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urlilpixie — Butterfly Dreams
Published: 2004-10-31 01:58:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 624; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 13
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Description
Freedom floats on butterflywings, Alighting
on a child's nose
Teasing him with her beauty
Daring his desire to caress
Confused by the proximity
His vision blurs
A pause in palpatations
And slow senses metamorphosize
His young hand reaches
As Freedom flies
A beautiful manifestation
Promising flutter of her colors
Then,
She is gone.
Leaving only the
tingle
on a child's nose.
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Comments: 14
I Like it, very beautiful, lilting and drifting... very awesome, nice work!
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*blinks*
thanks!! I'm glad you like it!!
and mucho-thankies for the 
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No prob, thanks for writing it
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merf, I doubt anything good will be coming soon...I have a few things in my scrips...scraps. Scripps is the school that offered me mucho $$ that I'm not even applying to. mreep. but yeah. I have a few things in my scraps. one that I'm ALMOST done with...wh00t wh00t! except I have nowhere to go with it...but it's almost done (:
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Why wouldn't you go to the place that's offering you $? Crazy. And yaay for scraps... I never have any, because if it's in the works I don't take the time to post it, and if I put something up, I finish it, whether or not it was finished when I decided to put it up or not. Yaay for cookies
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Butterfly Dreams makes a lot more sense than Metamorphosis as there isn't so much of a change taking place in the piece, more a realisation than a change in fact. I'd say change it.
Regards,
James
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damn, I must be butter, cause I'm on a roll!
agreeing with teh jahg-ster twice on one poem, about two themeful thingies...wh00t!!
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Aww, agreement isn't that rare, I hope.
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lol, it's just that normally you see into things a few million miles deeper than I do. But for once, I can at least pretend to be seeing the same amount
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Oddly, I don't think this is disjointed at all, I think it's complete and fresh, and flows from start to finish in a similar swoosh and flutter to that described in the scene. I can read this on two levels, the first being the absolutely lovely scene of the boy with the butterfly landing on his nose, and I can really see the cross-eyed vision in stanza three - that's such a fruitful touch you've inlaid there.
A more detailed inspection allows me to place an interpretation on this piece that says it's about growing old having been loved in life. The butterfly is freedom, a love that is flighting and, when found, to be cherished. Towards the close of the poem, in the penultimate stanza, I see an elderly couple where the lady dies or is somehow taken - but there's no sense of being emotionally distraught:
Then,
She is gone.
... the words are bare rather than overburdened with emotion - which leads me to suggest that the couple have lived a long and happy life together. The tingle on a child's nose is sweet remembrance, and a touching closure to this reading.
Just my thoughts, but a skillfully crafted piece whatever your plans for it.
Regards,
James
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*blink*
wh00t!!!! for once, you see the same thing I do...or pretty damn close!!
lol
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That must be due to the high quality of the writing then. 
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o.O
thanks for the
btw...can you comment on the edit I put in *the description, about the title*
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I like that. A little fragmented, like you said. But I liked it. Reminded me of catching butterflies in June when I was 10.
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