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urlilpixie — My Sun
Published: 2007-10-03 03:53:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 301; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description Anticipation.
Flashing sisters fade.
The world, the beating heart,
Prepares, silences.
I know I will love you forever.

Rising in glory.
Piercing rays find the soul.

Triumphant march,
Burning across skin, eyes, sky.
This day will last forever.

A slip of shadow.

Distraction.
Glances to see the hidden world.
Wandering eyes, lust.

Turn back.
Turning back.
Gone.

Waiting for a new day.
Forever.
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Comments: 3

proud2bjunkie [2007-10-03 15:23:35 +0000 UTC]

I like the other better for its simplicity, but the images in this are much stronger. You use "forever" twice in the beginning and middle, and I think I want it in the end too. I love the contrast between "I know I will love you forever" and "Wandering eyes, lust."

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urlilpixie In reply to proud2bjunkie [2007-10-04 14:47:34 +0000 UTC]

changed.

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urlilpixie In reply to proud2bjunkie [2007-10-03 15:28:07 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I know it should read
'Waiting.
Forever.'

But I don't feel like taking artistic license with this, and that would be.

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