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#32- Human Being
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You had been a member of the scouting legion ((or Survey Corps, whichever you wanna refer to it as)) for a few years now, not nearly as many as say Levi or Hanji, but long enough that Commander Erwin trusted you with full briefings of every mission. It was both something you were glad to have, but at the same time it caused a heavy burden on your heart. For not only were you in love with the commander, you also carried a dark secret. You were able to turn into a titan. You were a monster through and through, no matter how human you tried to make yourself seem on the outside. You couldn't let anyone know the truth of the matter, otherwise you'd be dead in an instant. You were sure of it.

~.~.~.~.~.

As your feet made contact with the ground once more after slaying another titan, you heard a voice call out from behind you, "Squad Leader (Name), we're turning back!" Looking behind you with a questioning look, you found it was one of your squad members landing beside you. "Orders from the Commander. The titans are heading south towards Wall Rose.." A sense of dread dawned on you. The last time you all had seen this occur was when Wall Maria fell along with the Shinganshina district. "Fuck..." You muttered under your breath. You looked up at the boy who was only slightly taller than you, "Alright then, let's find the others and get back to the horses. Quickly." He nodded in response and you both zipped off on the 3D Maneuver Gear to find the rest of your squad.

After successfully locating your squad members and making it safely back to your horses you all rushed back towards the wall with the rest of the Scouting Legion. Hopefully you would make it in time to stop the same events from repeating themselves. Though you would be lying if you didn't feel both relief and some apprehension when the wall came into view, towering over everything. Except when you arrived you felt the relief vanish and nervousness take it's place at the obvious gaping hole had been somehow sealed. No one had that kind of capability, at least not any human did anyway. You looked up as you saw Corporal Levi zip upwards to the top of the wall and disappear from sight. Of course you stayed on the ground and followed the Commander's orders as you all hurried to the nearest gate galloping along the edge of the wall, making sure to keep an eye out for titans along the way.

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Most everyone made it inside alright, the wounded were seen to and the rest that were able helped kill the remaining titans that roamed around the city. You were only just finally going to turn in your report to the commander which contained both your own and your squad's reports. Walking down the hall you could feel just how exhausted you were. You were glad you'd told your squad to rest for now and then help out after they rested some.

You stopped in front of the wooden door and gave three sharp knocks, waiting before entering after you heard the Commander's voice. You entered and made sure the door was shut behind you. As you turned forward you noted that the Commander was sitting at his desk like he normally did however Corporal Levi was also here and was leaning against the Commander's desk. The air around them seemed tense, making you doubt yourself, thinking maybe you should've waited to come by with your report. Levi moved himself away from the desk, looking back at Erwin and saying "We can talk more later tonight," before walking towards the door. You moved to the side so you were out of the way of the only exit.

Once the door had been shut behind the Corporal you turned back towards the Commander who seemed somewhat troubled by something. You walked over and held out your report, "Here you are sir.." He looked up, his face giving nothing away as normal, all hidden behind a fake smile. He took your report with a nod, "Thank you Squad Leader (Name)." The Commander placed on one of the stacks near him and then went back to work. You stood there for a few seconds in silence, working up the nerve to speak. He looked back up curiously when he realized you were still standing in front of his desk. "Um... Commander...sir. If it's not too bold of me to ask..but is there something bothering you, sir?" He stared, blinking a few times, before he chuckled.

Shaking his head he looked back up at you, "Not much gets past you huh, Sqaud Leader (Name)..." You hold your right wrist behind your back, hiding the nervousness you always felt in the Commander's presence. "Not necessarily so Commander, sir." You tried to put on a small smile, but you could feel the corner of your mouth twitching. He put his pen down and stood up from his chair.

'Oh shit. Did you do something wrong? What if he suspects? Oh god oh god... No. No. No, it's fine there's no way.....'

As these thoughts raced in your brain you forced your expression to remain calm and nuetral as the Commander came to stand at your 7 o'clock. He wasn't looking at you, but the air around him made you uncomfortable. "May I answer your question with another question Sqaud Leader?" You blinked in confusion. "Of..course, sir. You are the Commander after all, so I do not believe you have to ask my permission. Sir.." You kept yourself facing forward but you did your best to watch him from the corner of your eye. He smiled that small smirk of his and closed his eyes softly. "I want you to answer as truthfully as you can (Name)," That caught your attention as you dropped your hands and turned to face him silently, "Why do you think it is that I trust you so much?" You blanked, your mind trying to scramble for thoughts and failing horribly. "I...I'm not really sure how to answer that, sir. I'm certainly honored that you trust me as much as you do, however I can't say I've thought much as to the reasons behind it...sir...."

He kept quiet for a bit before turning towards you with a small smile. "Sorry, that was an odd question to ask you. But thank you for answering honestly despite that (Name)." He patted you on the shoulder before returning to his desk. You turned around to face him again just as he sat down and waited silently. A few minutes passed and you were feeling like maybe you should really leave now but something else was still nagging at you to stay and wait for the Commander to speak up. Just as you started to take a step to turn around he finally spoke up, "Depending one what Levi and I decide I'll show you what is bothering me at this present time. Just wait until I come for you. I trust I don't have to tell you to keep this under wraps of course. Is that understood Squad Leader (Name)?" He had spoken without looking up from his work and you replied in a heartbeat with a salute. "Yes of course Commander, sir." With that you turned and walked out of the room.

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As soon as you made it safely inside your room and locked the door you let out a heavy sigh. You were glad that the Commander was so trusting of you but it really made you feel extremely guilty. You felt your heart flutter painfully. "Oh shut up you......this is all your fault anyway..." You muttered. It's certainly true though. If you didn't have these feelings of love for the Commander then you certainly wouldn't have accepted any of the trust that you'd been granted. Oh well. Tomorrow's another day and another chance at changing yourself. You undressed down to your underwear as your thoughts wandered over all that had happened thus far. It was all pretty crazy. Well at least you're still alive, that's certainly something. You shrugged with a hum before turning out your lamp and crawling into bed. Pulling the cover up to your chin you burrowed down into the blankets and gently let your mind and body relax into sleep.