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Published: 2019-06-25 18:21:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 1879; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 0
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PMD: Explorers of MarsChapter 1
[Day 1/Sol 1]
"Mission control, this is Captain Spade. We have cleared the atmosphere, the booster rockets are disengaged, and we are now ready to release the nose cone. Confirm?"
"Confirmed captain, proceed to separate on your mark."
"Affirmative mission control. Separating nose cone in three...two...one."
With a deep, rumbling 'CHUR-KLUNK' the large, bullet-shaped metal shell that had been shielding the space ship in pitch-black darkness in order to protect it from the extreme wind shear from lift-off split in two even parts, falling away back down into the atmosphere behind them. Sandra gasped in awe; even on the clearest starry nights she had never seen a sky so riddled with stars. It was truly breathtaking.
"Ah, nothing ever feels like the first view, does it?" Ajax, the veteran Lucario astronaut remarked, smiling.
"Oh, that's nothing," Ace chuckled, "Watch what we get to see next." The Pikachu turned to Adam in the pilot seat. "Engage the maundering thrusters and bring us about. Let's get a nice long look at home before we embark. It's gonna be a while before we see it again."
"Aye, captain," Adam smirked, pressing some buttons on his control panel.
Gently, the craft began to rotate a full one-eighty degrees, allowing the enormous blue and green sphere of the Earth to come into view. All Sandra could do is watch with her mouth agape, and judging from the similar expressions on her two co-leaders of Team Legend, they were equally at a loss for words. 'Beautiful' just couldn't quite describe it.
The glistening of the sunlight reflecting off the deep blue seas, the thin white wisps of clouds ever so gently drifting across the thin transparent veil of the atmosphere, the tinkling lights on the night-side of the planet from the thousands of urban metropolises scattered across the continents...and the utter lack of any of the boarder lines usually drawn on maps to separate nations. Just one big, round world. It made everything, all the conflicts, all the civilizations, all the jobs, homes and lives of every being on the planet seem so small and far away...and yet somehow even MORE important than ever... Because everything she and most everyone else on that big blue globe were just tiny invisible specs, so very delicate and precious. It was a perspective like none other she could imaging ever seeing.
"Take a good long look everyone. It's gonna get a whole lot harder to see pretty soon," Adam suggested.
In her awestruck state, Sandra had barely even noticed that she suddenly began to feel light...VERY light...almost like free-falling, but...not. Her stomach felt like it was rising into her throat. Looking around her, she could see the fur on all her friends and crew mates gracefully swaying freely in the cockpit air, the slightest shift causing said fur to cascade in strangely elegant ways. Likewise, anything that wasn't bolted down to the walls or floor was now floating around the room like feathers in the breeze. Pencils, pieces of paper, a couple loose food packets...gravity was being left behind. For the next few weeks, this was what the cockpit would feel like. However, at least in theory...the rest of the ship would feel quite different.
"Alright, Adam, I think it's time to start up the centrifuge," Ace commanded.
Flipping some more switches on his control board, the Minun replied, "Powering up...motors and bearings looking smooth...engaging the centrifuge...now."
Yet another series of deep 'CLUNK' sounds, coupled with a sharp jolting of the craft, causing Sandra and her seven crew-mates to be jostled around in their seats. This was followed by the ship once again swinging around a full 180, pointing them back in the direction of the seemingly endless abyss of blackness and tiny white pinpricks of light.
"Centrifuge at full power, engaging maneuvering thrusters to stabilize..." Adam reported, continuing to flip buttons and switches on the control panel. "Aaaand we are good to go! Sensors indicating we are about to clear the magnetic field belts in roughly thirty seconds."
"Good," Ace nodded, giving a thumbs-up. "Once we're past the magnetosphere, power on the plasma drive and set course moon-gravity-assist slingshot maneuver."
"Confirmed captain, setting coordinates and powering up the drive," Adam complied. "Everyone hold onto her seats...we're about to hit some serious G's again..."
This time, it was Benjamin, Ace's second in command, who began the countdown. "Plasma engine thrusters in t-minus five...four...three...two...one...thrusters engaged."
The short lived weightless feeling was once again replaced with the intense force of acceleration pressing Sandra into her seat. She was glad she and all the others onboard had trained themselves to have really strong stomachs. Then again, none of them would be going on this mission at all if they hadn't.
Within only a few seconds, the familiar light-grey orb of the moon came into view directly ahead, growing larger in the view window by the second. This was going to be quite the roller-coaster ride...
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Comments: 19
Fresh-Minty [2019-06-25 19:31:26 +0000 UTC]
Overall
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That's a nice start for an interesting story. I went back to the prologue to see who were the characters as, unfortunately, this one lacks some description of the characters, and I don't mean only their species (though, to be completely certain, there are 2 humans who were turned into Pikachu?) but also what they look like, if they wear clothes or are "naked", if they have long or short hair, their eyes color, stuff like this.
Besides, it's maybe said in the prologue, but I haven't found it (or I didn't notice it) but why do these Pokemon go on Mars? Not that I mind, but I wonder what is the purpose for this exploration mission. To settle a new colony there? To find resources? For scientific reasons? I hope we'll see more of them interacting together, if they get along or have affinity with some more than with other member of the exploration team e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="15" height="15" alt="
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This said, your way of writting to convey the right feeling of leaving Earth to go into space, which would be enhanced with more description, for instance, when they see the planet (or the moon) from space. I wonder what'll happen to them next.
Some grammar typos:
"All Sandra could do is watch" <= given every other verb are written in past tense, I suppose "was watch" would be better.
"Sensors indicating were are about to..." <= I am not sure here. Is it "Sensors indicate we are about to clear the magnetic..." or "Sensors indicating are/were about to clear..."?
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Unownace In reply to Fresh-Minty [2019-06-25 19:38:52 +0000 UTC]
Right, context. I kinda started writing this under the assumption most readers would have read at least a COUPLE other of my fan fics first, but to make it brief, it's pretty much for the sake of science and exploration. It is the job of Exploration teams to "boldly go where no 'Mon has gone before," and what better place to explore than the final frontier? Of course there will be some more character development in the next few chapters as the crew chats among each other and reflects on their experiences.
I also wanted to make this chapter faced-paced to keep the feeling of not just majesty but also the exhilaration of take-off. If you have any suggestions on how to better flesh that part out though I'm open to hear them.
As for the typos...those are easy enough to fix. I'll do that right now. XD
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RoyKnight1 [2019-06-26 07:54:41 +0000 UTC]
Hope no Tripods are there waiting for you
Nice one though
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Unownace In reply to RoyKnight1 [2019-06-26 14:17:05 +0000 UTC]
Well nothing quite THAT malevolent...
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Unownace In reply to CyborgRowlet [2019-06-25 19:42:54 +0000 UTC]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1KIMi…
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Unownace In reply to CyborgRowlet [2019-06-25 19:46:37 +0000 UTC]
Not...really. Then again Google Translate might have botched it. XD
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CyborgRowlet In reply to Unownace [2019-06-25 20:00:28 +0000 UTC]
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Unownace In reply to CyborgRowlet [2019-06-25 20:02:45 +0000 UTC]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS58nP…
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Unownace In reply to CyborgRowlet [2019-06-25 20:07:42 +0000 UTC]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb7sN7…
👍: 0 ⏩: 1