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Dan XDepressed!Reader: Comments

You've been dating Dan Howell, a.ka. Danisnotonfire, for over 3 months now. You were extremely happy about at the time—and still are—but you weren't prepared for the YouTube backlash. You're a YouTuber yourself, (YouTuber name), and you did expect to find some hate from you being with Dan. But you've been flooded with it ever since the dating announcement.

You haven't told Dan yet, but you're regretting not staying anything because the comments keep going up a level.

“Stay away from Dan.” “You don't deserve him.” “Why don't you give him back to Phil?” (A/N: Yes, Phan shippers hate you)

The worst ones are threats, verbal abuses, something you can not just brush off as jealousy. You got a comment from someone talking about how “You should just die, he'd be better off that way.” Somehow, no one has mentioned anything on Dan's channel, or his joint channel with Phil. It's all just directed to you.

You were constantly checking your gmail and got many people telling you they hated you. That you should leave. Maybe even with your life too. It's all getting to you too fast, flooding your thoughts, interrupting your amazing moments with Dan, even making you consider something drastic.

You started cutting. So much that you have to wear a jacket in your house, so neither Phil nor Dan see it. You started making sure Dan and Phil were out when you did it. You were careful not to let it show, the scars and your sadness. You weren't eating as much either.

You went to your laptop, trying not to sob because Dan was downstairs and could probably hear you. You checked the comments and there was more hate than ever. Your actual fans being drowned out by all of hate, death threats...it was spiraling out of control.

You went to the bathroom with a knife. You were sobbing so hard it hurt to even breathe, so nothing in yourself had any fight left to protect you from yourself. You pulled the blade quickly against your (non dominant) wrist again, and again. Blood start to pool around the wound, dripping down to your elbow then onto the floor. At the time, you didn't even think about the mess of blood you were making; you just kept cutting into your wrist until you felt lightheaded and dropped the bloody knife to the floor.

You didn't mean to cut so deep, but, judging by how drowsy you are, you've cut pretty bad. You stood up to wash it under the sink, but fell to your knees. You put a hand to your bleeding wrist in a lame attempt to stop the blood. Even though you needed the blade, you didn't want to die. You still loved Dan, and you didn't want him to find you this way.

You let another sob as the sadness came back full force, stopping you from getting up. You let go of your wrist and just watched it bleed for a few seconds, vision dark around the edges, when you heard someone pound upstairs.

“(Name)! What was that noise?!” It was Dan. Oh no, oh no...it was Dan. Panic hit you like a truck. You couldn't catch your breath suddenly, like you're lungs were being squeezed by something unknown. You rushed to get up, but it felt like all the blood rushed to your head at the sudden movement making you topple over to the sink, smearing it with blood.

“(Name), are you in the bathroom? Because the lights are on.” Dan said walking towards the bathroom and putting a hand on the knob—that you forgot to lock.

“Y-yeah, I-I'm...” You were trying to stutter out a response, but you just fell to the floor.

“(Name)??” Worry etched Dan's voice, and he turned the doorknob to open the door. You were too weak to yell, so you just let him come in. “(Name)? What's-?” His words cut off the moment he saw the blood...and you on the floor. “(NAME)?! What did you do?!” Dan said running to you.

Your eyes were dropping as Dan talked, so Dan's attention focused on your bleeding wrist against your white tank-top. Dan put a hand to the hem of the shirt he was wearing and took it off quickly, rushing to wrap it around your wrist. Dan put pressure against your wrist, not even caring about it being soaked through, and tears started to fall down his face.

“W-what did you do, (Name)? I thought you were happy. I thought you were happy with us and that everything was fine. What happened? Please, answer me.” Dan pleaded, tears falling out of his eyes.

You were weak, but you could answer and thought Dan deserved to know. “F-fans...y-your fans...hate...h-hate on...us...every...everyday.” You said coughing lightly.

“What?!” Dan was furious at his fans. Dan picked you up and sat you down on the toilet as a chair, then rushed over to the cabinet for gauges. “How long has this been going on?”

“C-cutting?”

“Yes, that, but also the bullying.” Dan said pulling out a long gauge from the cabinet. Dan unraveled the shirt around your arm and started to gentle wrap the gauge around your still bleeding wrist.

“A month for the cutting. Nearly three for the bullying.” You said as Dan went to grab a new shirt for both of you. You were gaining strength, and you silently thanked the universe for letting you stay. (A/N: Sorry, I'm trying not to be more giving to one religion or another.) You must have been quiet a sight, your eyes were red and you still looked you were about to cry, your arms marked up with blood, and only one wrist wrapped to stop its bleeding.

Dan pulled a black shirt over his head and handed you a gray tank top. You pulled off your white one and put on the gray one with only a little bit of shyness. “Come on.” Dan said holding his hand out for you, which you gladly took. He led you to the bed and you sat down expecting him to do the same, but he went over for a camera.

“Dan, what are you-?” You asked sniffling and rubbing your eyes, but you were cut off.

“Shh.” Dan set up the camera in front of the bed and sat on the edge, gesturing for you to sit next to him. “Time to teach my fans a little lesson about messing with my girlfriend.” Dan said pulling you up to the edge of the bed. You hugged him tightly, unable to look at the camera, as he turned it on.

“Hello, internet. I need to tell you something. (Name),” Dan said looking down at you. “Do you have something to show my fans?” Dan asked.

“Why do I have to show them?” You nearly sobbed into his shoulder.

“My viewers need to understand what they're words mean to you.” Dan said, trying not to let the tears in his eyes fall. You let out a chocked sob and forced yourself to sit upright and by yourself before holding out your wrist.

You sobbed hard and let Dan film your wrist as you looked harshly away from the camera, unable to look at the scars yourself. Dan gently took hold of them, especially gentle at the bandage one, and made you wince slightly. He stiffened at your wince, but quickly brought your wrists up to his mouth and very, very softly kissed them both.

You tried to get your wrist out of his grasps, to hide them, but he held strong. Not enough to hurt you, but enough to make sure you don't get out of the hold. He stopped looking at you and faced the camera. “Understand what you have done to her and to me. If I hadn't heard her, she would have bled out and it would have been all of YOUR faults. I don't know what you guys have been saying to her, but if anything is negative towards her ever again, then I will make sure you are blocked from both of our channels. If she ever does this again and she...succeeds...” Dan said the world with a wince. “Then I won't make any more videos. I'll stop them all. I don't care about your stupid pouting, I love (Name). And if you guys do anything to hurt her EVER again, then you will be dealing with me.” Dan said before turning off the camera.

You started to sob again the moment it was off and Dan pulled you into a tight hug. “I'm so sorry!” You sobbed out in a high pitched voice.

“No, no. It's ok, it's ok. I love you, (Name).” Dan said holding you tight and rubbing your back as you sob. “I love you...I love you so much.” Dan kept repeating in your ear until you tired yourself out a fell asleep in his strong arms.

Dan slowly and gently laid you down on your back and kissed your forehead. “The comments are stupid anyway...” Dan whispered out before laying down next to you.