HOME | DD
Published: 2007-07-13 16:10:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 15510; Favourites: 486; Downloads: 120
Redirect to original
Description
The witch Baba Yaga once baked herself breadout of spiders and liars and red razorwire
that was garnished with flowers from the vaults of the dead,
and sweetened with lye from a child’s funeral pyre.
It was light as the crisp, cracking bones on the fields
and as sharp to the taste as the ash-scattered shards
that were all that remains of the swords and the shields
of the warrior king and his bold bodyguards.
In a chicken leg hovel at the edge of a wood
the witch Baba Yaga licks the dregs from the spoons
that she used to stir soup, spiced and thickened with blood
that the dying ones spilt from their widowing wounds.
But her low kitchen table will never be laid
and her bonewafer banquet will never be served,
while ghostly white whistles pipe a last serenade
as she’s swept to the moon by the swerve of the earth.
The witch Baba Yaga in the coldness of space
weeping tears for the cage and her gingerbread home,
but icicled, weightless, they fly in her face
with the regular tick of a deaf metronome.
Now her broken-backed biscuits have crumbled to dust
and there’s rust on her tongue and there’s clay in her gaze
and the snow on her coat forms a bitter white crust
for her oven’s as cold now as yesterday’s grave.
Related content
Comments: 227
ShadowedAcolyte [2018-11-19 03:44:44 +0000 UTC]
Always worth keeping the old myths alive--other than the ones that eat children, perhaps.
...which is most of them.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ProofrockPilchard [2012-10-25 01:38:07 +0000 UTC]
I have dearly missed hearing Baba Yaga stories.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Inallgoodtime [2011-01-13 19:52:51 +0000 UTC]
I'm not sure of terminology or the ancient truth on which vowel Baba would have used on the last name, but there is some minor strangeness in the second stanza.
"and her bonewafer banquet will never be served,
while ghostly white whistles pipe a last serenade
as she’s swept to the moon by the swerve of the earth.
I was thrown out of poem by these time structures.
This poem has more than a thousand pictures.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
roidwriter [2010-08-13 22:56:53 +0000 UTC]
That felt kind of hopeless to me. I read it twice, and each time, yup, same emotion. I liked the "regular tick of the deaf metronome". It's got a nice ring to it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Jade-Pandora [2009-09-18 04:41:01 +0000 UTC]
I wouldn't've known about this piece if it wasn't for =bekkia saying how it's a favorite of hers. I didn't even realize you could write like this -
it's terrific!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to Jade-Pandora [2009-09-27 18:24:42 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
By '...writing like this...' I presume you mean not merely slick and superficial? Yes, I occasionally have my moments!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Jade-Pandora In reply to tightwhitepants [2009-10-12 07:33:31 +0000 UTC]
I don't think I'll say one way or the other.
I am however glad to hear about your moments!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
bekkia [2009-07-29 06:09:39 +0000 UTC]
This, my friend, is poetry. I wish there were more people on here like you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
mreid973 [2009-05-31 05:54:44 +0000 UTC]
Evocative. Not the watered-down version found in modern tales. You really captured how the strength of myth is lost over time and cultures. And the structure, which others seemed to have commented on, also manages to cage this (now powerless) witch.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Katelin7249 [2009-02-01 11:43:41 +0000 UTC]
This is absolutely astonishing, well-written and delightfully dark. It fits almost painfully well with my own writing as of late, too, which made it one of those pleasant-yet-oddly-creepy surprises.
Fav'd and then some.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to Katelin7249 [2009-02-02 18:13:21 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm delighted that you enjoyed it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Katelin7249 In reply to tightwhitepants [2009-02-03 00:14:58 +0000 UTC]
Aw shucks, you're welcome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
erinyx [2009-01-16 03:59:36 +0000 UTC]
This was, quite honestly amazing.
I've always loved reading folktales (especially when I was younger). I used to read with my mother before bedtime from a book that was a compilation of old folk talkes (for mothers and daughters).
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to erinyx [2009-01-16 17:23:43 +0000 UTC]
Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
celestial-elevator [2008-11-21 10:57:45 +0000 UTC]
I somehow interpret this as evil never leads to anything good.
Now her broken-backed biscuits have crumbled to dust
and there’s rust on her tongue and there’s clay in her gaze
and the snow on her coat forms a bitter white crust
for her oven’s as cold now as yesterday’s grave.
There's a melancholic touch in these lines...I think the witch Baba Yaga is very unhappy. She eats children (and others), which makes her very lonely. Who'd want to spend time with a cannibal?
I like it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to celestial-elevator [2008-11-22 12:49:01 +0000 UTC]
It's melancholic certainly, though for me it's not because Baba herself is unhappy, and not because she is evil per se, but because the world of today no longer believes in the magic and mystery that Baba Yaga represents.
Thank you for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
celestial-elevator In reply to tightwhitepants [2008-11-22 12:58:08 +0000 UTC]
I did. You keep writing
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Freyad-Dryden [2008-11-10 23:22:34 +0000 UTC]
I'm going to have to read some more of your stuff.
Unfortunately, I haven't the time right now, but I'll be back.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
rowenabrennavart [2008-10-20 13:59:33 +0000 UTC]
Oh, I wish I could +fav your Author's Comments! ^-^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to rowenabrennavart [2008-11-02 14:01:19 +0000 UTC]
I guess they make the most sense.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
rowenabrennavart In reply to tightwhitepants [2008-11-03 12:16:35 +0000 UTC]
sense is overrated ^-^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tightwhitepants In reply to TheBananaLamper [2008-10-16 07:00:44 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm pleased you liked the poem.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to Blizz-Kid [2008-10-16 06:59:58 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
aVeira-aSura [2008-10-13 09:00:08 +0000 UTC]
"and as sharp to the taste as the ash-scattered shards
that were all that remains of the swords and the shields
of the warrior king and his bold bodyguards."
- i absolutely love these lines!
oh how i miss the brothers grimm stories!
first thing that came to mind was the witch from hansel and gretel...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to aVeira-aSura [2008-10-16 06:59:27 +0000 UTC]
I think H&G's witch was a very close relative of Baba Yaga.
Thank you for reading and for your very kind comment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tightwhitepants In reply to TJK911 [2008-10-12 21:40:57 +0000 UTC]
Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YaroDango [2008-10-12 06:24:47 +0000 UTC]
Not bad at all. No wonder you got a DD. I Like the rhythm it has.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to YaroDango [2008-10-12 21:40:25 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
lynrae [2008-10-12 05:36:06 +0000 UTC]
"The witch Baba Yaga once baked herself bread
out of spiders and liars and red razorwire
that was garnished with flowers from the vaults of the dead,
and sweetened with lye from a child’s funeral pyre."
I'd like to hear you say at least this much yourself. I just can't get the rhythm to sound right in my head on the italic line.This often happens to me with rhythmic poetry, so it may just be something incompatible in the way my mind processes it, but I feel like the word "funeral" has too many syllables. Do you maybe shorten it when you say it: "a child's fun'ral pyre"?
That said, I love the imagery and the, I don't know how to say it, but baking bread of out so many things that so obviously don't make bread is a big part of the quality I'm talking about. I hope I make sense.
Sorry for the ineloquence and lack of depth of this comment. But thank you for the poetry.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to lynrae [2008-10-12 21:40:00 +0000 UTC]
You are right, the line scans much better if you pronounce funeral as if it were two syllables. Where I come from (in the north of England) we tend to pronounce the word fun'ral.
Baba's ingredients are indeed bizarre in this poem, but I hope they help to sharpen the image, and make her seem even more witch-like and frightening.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SyrinthAeonsway [2008-10-12 05:11:02 +0000 UTC]
I've always loved those old myths and Baba Yaga has always been a favorite of mine. This was a joy to read
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to SyrinthAeonsway [2008-10-12 21:35:11 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SleepingShrew [2008-10-12 04:46:00 +0000 UTC]
Well everybody has said...everything...but I figured I'd throw my 2 cents in.
This is freaking awesome. The sound is so jaunty and catchy that I can't help smiling while reading it despite the fact that it isn't a necessarily smiley poem. The imagery is intense and vivid, and overall this poem just shines. You're awesome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to SleepingShrew [2008-10-12 21:34:43 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. There is a deliberate tension between the regular, rhythmic structure and the darker meaning.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
whome [2008-10-12 04:42:04 +0000 UTC]
Nice poem. I miss those old myths and folklore tales I read as a kid that made me think twice about those noises in the night. I think there is still value in the stories of the past, but as always we are constantly updating our myths and legends to match our world. Although they may not be as colorful as those of the past, maybe our dreams of the future and faraway can fill the imagination just the same.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to whome [2008-10-12 21:32:45 +0000 UTC]
Of course, the drive towards myth and legend is far too deep-rooted for a few x-boxes and 3G phones to eradicate, and our archetypes evolve as we do. We must just remember how long they have been with us, and how crucial they are to our human nature.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
whome In reply to tightwhitepants [2008-10-14 01:24:28 +0000 UTC]
I think the most amazing part is how superstitions still stick with us despite our ever increasing knowledge of the world around us. Big league baseball for instance.. or the tribes in those remote places of the world that still carry on as they did hundreds and thousands of years ago. Now that's a trip.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
mylovebattlefield09 [2008-10-12 04:37:31 +0000 UTC]
Lion Christ..
This is wonderful..
I like how you twisted technology into a fairy-tale.
Excellent job.
Caroline.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tightwhitepants In reply to mylovebattlefield09 [2008-10-12 21:28:42 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Thanks for commenting.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mylovebattlefield09 In reply to tightwhitepants [2008-10-13 00:06:18 +0000 UTC]
You are certainly most welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Fire-Follower [2008-10-12 04:08:35 +0000 UTC]
Yes, I come to this as a DD, late in the day and with the mindset of a tech-junkie, gamer-geek, fairy-tale addicted person.
And I want to cry now. Damnit. I'd have to go reassure myself that words still hold spellbinding power by reading ten or twenty stories, but you already did that by making me teary with the poem.
Sorry. Eloquence gone.
I do want to go read storis now. Weirdly, you've made me want to go back and reread The Fox's Daughter. Nice little folktale, that.
Sorry again, long comment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>