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Description
Yeah! These are really my actual thoughts!

I have everyday the same problem who begin with my medicaments. There are sometimes days were i forget them to take them out of hurry but this is normal for everyone who maybe forget his daily pills. But these are exceptions for me. Sometimes when i wake up and i think i am in a good mood i think "Not today!" but after three or four hours i need them more than everything and there were days where i drive home from university while lunch. On the other hand there are these days then when i know i took them and i am still in a bad mood i always asking me if i really took my pills. I think always if i am stupid or so (Studying media studies in my thrid semester).

Since a long time now i really wish i that some things would be better. At least that the music becomes better because every god damn electronic musician jumps onto the wheck Chainsmokers train and destroy my taste of music for me. And i can really say i am an EDM fan since a long time now (I started to listen EDM in 2007). The EDM scene had immense threats with Melbourne Bounce in 2014 and this Future House fuck in 2015 and 2016 but now everybody sucks the dicks from Chainsmokers. Yesterday while i was in the mall i really heard two guys who were hyped from "Selfie". This fucked up shittrack from 2014 everybody hated and had the track on their PC or phone anyway. Me too. They even asked each other what Chainsmoker means. Hello, these guys were in my age and dont know what a english word in german means. God damnit! Everybody has a phone today with internet also google translator is your friend. My taste of music survived a lot of wheck sounds everybody hyped but even my favorite music genre is in danger.

The next thing is every free minute is have smoke a cigarette. Until Sziget i was free of smokes for almost four months (i just smoked one or two because of the joy and all this happiness was kind new for me nd i needed something to calm my nerves down) and then the thing that an special person copied a few times my arts brought me back to an full smoker. Thanks btw asshole! And now with the latest events (also my problem with the collecting agency and then the problem on Discord) i am almost on the border to break apart. Everytime when i think on everything good that happened in the last months on DA i get a small pain in my heart and as everybody know the more you think on this the bigger the pain gets and i am almost on the border to break apart and storming out in tears.

I sit sometimes on my PC and think what i could draw but in the last time every idea i got is destroyed from this bad feelings and every new idea got kicked in the trash can from me because i think nobody will like it. That's why draw a few NSFW's lately (but they will never see the daylight. These things aren't made for everyones eyes. And no. I don't take requests for NSFW's also head back to Rule34 you perverts.) and even these looking like shit.

And last but not least. Since i am no longer in the Discord group i feel like i would miss everything in the fandom. For the guys who don't know what happened a while ago i had little fight on Discord where i said things who were uncomfortable and not really necessary for an chat and i see that i got too wide on that day and that's why i decided to leave from Discord because then i am out of the crossfire. In the following days i got really depressed and opened my Discord for so many times because it was normal to look who's online and maybe free to chat (That was an simple reflex because it was normal to look what's up)! I even drunk one day a bit to much where i said some rude things i never meant serious. I feel since that day very lonely on DA because almost nobody from the Discord group asked if i am okay. And that hurted! One or two did as i heard from others. Of course there were people who were worried and i am thankful for every help and every arm who tries to bring me back on my feets but i was really hurted when almost nobody from the group said a tone. When something happened and somebody needed help i always looked that i can support or help in any way (no matter if active or progressive) and this is the thank for this. Yes, i made an mistake! But everybody who knows me knows i am an smart, (at least i think that a few people do) loyal and friendly person and sooner or later i would say sorry if i would fuck up! I really want to go back into the Discord group but my inner me says no. I want to go back because i miss the feeling of being part of something big and the chatting. But on the other hand since almost nobody asked me if i am okay i don't want to ask! Because when i would go back it would end like last time and almost everybody would give an fuck about me! I know these are just bad thoughts and hitting the one or other hard but this is exactly that what i feel since a time now. I still think you're all cool and correct people but my bad thoughts fug up my mind.

Description
Yeah! These are really my actual thoughts!

I have everyday the same problem who begin with my medicaments. There are sometimes days were i forget them to take them out of hurry but this is normal for everyone who maybe forget his daily pills. But these are exceptions for me. Sometimes when i wake up and i think i am in a good mood i think "Not today!" but after three or four hours i need them more than everything and there were days where i drive home from university while lunch. On the other hand there are these days then when i know i took them and i am still in a bad mood i always asking me if i really took my pills. I think always if i am stupid or so (Studying media studies in my thrid semester).

Since a long time now i really wish i that some things would be better. At least that the music becomes better because every god damn electronic musician jumps onto the wheck Chainsmokers train and destroy my taste of music for me. And i can really say i am an EDM fan since a long time now (I started to listen EDM in 2007). The EDM scene had immense threats with Melbourne Bounce in 2014 and this Future House fuck in 2015 and 2016 but now everybody sucks the dicks from Chainsmokers. Yesterday while i was in the mall i really heard two guys who were hyped from "Selfie". This fucked up shittrack from 2014 everybody hated and had the track on their PC or phone anyway. Me too. They even asked each other what Chainsmoker means. Hello, these guys were in my age and dont know what a english word in german means. God damnit! Everybody has a phone today with internet also google translator is your friend. My taste of music survived a lot of wheck sounds everybody hyped but even my favorite music genre is in danger.

The next thing is every free minute is have smoke a cigarette. Until Sziget i was free of smokes for almost four months (i just smoked one or two because of the joy and all this happiness was kind new for me nd i needed something to calm my nerves down) and then the thing that an special person copied a few times my arts brought me back to an full smoker. Thanks btw asshole! And now with the latest events (also my problem with the collecting agency and then the problem on Discord) i am almost on the border to break apart. Everytime when i think on everything good that happened in the last months on DA i get a small pain in my heart and as everybody know the more you think on this the bigger the pain gets and i am almost on the border to break apart and storming out in tears.

I sit sometimes on my PC and think what i could draw but in the last time every idea i got is destroyed from this bad feelings and every new idea got kicked in the trash can from me because i think nobody will like it. That's why draw a few NSFW's lately (but they will never see the daylight. These things aren't made for everyones eyes. And no. I don't take requests for NSFW's also head back to Rule34 you perverts.) and even these looking like shit.

And last but not least. Since i am no longer in the Discord group i feel like i would miss everything in the fandom. For the guys who don't know what happened a while ago i had little fight on Discord where i said things who were uncomfortable and not really necessary for an chat and i see that i got too wide on that day and that's why i decided to leave from Discord because then i am out of the crossfire. In the following days i got really depressed and opened my Discord for so many times because it was normal to look who's online and maybe free to chat (That was an simple reflex because it was normal to look what's up)! I even drunk one day a bit to much where i said some rude things i never meant serious. I feel since that day very lonely on DA because almost nobody from the Discord group asked if i am okay. And that hurted! One or two did as i heard from others. Of course there were people who were worried and i am thankful for every help and every arm who tries to bring me back on my feets but i was really hurted when almost nobody from the group said a tone. When something happened and somebody needed help i always looked that i can support or help in any way (no matter if active or progressive) and this is the thank for this. Yes, i made an mistake! But everybody who knows me knows i am an smart, (at least i think that a few people do) loyal and friendly person and sooner or later i would say sorry if i would fuck up! I really want to go back into the Discord group but my inner me says no. I want to go back because i miss the feeling of being part of something big and the chatting. But on the other hand since almost nobody asked me if i am okay i don't want to ask! Because when i would go back it would end like last time and almost everybody would give an fuck about me! I know these are just bad thoughts and hitting the one or other hard but this is exactly that what i feel since a time now. I still think you're all cool and correct people but my bad thoughts fug up my mind.