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Description

Goblin Possum
Scientific name: Megadidelphis borealis
Other names: Crooked-nosed possum
Ancestor: Virginia possum
Diet: Small vertebrates, carrion, fruit, eggs, milk
Habitat and range: North American forests, scrub, and hills
One of the largest marsupials in the Northern Hemisphere, the Goblin Possum stands with the impressive stature and weight of the Wolverine. Unlike the Wolverine, Goblin Possums have no interest in large game such as beavers or porcupines, preferring rats and voles and rabbits. They are famed for their crooked snout and sharp teeth, earning them the "goblin" title (although such a moniker is actually more fittingly given to a different island-dwelling weirdo). As pictured above, when their joeys begin getting large enough, they ride on the backs of their parents, including the very helpful dad. You see, these big-nosed dorks are monogamous, and share in the child-rearing. They proudly strut across the ground with their babies vibing on their backs, with all the confidence that no birds will snatch one for itself. That is because the Goblin Possum is a huge asshole to everyone, and tends to cause trouble wherever it goes. Because of this, few birds are willing to get close to them, because of how nasty they can be. The Goblin Possum's only threats are larger predators like Chriopes, Wolfrats, and lynxes, who are unfazed by the scratching, biting, and projectile shitting of these guys. Additionally, the Goblin Possum will sometimes sneak up on a pregnant animal, and get in a good suckle before the mamma realizes there's a weirdo touching their boobs. It rarely works out, and they rarely get much milk, but these big marsupials seem desperate to qualify for the sex-offender registry. Look at their big grins; they know EXACTLY who they're offending.

Description

Goblin Possum
Scientific name: Megadidelphis borealis
Other names: Crooked-nosed possum
Ancestor: Virginia possum
Diet: Small vertebrates, carrion, fruit, eggs, milk
Habitat and range: North American forests, scrub, and hills
One of the largest marsupials in the Northern Hemisphere, the Goblin Possum stands with the impressive stature and weight of the Wolverine. Unlike the Wolverine, Goblin Possums have no interest in large game such as beavers or porcupines, preferring rats and voles and rabbits. They are famed for their crooked snout and sharp teeth, earning them the "goblin" title (although such a moniker is actually more fittingly given to a different island-dwelling weirdo). As pictured above, when their joeys begin getting large enough, they ride on the backs of their parents, including the very helpful dad. You see, these big-nosed dorks are monogamous, and share in the child-rearing. They proudly strut across the ground with their babies vibing on their backs, with all the confidence that no birds will snatch one for itself. That is because the Goblin Possum is a huge asshole to everyone, and tends to cause trouble wherever it goes. Because of this, few birds are willing to get close to them, because of how nasty they can be. The Goblin Possum's only threats are larger predators like Chriopes, Wolfrats, and lynxes, who are unfazed by the scratching, biting, and projectile shitting of these guys. Additionally, the Goblin Possum will sometimes sneak up on a pregnant animal, and get in a good suckle before the mamma realizes there's a weirdo touching their boobs. It rarely works out, and they rarely get much milk, but these big marsupials seem desperate to qualify for the sex-offender registry. Look at their big grins; they know EXACTLY who they're offending.