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Ultima-Wraith — Wraith
Published: 2005-07-09 04:02:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 47; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
When no one is aroundRazors slip and slide,
A happy little red water ride,
I love to see it hit the ground,
The pain is enough to satisfy,
How I long for another's time.
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Comments: 4
A deep hitting poem, espically for those of us who have walked in the shoes of the speaker of this poem. I think you did a good job here of capturing the emotions associated with the act, as well as using images that are accurate enough to give readers an image. Reading it gave me chills, and made my wrists pound. It made me all the more thankful those days are over.
The puncuation was the weakest part of this poem. I felt that the flow was off because of that. Also, I would suggest expanding some aspects of this poem. You have such a good start here, with some small "changes" I think this poem could be even better.
Just my worthless opinions...
Greg
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
opinions are never worthless, just unrecognized help ^.^ yea, I wasn't really planning on it being even this decent, I just wanted to see if I could make one that spelled out WRAITH when read the first letter of each down, btw, if you liked this, SOULSTEALER is actually better, and it does the same letter thing
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letter poems are always intresting, as they force you into a very specific style.
I hope you can read my newest poem, Night Swimming .
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ok, are you gonna read the Soul Stealer one? *reading yours* hmm a four-emotion thing Reminiscence, Sadness, Anger, and Acceptance , or at leat that's what I've got
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