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toxic-nebulae β introspect
Published: 2013-04-14 21:25:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 730; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 1
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Description
do you remember the rainy eveningwhen you showed me the architecture
of your heart?
columns of dead languages
and old money, ivy strangling
the crumbling stone:
quelle allure!
I had quite despaired
of ever seeing such a place, but you
forced open the wrought-iron gates
and allowed me to take overβ
modernity manifest
in my hesitating touch.
I crept over the courtyards
like some brilliant, beautiful
bed of weeds.
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Comments: 19
You had me at "architecture of your heart." Brilliant.
I can see the perspective of what the others are saying about the use of the word "heart" in poetry, but I think you use it boldly and shamelessly here, and in relation to the context in which you use it it comes off as sincere to me. Who cares if we speak in the cliches of everyday language? Write whatever you want, from your heart!
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You're welcome! <3
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wonderful imagery and pacing, darling soul
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I love the imagery in this - one of those poems where you can actually see the events described unfold in front of you. Utterly beautiful.
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If you could manage to say this without "heart" I'd say you'd have a A+ poem - I don't have any suggestions for how to do this though
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Just an idea if you were thinking of submitting this out into the big bad world. For dA's purposes, it doesn't matter much, but I see "heart" ALLLL the time through our publication. Just a thought. Sometimes I can't edit it out of my work, either, but sometimes there's an alternative solution.
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I'm not sure if any of my work is really publication material.
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Why not? When I first started trying to publish, I sent out some reaaaaaaaaaaaaally old stuff on a whim, to see if I could have been published years ago. Yup. Got accepted.
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point being, all those years, I assumed there was no publications for me
start small, build up your confidence and your know-how
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This is beautifully constructed. It is perfection.
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