfaction! He couldn’t believe he had been selfish enough to do such a thing!

Hesitantly, he raised his arm and reached for you, placing his hand carefully on your shoulder. “_______?” He breathed.

Despite its halting nature, his gentle touch was enough to startle you; a short gasp slipped from between your lips and it was able to reach the young man’s ears. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Still adamant on concealing your face from his now-lilac-colored eyes, you nodded your head and forced your reply out: “I’m fine.”

However, the quiver in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by Zero. Only after your utterance did it become obvious to him that you were sobbing, and he immediately felt his ribcage contracting until his heart could no longer fit within. He inched closer to you and with a concerned look evident on his face, he asked: “I… hurt you… didn’t I?”

The worry was apparent in his voice, but you still couldn’t find the courage to face him yet. “I’m… I’m okay…” you sniffed, your voice sounding muffled.

“_______, look at me.” Zero requested, his fingers pressing gently at your shoulder. But you did not move, choosing to remain in your hunched position.

At your lack of response, Zero leaned closer and spoke in a more endearing tone: “Lift up your head… please…”

Releasing a silent breath, you complied and raised your head up, but kept your teary eyes locked to the floor. A crease appeared on Zero’s brow at seeing the mist coating your orbs and it bugged him greatly. Not breaking his gaze away from you, Zero lifted his hand and fixed a lock of your hair behind your ear. “I am sorry… terribly sorry…” He pressed his lips together regrettably, “I shouldn’t have…” he sighed heavily, not finding the words to speak.

You shook your head and, with a small smile, you worked on wiping away the remainder of tears. “It’s alright. I’m fine.” You reassured him. Though sceptic, Zero lowered his gaze and withdrew his hand, settling it over his lap.

Time elapsed as the two of you sat there on the cold marble floor and allowed the silence to wrap you in its heavy cloak. You tried not to think of what had just been revealed to you, about the true identity of your friend Zero, but you couldn’t help the thought that kept finding its way to your mind: the red color of his irises, the sharpness of his fangs, the cold touch of his fingers… it all sounded so unreal to you, yet you couldn’t deny the reality of what had developed a short while ago.

You glanced hesitantly at Zero who had been sitting motionlessly in his place, then hurriedly pulled your sight back to the ground. Wrapping your arms around your knees, you opened your mouth to speak, with the intention to break the prevailing stillness. “So… you’re a vampire…”

As if shaken out of the deadly silence, Zero snapped his gaze in your direction, but seeing the calm look on your face, he understood that your unvoiced question should be answered. Letting out a breath, he opened his mouth to speak: “I think you deserve an explanation… at least.”

Yet again, he found himself drowning in silence, for he did not know where to begin his story. He knew, though, that his silence was not going to answer your confusion, so he took a deep breath and decided to start from the very beginning… the beginning of the infamous Zero Kiryu.

“Alright,” he muttered, looking ahead into empty air, “I come from a family of hunters, the Kiryus. I lived with my mom, my dad, and… my brother Ichiru. We lived in a big house, deep in the woods, secluded from others. My parents were very strong hunters… Vampire Hunters. They were known for their individual skills as well as their efficient teamwork. They were fierce, absolutely powerful. But to me? They were the best parents anyone could have.”

The uncharacteristic break in his voice made you tilt your head to look at him. From the softness of his tone and the longing in his eyes, you could discern how dearly he had held his family to his heart. You kept gazing at the calm profile of Zero’s face as he resumed: “My father was a bit strict, but at the same time… very loving and protective. He was always my role model. Always wanted to become like him.

“My mother…” he paused for a second, allowing a gentle smile to manifest on his lips at the mentioning of the first and greatest woman in his life: “She was beautiful. Kind and caring. A great cook too. She used to make the best vegetable soup ever…” he added with a chuckle, and you found yourself responding to it with a small smile.

“And my twin brother…” he sighed, “well… he looked just like me. Actually, more like a… nicer version of me.” Zero glanced at you to find the smile delineating your lips before turning his sight back to the floor. “We weren’t a perfect family, true. But… a family nonetheless. A happy family.” He whispered, keeping his gaze trained to the ground.

“Until that one night… when everything changed…” you held your breath when you saw the expression on Zero’s face changing as a subtle frown appeared on his brow. The longing and love that had been showing so transparently on his face were promptly replaced by the expressions of anger and devastation. “It all happened so quickly, it seemed like a bad dream… a nightmare that haunts me to this very day. That fateful night… I will never forget it.” Zero swallowed the lump that clung to his throat, suddenly feeling disturbed by the mere memories of that night as if their occurrences had taken place just the day before.

“A Pureblood assaulted our house... it was a cold and moonless night, I remember it very well. My parents were quick to defend us. I was watching from inside the house as our parents fought the vampires to protect us." He absentmindedly bit the inside of his mouth, as if that could shake him out of the nightmare which was more real than anything else in his life. "The vampire was led by a hateful vengeance. My parents were soon overpowered... I... I couldn't do anything..." he stared down at his palms, "I was supposed to be the next Kiryu... but I still... couldn't do anything." He closed his hands into tight fists and scowled at them as in scolding them for being the reason for his failure.

"Just like that... I lost everything... I lost the only people I cared for and loved. Just like that... I lost myself..." Zero shook his head slowly and brought a hand to the side of his neck. "For some reason, the pureblood chose not to kill me... but, how I wish they did. Instead, they... they turned me into... this." He spat, pointing generally at himself.

You blinked, casting your gaze toward the uninteresting floor. “I’m sorry…” you muttered in a soughing whisper.

Zero shook his head. “Mr. Cross took me in soon after, allowing me to stay here in the Academy.” His hand that was latching onto the left side of his neck slid from its place, re-exposing the star-like tattoo with its outline no longer glowing in a vermilion blaze, but falling back into a fair contrast with the ivory of his skin. “I don’t even know why he entrusted it to me… but he gave me this…” he paused, sliding his hand underneath his blazer. After a moment of hesitation, he withdrew his arm, revealing what was occupying his hand: a handgun, with a metallic frame and a wooden handle. Its silvern surface barely reflected the wane light coming from the distance, but its appearance was more than capable to cause a chill to crawl up your spine.

Your body stiffened and your eyes widened at the sight of the weapon in Zero’s possession, instantly recognizing the undeniable threat its mere presence could pose. Only when Zero had opened his mouth again did you break your stare from the gun, turning your eyes back to the young man. “Do you know what this is?” He asked.

The name ‘Bloody Rose’ which was engraved neatly on the smooth surface of the gun provided only a portion of the answer, but you couldn’t find a response to Zero’s question, be it verbal or physical. You simply sat there, eyes trained on his profile, awaiting the answer to his own question. As though he hadn’t been expecting a reply of any sort on your part, Zero continued: “This is the Bloody Rose, a special weapon forged for a sole purpose: to kill vampires… something a regular weapon fails to do.”

You gulped; the idea of being in the presence of a Hunter who held enough power to eliminate whatever foe stood in his path… it would have been an understatement to say that it made you shiver in intimidation. To actually have the ability to terminate a vampire’s life? That was ultimate power that not just anyone could handle… but this young man could. Honestly, you didn’t know whether to feel safe or scared around him anymore.

“Do you remember the time when I had promised you that I will protect you from any vampire?” Zero asked while keeping his empty gaze fixated on the gun between his hands. You nodded, although reluctantly.

“Well… I wouldn’t have been able to promise you that had it not been for my possession of the Bloody Rose. It’s by means of which I can really say that I am a Hunter.”

Your eyes darted from Zero’s face to the gun that occupied his hands then back to him. Your lips parted, feeling oddly dry, and you tried to speak for the first time after a long silence, though your voice did sound weak even to your own ears. “Have… have you used it?” you questioned.

Zero looked sideways at you, quickly noticing the panic that had risen to your face despite your attempts to mask it. A moment later, he turned his face away with a downcast look to his eyes, and he scoffed, more like at himself than anything else. “What do you think?”

You gulped, directing your gaze elsewhere than at him. You couldn’t possibly digest the fact that the calm and collected Zero whom you had grown close to had his hands already drenched in vampire blood. He had actually killed vampires – how many, you didn’t know – while you still couldn’t live down your act of once stabbing a vampire elder in the shoulder. Yet again, you had to remind yourself that Zero was a Hunter; he was born to be one. Therefore, it was rather his duty, his responsibility to rid the human society of rogue vampires. He was simply doing his job, whether he liked it or not.

“I gave a promise…” his hoarse voice regained your attention, “I will avenge their deaths. I will free the world of this sinful plague, even if that meant killing the last of them.” Although his voice was small and seemingly weak, the intensity manifest in his eyes could mirror all the hate and anger that he harbored for those who had turned his life a misery.

You sat quietly in your place, looking warily at the strained expression on Zero’s face. You couldn’t help the ache that tugged at your heart at seeing Zero in a state so vulnerable; he was indeed stronger than you could ever have imagined him to be… yet, at that moment, all you could see was a broken and pained Zero. You wanted to speak, but you feared that your words would anger or repulse him.

However, his previous statement regarding killing all vampires replayed itself in your mind. Your next utterance came out hesitant, but you knew that it was imperative. It had to be said…

“But… Zero…” you paused, looking intently for a reaction on the young man’s part, “you are a vampire.”

You had never understood how silence could be “deafening”, until that very moment; though it wasn’t the silence itself that had rendered you almost deaf, but rather the thumping beats of your heart that would sound dangerously loud only in a stillness such as this.

Zero’s eyes widened in the slightest after hearing your statement, and with nothing but shock marking his handsome features, he turned his sight to you, dark pupils peering into your own. Air froze in your chest, as if your lungs had suddenly forgotten how to operate properly, but you failed somehow to break the eye contact as you slowly lost yourself in the seemingly placid waters of his lavender pools. You did not know how or when he would react to your words, but for some reason you did not care…

The young man who was looking back at you at that moment, the person that your eyes were beholding… that was the real Zero Kiryu. With no façades, no masks, no veneer… it wasn’t Zero the Vampire, nor Zero the Hunter. It was the genuine and pure face of Zero, the Child. Perhaps he had let his guard down, or probably no longer saw the need to put up the face of strength before your sight… but either way, you saw him. For the first time since you had met him, he looked… transparent. You could see his real person in all its honesty.

Realizing how open he had become before your eyes, Zero directed his sight away from you, looking down at the unrivalled weapon in his hands. He blinked his sleep-deprived eyes, and after slumping his shoulders in defeat, he let a low chuckle rumble in his throat, though it did not sound humored in the least. He nodded his head slowly, allowing a pitiful, even mocking smile to show on his lips. “You have no idea…” his voice croaked as he spoke, “how many times I have tried to just end it all…” his words faded in the air as he caressed the shiny metal of the handgun with his thumbs.

You had to catch a gasp from slipping through your lips after hearing Zero’s confession, but the painful sensation that erupted in your chest was something you couldn’t control. You never doubted that, despite him coming across as emotionless to most, Zero possessed feelings so profound, not many could understand. But to be so broken to the point of actually entertaining harmful thoughts? Suicidal thoughts? That was something you couldn’t possibly bear.

“Zero…” you whispered, still struck by what he had said.

“I had tried…” he continued in a voice so hollow you couldn’t believe it belonged to him, “but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, but I recoil at the very last moment.” He eyed the Bloody Rose as if it was the thin line that signified both his life and his death. “I am not scared of death… if anything, it would relieve me of all this pain… but I always end up remembering them. If I died, who will bring them justice? Who will avenge them?”

Your face contorted as you listened to Zero… He’s living now… only for them… for their memory…

“I don’t deserve this life… not when theirs was ripped away from them. But I shall continue to live, until their right is gratified. For now, their blood is not avenged, so I cannot die just yet…”

“And you shouldn’t!” You interrupted, finally finding the courage in your voice. Turning toward him, you looked directly into his face and said: “You can’t end it all just like that! Our lives do not belong to us. They were granted… by people who loved us. It would be a waste to let this life slip away so easily.” Zero’s gaze had, at some point, broken away from the death tool held in his hand and he turned to look at you, a burdened look to his eyes.

“Our lives are not perfect, I know… they can be painful even. But life is still a gift, when you treat it as such. Even with its ups and downs, it is still beautiful. We keep sweet memories of people we loved, we let new people, good friends come into our lives and we learn to love them just as much… we make this life beautiful.” You paused, noting that Zero was – silently – following your every word with all attentiveness. You sighed gently and asked: “let’s say that you were able to avenge your family’s death and to carry out that purpose to the very end. Would you still end it all after all of it is done? Will you then be satisfied with life?”

At your questioning, Zero’s gaze wavered and he turned his head away in shame. Receiving nothing but silence on the part of your silver-haired friend, you leaned in closer and spoke in a tone barely higher than a whisper: “You told me that day, that sometimes, you feel like Ichiru still lives inside of you, like his heart is beating still in your chest. Right?” Zero only blinked, remaining silent to your question.

“How will his heart continue beating..? How will his memory live on when the only person remembering him is dead?”

Zero pressed his lips together as a distressed look etched at his features; he felt guilty for not giving any consideration to the memory that was bound to be completely wiped out of existence had he remained adamant on drawing the end line to his life.

“You don’t want to live for yourself?” You let out a quiet breath, “That’s fine. But… live your life for the sake of those whom you love. They deserve that much at least. Right?”

Zero remained still, apparently in deep thought, before nodding his head reluctantly.

“Promise me,” you sought, compelling Zero to turn his attention back to your glittering orbs, “promise me that you’ll live, even when hard times come.”

The young man held your hopeful gaze with his calm ones, and his chest tightened at the sight of your eyes brimming with unshed tears. He wasn’t really looking forward to any more “hard times” in his life, but how could he refuse a selfless request from the girl who wanted nothing more than for him to live his life purposefully?

Without giving consent to his lips to speak, he found himself responding to you in a voice so meager, he wondered whether you could hear it. “I promise.”

An immediate smile regained its natural place on your lips: “That’s better!”

Zero allowed a low chuckle to rumble in his throat: “Look at you, being yourself as if nothing had just happened.”

You blinked in confusion: “What do you mean?”

“Here you are, trying to comfort me when I had just drunk from your blood.” Said Zero, his penetrating gaze pinned to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Indeed, you had not forgotten the fact that Zero is a vampire nor did you dismiss the stinging marks that were left permanently on the silk of your neck; but the uncharacteristic vulnerability that had displayed itself in the person of this young man helped you descry, not Zero the Vampire, but Zero the Human.

“Here’s one thing I don’t understand…” continued Zero, “you once said that you hate vampires… all of them. What are you still doing here then? You should have run away, without even looking back.” He flattened his palm against the hard floor and leaned closer: “What if I wound up turning like one of them?”

“You won’t,” was your swift but confident answer. Though you felt like your heart was about to jump right out of its place as Zero’s eyes kept searching into your own, you succeeded in holding his steady gaze without having to look away. You attempted to banish the quiver that threatened to interlace with your voice as you spoke: “I’m aware… I’m aware that you hate yourself for being who you are… and that you keep blaming yourself for things you didn’t even do. But you did not choose to be like this. This is something you cannot control. Yet, this is where you differ from them. You still try to control yourself even when you know you can’t. And honestly, this in itself gives me enough proof, enough faith that you are a great person. I trust you… Zero.”

Zero shook his head: “’Trust’ is a big word.”

You smiled: “Well then, ‘trust’ me. I know how and when to use my words.”

This caused a lop-sided smile to appear on Zero’s lips.

“Come to think about it,” you paused, tilting your head a little to better catch what little the wane light had accentuated of Zero’s face, “my brother seems to trust you too.”

A solemn look settled on the young man’s face after hearing your statement, and he stared into your eyes for a short while before directing his sight downwards. “Maybe he shouldn’t have.”

“Zero, I’m sure Akatsuki knows. He knows who you are. He could have hastened to take me as far away from you as possible, or he could have at least warned me about you… but he didn’t. And I know how protective my brother can be. Zero, my brother has entrusted me to you. He trusted you enough to keep me here… in your care.”

“That’s why I sai-…”

“And I’m glad he did.” You finalized, a gentle smile embellishing your young features. “I’m glad I stayed.”

Zero’s look was calm as he raised it back to you… it wasn’t as burdened as it had appeared just minutes ago. Relief was beginning to show on his face and, for the first time in a while, an easy smile managed to find its place on his lips. He nodded his head slowly, not attempting to conceal his smile.

“Hey,” he breathed, keeping his gentle gaze fixated on the soft glimmer of your eyes, “thanks.”

You simply chuckled and dropped your gaze to your lap.

“Speaking of trust,” his voice sounded again, drawing your attention back to him, “can I trust you to… to keep this between us?”

Your lips stretched into a wider smile: “I won’t tell anyone about this. I promise.”

Zero was hesitant for a second, but then he asked: “What… what about your brother?”

You shook your head: “He doesn’t have to know.”

“I’m sorry that you have to do this…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” You patted his shoulder. “It’ll be our little secret.”

Zero chuckled and shook his head, sliding the Bloody Rose back inside his blazer. “It’s pretty late,” he pointed out, “we have class tomorrow. You should at least get some sleep.”

You agreed to his suggestion with a nod. Zero pushed himself off the marbled floor and stood onto his feet. He turned to you and, without a word, stretched out his arm toward you, silently offering you to take his hand.

You didn’t know why, but something about his gesture caused an inexplicable warmth to ignite under your skin, blooming like rosy blossoms on your cheeks. Shyly, you raised your hand and rested it on top of the man’s awaiting palm, allowing it to be wrapped in the tender care of his fingers. Zero tugged gently at your hand, slowly pulling you up from your seating position.

“Thank you.” You all but whispered, suddenly realizing how hard it had become to find your breath. Wishing you could magically disappear from before Zero’s overwhelming presence and the effect it had on you, you turned on your heel and went to walk out of the aisle, but the tightening of Zero’s grip at your hand compelled you to turn back to face him. You had been so captured in the young man’s charm that you had actually forgotten your hand being trapped in his grasp.

You stared at his lilac-hued eyes with a mixture of puzzlement and timidity, but the atypical look in his eyes was more than sufficient to evoke the blush that dusted your cheeks. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he looked hesitant… at some point, his eyes had avoided your own, darting between your entwined hands and the floor, as though he was embarrassed. His fingers had loosened their hold of your hand, yet they did not let them slide completely from around your soft skin. His lips parted a little then closed in a repetitive fashion, as he could not find the order in which he should arrange his words.

Finally, he raised his eyes and met your inquisitive gaze. His faint voice reached your ears in a melodic tone that was able to play with the very strings of your fluttering heart. “I… I am glad that you stayed… too…”

It was at that moment that you found yourself regretting your stay at the Academy… for just then you realized that you have fallen far too deep for the vampire… so far beyond return.

              To Be Continued…