HOME | DD
TranslucentWings — backseat driver
Published: 2005-05-20 01:59:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 2459; Favourites: 22; Downloads: 195
Redirect to original
Description
.He has legs like parentheses.
- holding the words
of my
aching thighs
tight.
- gazelle runner
yellow jacketed
forced to return.
- kick in the teeth
elemental fury
with
clean, wet whiskers
He has legs like parentheses
but
every time
I catch him looking
his eyes scream
period.
.
Related content
Comments: 44
Very good cronstruction. There are some difficult words for me, but i think i could catch the essence.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think this is a poem I can read when I am sick,
to help me remember that even after all his implications and ellipses
every stare lead to an ending.
and another stomach ache.
...thankyou for writing this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
honestly i got impressed with the photo soo much that i didn' even read the poem at first.....
anyway....looove your photo, reminds me od Harry Potter...and i 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
It's good to see so much give and take going on with a piece. Still the number of comments for the number of views makes me a bit sad. Congratulations on the September UA feature.
I really have to admit this poem leaves me lost. I don't understand it at all really, though the words are clear and clearly chosen, it must be pretty much outside my experience, for it raises no concrete images at all with me.
Still, others like it, and it seems from the comments that you have in mind to base a rewrite off of it, so I wouldn't say it was bad or unworthy of time, attention and consideration.
k
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i admit i mainly clicked on 4 the artwork, but i gotta admit u've gotta a gud play on words.
Gud work hun.
-J-
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
That has to be one of the best works I have read on dA...amazing
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
cooL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dont mind if i stalk ya n fav ur pic!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
haunting... I love how well you portray an almost welcome intrusion..
dark, yet so expecting..comfortable.
( i wonder if I have taken from this what you expected..)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Not bad. I actually really like this.
Even though the line "elemental fury" is a far cry from authentic. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
A tad bit on the dorky english side, but very cute and to the point.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Excellent! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
but
every time
I catch him looking
his eyes scream
period.
oooo i really like that. that's really good writing there, great way to end it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Tres deliceuse.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
At first glance, I frowned upon the structure - partly 'cos it seems like it is sprinting off the page. Reading it again, I see justification for that, and I really enjoyed the poem.
- kick in the teeth
elemental fury
with
clean, wet whiskers
That must be my favourite stanza in terms of imagery, and how the reader interprets things. Whiskers makes me think of cats, and thus what cats do - their nature etc. The alliteration of ''wet whiskers'' is also quite sharp -- like fishbones.
The only thing which I'm not too fond of is that I don't - and wont - understand a lot of the imagery; it seems it is valuable, and personal to you. Nevertheless, the structure and imagery hooked me.
Good read.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm happy for your comment.
Am currently planning an entire re-do of this poem.
What do you think :
changing all of the very personal inner stanzas that describe this fellow, to fit the 'legs of parentheses' image? I mean, talking of what his legs are 'holding in' such as in the first stanza.
Let me know.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes, briefly clarify the paranthesis section - without losing the brevity of the overall piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I GOT IT!!!!! OH YEA! I understand it quite clearly!!!! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lol, Congratulations Matty!! Thanks
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yoi Welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is probably the most sexual (provocative?) thing I've read of yours and, without sounding like a creep I'd love to see more. I also love the ending - 'scream' is probably as perfect as it gets.
'Happiness writes white.' I can't remember who said it, but nothing's very interesting without that uncertainty. You know, Carly, this might be my favorite thing you've written since last summer because it's made of that stuff. It's like, I don't know, fault lined rationale - something's constantly changing and you just can't get a solid handle on it as hard as you try. Am I making any sense?
Either way, my only criticism is that the middle is a little crazy, specifically the whiskers. I don't get that at all, actually - mind helping me out, darlin?
(note tomorrow. I'm all wrote out 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The opening stanza is stupendous ( parentheses, legs, holding words, whoa 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you Dennis
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lol i like it carly, very cool. i think its cool, but if you didn't know the situation to begin with its kinda hard to get. i think the first lines are very sexy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you Vill
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love the last four phrases
I think I got it. Cant' run fast enough to leave a cheetah behind
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
haha, precisely.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
What can I say? I'm impressed. Love the connection you made here. I got a little off focus in the middle. But you pull it together like a sewing machine. This is a favorite of Lindsey Durbin.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you kindly
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you very much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
