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It was a time of action. A time of justice. A time for mutants to take their place in the world among humans, a time to end all times.

But that would actually take effort to write, so you get to read this instead

Enjoy.

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#^#^????WHY SO MANY SYMBOLS????#^#^#^

It was another normal day in Bayville. Except not really, because a member of the brotherhood was about to give someone the biggest news of both their lives. This rather contradicts my first sentence, doesn’t it? I mean, if it wasn’t another normal day, then it was stupid of me to say it was in the first place. Although, I suppose you could call it dramatic irony. You could even say it builds up a sort of tension if you were so inclined. Hell, I…

… I completely forgot what I was writing…

…. Hmm.

Ah…

Oh!

Right. Here we go:

The mutant stared down at Todd with big shining eyes… “Are… you sure?”

Todd rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. This was to show his general discomfort towards the topic at hand. “Yes… I had the tests done. It’s true.”

A stereotypical cold ball of fear settled into the other mutant’s stomach. “Then you…”

“Yes…”

“And I…”

A wan smile spread over Todd’s face as he massaged his stomach. “… Are going to be parents!”

The other mutant grinned sheepishly, which is a really weird simile as I’ve never seen sheep grin, nor do they seem particularly bashful. But there you have it. “Actually… I have some news to.”

Todd’s ears metaphorically perked up (PROTIP: Human ears do not ‘perk‘) “Oh? And you used the wrong form of ‘too’ in that last sentence.”

“I know I did.” The other mutant began to cry tears of joy. “I… I’m pregnant too!”

Todd cried tears of joy. “Oh, Sabertooth!”

“Oh Todd!”

The lovers embraced, kissing one another like they had never kissed before, and never will again; caressing one another as though they never wanted to let go. But they did let go, because Chris Hansen showed up and they had to run like a pair of gazelles.

Meanwhile, deep in the recesses of a mutant testing facility, a white-haired mutant was about to face his fate.

“Hi.” Said a shadowy version of Quicksilver. “I’m your fate.”

“Nice to meet you, my fate.” Pietro replied from inside his cell, “Why do you look like me?”

The Other-Quicksilver stared at his hand contemplatively as he contemplated the question. Should I have used forms of ‘contemplate’ twice in that one sentence? Whatever. “I guess it’s because I’m a part of you, or I’m kind of an ‘evil’ side of you, since fate can bring fortune or calamity.”

Pietro frowned. “If you were an ‘evil’ part of me, wouldn’t you have a goatee and a thin, long, curly mustache? Maybe be wearing an eye patch or a monocle?”

“I have all those things, and a tophat.” Other-Quicksilver pointed out, “The writer just forgot to mention it.”

“Ah.”

Just then, a hot busty doctor bustled into the room. “Hiya! Time for the vivisection!”

((This story will now inexplicably revert to script mode.))

Pietro: DAMN IT JUST GOT SEXY IN HERE. Wait, what’s a vivisection?

Quicksilver recolor: It’s when you’re methodically sliced up into itty-bitty pieces.

Doctor: For SCIENCE.

Pietro: D:

Doctor: ^__^

Recolor: : |

Pietro: ಠ_ಠ

God: STOP USING EMOTICONS

Recolor: okay. :3

Action box: God used Smite! It’s super effective! Recolor is ko’d!

Recolor: *is a smoldering crater*

Pietro: ….. Anyway, I have a question.

Doctor: I won’t do anything for any less than 10 dollars.

Pietro: Ok, I have another question--

Doctor: Plus tax.

Pietro: I have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT QUESTION.

Doctor: No, I don’t have any STDs.

Pietro: *stare*

Doctor: *silence*

(SCRIPT MODE IS SUCK, TRANSFERRING BACK TO STORY MODE)

“I was wondering,” Pietro said, “Why do these types of facilities try to make things as stressing and painful for mutant subjects as possible?”

“Uuuuuuuuuuhhhh… We’re supposed to hate mutants?”

Pietro frowned. “But better lab results come from a subject who is calm. Besides, a violent captor is easily hated, but isn’t the point better made, the point being that Mutants are as human and deserving of freedom as everyone else, if the author allows for some Stockholm syndrome to set in? Then the story is less about the mutant getting away for the sake of his survival, and more about the mutant getting away for the sake of his personal rights and freedom.” Pietro looked around. “But I can see that’s not how this story is going to be. Therefore I cannot take part in this. Buh-bye.” With that, the white haired mutant opened a plot hole and left.

“WALL OF TEXT. TL;DR.” God called after him.

As this was happening, Lance was taking a walk by the seaside, contemplating his life, his decisions, and generally being just plain moody. As he stared at the conveniently placed sunset, the water’s surface began to bubble and churn. As though bidden from the darkest of nightmares, a creature straight from the pages of Lovecraft rose from the waters. A tentacle wrapped itself around Lance’s waist and---

--- This is the FCC. We have taken control of this fic. Due to the adult nature of this scene, it has been censored. However, we have let a select few words through so that the reader may follow the story (such that it is):

---------------------- Lance----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tentacle Monster---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- struggle-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- clothes----- ripped off----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tentacle---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sphincter-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blood-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sea urchin------------------------------------------------------------ AIDS.

Then they cuddled.

------ Thank you for your patience. ~ The FCC -----

###########################################

“Wanda… I AM YOUR FATHER!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOooo… wait. I knew that”

“That’s right, you did.”

“Then why were you telling me again?”

“Well, just… given our situation, and my disposition, a Vader joke was called for, don’tcha think?

“Mystique covered that in Shadowed Past.”

“She did?”

“Yup. In the construction scene.”

“The blue-assed BITCH! I wanted to do the Vader thing!”

“You snooze, you lose. Besides, she took it all the way.”

“All the way…?”

“Kurt didn’t need BOTH hands, if you catch my drift.”

“Oooooh… ouch.”

“Ah… it’s good to talk to you, Father.”

“Oh Wanda… I never told you but… I love you!”

“I know you do! You’re my father.”

“But I love you, like… a lover!”

“Oh father, I could never speak of it, but I love you with a lover’s love too!”

“Wanda!”

“Father!”

“Guys, wait!”

“Pietro??”

“Let me join in! I must express my illicit love too!”

“Pietro!”

“Father!”

“Wanda!”

“Father!”

“Pietro!”

“Wanda!”

“Father!”

“Hey, what’s this red light?”

“OH SHIT! The fic is on! It’s recording! Quick, turn it off---”
####################################################

During this, Fred was on the run from the FOH.

“This is horrible! I wish something would happen. Not what happened to Lance, but just something.”

You just broke the fourth wall Fred.

“I did?”

Yes you did.

“Wow… so I exist apart from the story now?”

So it would seem.

“Incredible… so much power!”

Not really.

“No?”

No. Even if you are freed of the confines of the story and plot, you are still under the full jurisdiction of the writer.

“That sucks.”

It’s not so bad. You’ll notice that your life is no longer in danger at the moment.

“That’s true…”

However, in this state of knowing, the story is no longer interesting. Nothing happens. You exist in a world of white nothingness.

“That’s horrible!”

Indeed it is. We better wrap this up quickly. Sing a song.

“What song?”

No need to worry about that. I’m writing the lyrics.

“…Ok…”

Just then, the rest of the Brotherhood showed up.

Wanda: We’re here!

Todd: We’re expecting!

Pietro: We’re non-dissected!

Lance: … I think that thing gave me AIDS.

1! 2! 3! GO!

“Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Weve know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But youre too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it

And if you ask me how Im feeling
Dont tell me youre too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air”

THE DAMN END